Worried about high risk exposure

[ScaredinON]

Hi there,

I know there are a lot of questions out there about the same thing - I have read through many of the threads trying to reassure myself that I am ok.  I finally decided to post, mainly for my own therapy in this whole situation I think...  A few years ago, I had to get tested because my long term "monogamous" partner had been cheating on me with multiple partners. I subsequently left him and swore that I would never let myself be in that situation again (anxiety over having to get tested for STDS- at least not of my own doing).  Since then I have had unprotected sex with one monogamous partner (after both testing negative for STDS) and another "mistake" which I have detailed below:

My exposure:
Unprotected vaginal (3x), and brief unprotected anal sex with a male partner (I am female) - we both live in Canada. This happened 7.5 weeks ago, and he did not ejaculate inside of me.  A few things I am pretty sure of: He is not a drug user, and not bisexual.  I have known him for a few years (casual acquaintances) but I do not know his HIV status, or the number of partners he has been with in the past.  This was a drunken mistake (although no excuse)  that we discussed the next day. I asked him about the last time he had been tested for all STD's, and he said a year ago - since then he said he has had 2 protected sexual encounters. (My worry is that he was not honest about this (from my past with dishonest partners) AND being that WE had unprotected sex - it worries me that he has made that choice with others).  

I went to the clinic last week to get tested for other STD's, and the nurse offered me a Rapid Test (at the 6 week mark) but I was too scared to take it, because I am so scared of a positive result.  She asked me at the time about how I was feeling. I told her that I had a sore throat about 2 weeks after exposure, and developed a small cold sore the day after exposure (Have had no rash, fever, night sweats etc).  She was very helpful, and said that my risks are very minimal (even with the unprotected sex mistake) She said that those symptoms were very non-specific,

BUT then mentioned that if I had HIV I would probably have enlarged groin lymph nodes and my groin would feel painful?!?!?!?!

I think she was trying to reassure me, but since then, I have noticed that my groin is hurting, and began to notice that it feels like my groin and neck lymph nodes are enlarged. I can't stop touching them or obsessing over them now :S

I have myself worried sick over this - I have lost 5 lbs because I can't stomach any food, am taking gravol to sleep at night and have constant thoughts about what I will do if I have contracted HIV.  I called the nurse yesterday, and my Chlamydia and Gonnorhea tests were negative - I also scheduled an appointment for a Rapid Test (8 weeks after exposure) on Tuesday. I just don't know if I will end up going... I am so scared and have convinced myself that it will be positive.

I would really appreciate any feedback or insight on my risks/symptoms. I am feeling very alone right now, and can't tell anyone about this because I am too scared and embaressed about messing up like this.

ScaredinCanada

[michael852]

Usually your results wont change if you tested at that mark. Do not worry your not alone when it comes to your anxiety,i m going through it as well

[ScaredinON]

Update: Tested negative today at 8.5 weeks past exposure.  The nurse said I should come back at 12 weeks just to put my anxiety to rest.  How Ok can I feel about this test result? I feel better knowing I tested negative, but now am starting to feel anxious again that the result might be different when I go back at 12 weeks?

[Vance2335]

You can test at 3 months for a conclusive result. Your symptoms mean nothing with HIV. Only way to know is to test. Most straight men in Canada don't have HIV.