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hsv 2 positive I had sex one time with my boyfriend. Did I pass it to him?
I am Hsv2 positive I had sex with my boyfriend one time I am freaking out I passed to him. We masturbate each other and never touch our genitals after that. He penetrated me wearing a condom to have an orgasm and his genitals only touched my genitals for a few seconds and then he pulled out his penis and took off the condom to let the semen on my breast. I am scared I have gave him herpes. We had that only time encounter on September 6 how long it will take for him to show symptoms if he got infected?. The other time we got together he fingered me and I gave him oral sex. We haven't have sexual intercourse again. And as soon he finishes fingering me he washes his hands.
Thanks for your answer. He doesn't know because I tested positive on July 24th 2019. The results show Hsv2 Ab IgG res 8.67. Hsv2 IgG interp positive. I went because she asked me to be tested. And when to see my PCP but she was not there so I asked to see another doctor. When she came back but the second week of August she told me about the results. But she told me that they only shows I was "expose" to the virus at some point in my past and it was something I would not worry about it specially because I never had an outbreak in my life. She also told me if she was at the hospital the time I came asking to be tested she would not tested me for herpes because I never had any outbreaks and I have been getting tested for the others STDs regularly and always have been negative. So she would not tested me and avoid all the anxiety, not sleeping nights, and worries about a test results like this bring to people. Because she also said the test only detect antibodies and not the actual virus that can only be confirm if I came to the office with an actual outbreak so she would be able to take a swab and tested. So she said you are fine don't worry about it. So I didn't know anything at that point about the whole situation. So I came back to him and told him I was fine and that was the time we had sex. I gave him oral sex a couple of times. Just thinking I was ok. Still with something bothering me on my mind I came back to her to get tested and she called me and told me the same thing. But reading all the things in the internet have been shocking that I put him on risk because of what I was told. I just decided to get the antiviral even though she told me that in my case she would not recommend taking them. Because I never had an outbreak. I never wanted to expose him in that way if I knew better. He is only complaining about neck pain and headache and little tired twice but that was it. I don't want pass this to anyone.
17 Comments
So your doctor wanted you to be tested? Why? Or did you mean he asked you to be tested, meaning your boyfriend?
So you probably already know that there is no such thing as being exposed to herpes and testing positive, but not really having it. If you test positive, you have it, and you can transmit it. (Your doctor is an idiot, but unfortunately, that's all too common.)
The test does look for antibodies, but if you have antibodies, you have the virus. Many people never get symptoms, or symptoms they recognize as herpes, because for decades, it was thought that all herpes outbreaks were big, bad and painful. That's not always the case.
What was your hsv1 result?
Did your partner test? Did his tests include herpes, if he did get tested? He needs to make sure, as they don't always.
Your hsv2 is only infectious from your genitals, as herpes is only infectious from the site of the infection. If you tested positive for hsv1, you probably have that orally, and could transmit that by giving oral sex. If you don't have that, you can give him oral sex without worry.
Oral hsv2 is very rare, almost never happens. Just don't let him give you oral sex if you ever get an outbreak, and he will be fine doing that.
You should tell him. I go by the rule that I'd want to be told, so I tell. What happens in 6 months or a year or whatever and he finds your meds? It's not so much a transmission issue, since if you're on meds, the chances are very low that would ever happen, but more of a trust issue.
Tell him exactly what you told us here - you tested positive, but your doctor told you that meant you had just been exposed, and you didn't have it because you'd never had an outbreak. After thinking about it, you did some research and realized she was wrong, and now you're telling him based on what you found out. It may not be easy. He may decide to leave. That will suck, but it's no different than someone deciding you aren't for them because of your hair color, your family background, or a million other things you can't control. Avoid using words like "terrible", "horrible", etc. If you portray it as terrible, he'll think it's terrible.
It just means he's not the guy for you, and now you'll be free to find the guy who is.
Or he may be just fine with it after he asks some questions, and you give him the transmission stat of 2-3% a year if you're on suppression, or 1-2% if you add condoms to that.
Let him read this, if you want, and the herpes handbook, so he can learn about it, too.
I've had hsv2 for 15+ years. It's really just a blip in my life. Only one guy has hesitated to be with me, and he also thought you could get HIV from a toilet seat and door knobs and things. He was not the guy for me. :)
So you probably already know that there is no such thing as being exposed to herpes and testing positive, but not really having it. If you test positive, you have it, and you can transmit it. (Your doctor is an idiot, but unfortunately, that's all too common.)
The test does look for antibodies, but if you have antibodies, you have the virus. Many people never get symptoms, or symptoms they recognize as herpes, because for decades, it was thought that all herpes outbreaks were big, bad and painful. That's not always the case.
What was your hsv1 result?
Did your partner test? Did his tests include herpes, if he did get tested? He needs to make sure, as they don't always.
Your hsv2 is only infectious from your genitals, as herpes is only infectious from the site of the infection. If you tested positive for hsv1, you probably have that orally, and could transmit that by giving oral sex. If you don't have that, you can give him oral sex without worry.
Oral hsv2 is very rare, almost never happens. Just don't let him give you oral sex if you ever get an outbreak, and he will be fine doing that.
You should tell him. I go by the rule that I'd want to be told, so I tell. What happens in 6 months or a year or whatever and he finds your meds? It's not so much a transmission issue, since if you're on meds, the chances are very low that would ever happen, but more of a trust issue.
Tell him exactly what you told us here - you tested positive, but your doctor told you that meant you had just been exposed, and you didn't have it because you'd never had an outbreak. After thinking about it, you did some research and realized she was wrong, and now you're telling him based on what you found out. It may not be easy. He may decide to leave. That will suck, but it's no different than someone deciding you aren't for them because of your hair color, your family background, or a million other things you can't control. Avoid using words like "terrible", "horrible", etc. If you portray it as terrible, he'll think it's terrible.
It just means he's not the guy for you, and now you'll be free to find the guy who is.
Or he may be just fine with it after he asks some questions, and you give him the transmission stat of 2-3% a year if you're on suppression, or 1-2% if you add condoms to that.
Let him read this, if you want, and the herpes handbook, so he can learn about it, too.
I've had hsv2 for 15+ years. It's really just a blip in my life. Only one guy has hesitated to be with me, and he also thought you could get HIV from a toilet seat and door knobs and things. He was not the guy for me. :)
Thanks so much for your comment. He said he get tested every year and he was clean that was the reason he wanted me to get tested. And now after I did what I did trusting my doctor I am dealing with the guilt that he must be I infected I know symptoms can show a few days after but nothing so far since Sept 6th just a few days back he said his neck was hurting and his shoulders and feeling week, and with my new diagnosis that is not making feel any good either. I already avoided having sex with him one because I don't feel good with my body anymore and because I don't want pass this to him. I am still scare I did. I just decided to give him oral sex and he touches me down there but he never touch his genitals after putting his fingers in my vagina and as soon he is done he washes his hands. I am still in disbelief I have it. And how I get here. I don't want to lose him though I am kind in love with him but is a risk I have to take. I don't have results for hsv1. They do those together or separate when yo do your blood test for herpes???
He may or may not have been tested for herpes when he was tested. It's not often included in STD testing, even when you ask to be tested for everything. Are you sure your results say hsv2 and not hsv1/2?
His neck and shoulders wouldn't be affected if he had herpes.
They should have done a type specific IgG blood test, and given you both results. You can order just an hsv2 test, but that's ridiculous. Your doctor is an idiot. (Yes, I'm repeating myself, but that bears repeating.)
Hands will never transmit herpes. To transmit hsv2, you need direct skin to skin contact, like naked grinding, rubbing or penetration. It needs some friction, too. It will only transmit to the mucous skin, like the vulva, vagina, penis and anus. The skin on your hands, back, chest, etc., is too thick to infect unless it has a cut.
So did you see his results, or are you taking his word for it? How long ago was he tested? Has he had partners since then? How long had it been since he'd had sex when he tested?
If you both tested negative (which he thinks), why are you using condoms? Is that your birth control?
His neck and shoulders wouldn't be affected if he had herpes.
They should have done a type specific IgG blood test, and given you both results. You can order just an hsv2 test, but that's ridiculous. Your doctor is an idiot. (Yes, I'm repeating myself, but that bears repeating.)
Hands will never transmit herpes. To transmit hsv2, you need direct skin to skin contact, like naked grinding, rubbing or penetration. It needs some friction, too. It will only transmit to the mucous skin, like the vulva, vagina, penis and anus. The skin on your hands, back, chest, etc., is too thick to infect unless it has a cut.
So did you see his results, or are you taking his word for it? How long ago was he tested? Has he had partners since then? How long had it been since he'd had sex when he tested?
If you both tested negative (which he thinks), why are you using condoms? Is that your birth control?
Thanks again for helping me with all this questions. He said his last relationship was on September last year same as me. And he said he got tested after that and everything came back negative including herpes. Well I always use condoms except when I tried to get pregnant in two occasions with two different relationships. Other than that I always use condoms so does he.
The only time we had sex with penetration it was for a few seconds maybe a minute. And that was it. Since I am getting this information I have been avoiding that part because I don't feel good even with myself
And about my results yes they only say Hsv2 igG antibody test. Method CLIA.
That is all I get. Should I ask for a different test?
The only time we had sex with penetration it was for a few seconds maybe a minute. And that was it. Since I am getting this information I have been avoiding that part because I don't feel good even with myself
And about my results yes they only say Hsv2 igG antibody test. Method CLIA.
That is all I get. Should I ask for a different test?
If hepes is not the end of the world why I feel like it is?? I am really scare that I don't want to have sex anymore and fall in love again. I have been having good days... Bad days.. I go out with friends but I am not really there because my mind is on this stupid results. Have been hard for me to accept it. And some days I say I am ok I don't have anything. But just to think I can be contagious to others freak me out. Specially because I did this to myself. It have been really hard this past two months.
No, your test is a good test. I'm just surprised your doctor didn't do an hsv1 test. If you already have hsv1, that would help explain why you don't have symptoms. Hsv1 antibodies can help keep hsv2 from being too bad from the start.
You feel like it's the end of the world because it's brand new to you, and there is this stigma to herpes that is easy to buy into before you have all the information. You are no different now than you were before you knew you had it.
What exactly did you do to yourself? Herpes (and other STDs) aren't punishments for bad choices, like some kind of karma. STDs, like any other infection, just do their biological thing and reproduce and spread, much like strep throat, the flu or a cold. Germs don't care if you're the sweetest person, or just the nastiest ever.
No one ever wants to transmit anything - we all feel bad if a friend gets a cold from us - but the chances of transmission are low, since you're a female with male partners. If you use suppression, it's 2-3% a year. That's better than the odds of not getting pregnant on the pill with typical pill use (not taking it at the same time daily, missing doses, not using a backup while taking antibiotics, etc.).
Don't hesitate to get some therapy if you need it. There are therapists that specialize in sexual health matters.
You mention trying to get pregnant with a couple of previous partners. That's still an option for you. The only complications with herpes and pregnancy are is if you got infected during your 3rd trimester, or if you have an outbreak at delivery. Your doctor may put you on suppression towards the end of your pregnancy to prevent this. Other than that, your pregnancy will be the same as any other. Millions of women with herpes have healthy babies all the time.
You're really going to be okay. I promise. :)
You feel like it's the end of the world because it's brand new to you, and there is this stigma to herpes that is easy to buy into before you have all the information. You are no different now than you were before you knew you had it.
What exactly did you do to yourself? Herpes (and other STDs) aren't punishments for bad choices, like some kind of karma. STDs, like any other infection, just do their biological thing and reproduce and spread, much like strep throat, the flu or a cold. Germs don't care if you're the sweetest person, or just the nastiest ever.
No one ever wants to transmit anything - we all feel bad if a friend gets a cold from us - but the chances of transmission are low, since you're a female with male partners. If you use suppression, it's 2-3% a year. That's better than the odds of not getting pregnant on the pill with typical pill use (not taking it at the same time daily, missing doses, not using a backup while taking antibiotics, etc.).
Don't hesitate to get some therapy if you need it. There are therapists that specialize in sexual health matters.
You mention trying to get pregnant with a couple of previous partners. That's still an option for you. The only complications with herpes and pregnancy are is if you got infected during your 3rd trimester, or if you have an outbreak at delivery. Your doctor may put you on suppression towards the end of your pregnancy to prevent this. Other than that, your pregnancy will be the same as any other. Millions of women with herpes have healthy babies all the time.
You're really going to be okay. I promise. :)
Thanks again for your kind words . They really really help. In my case I don't remember having a cold sore in my mouth. I am crazy with creams in my face and never had a cold sore before. I would definitely notice it. So... He have been given him oral sex and so far he has never had a sore or anything.
And from our sexual encounter it was on Sept 6th and for now no symptoms he is infected only the pain in the neck and shoulders and some headaches. But he hasn't complained about, rash or sores or problems when pee. Just sometimes he feels tired, and one time he got sick with congested nose.
I will take your advice and I will see if I need to talk with someone about it. This is definitely not easy.
And from our sexual encounter it was on Sept 6th and for now no symptoms he is infected only the pain in the neck and shoulders and some headaches. But he hasn't complained about, rash or sores or problems when pee. Just sometimes he feels tired, and one time he got sick with congested nose.
I will take your advice and I will see if I need to talk with someone about it. This is definitely not easy.
Something like 70-90% of people with oral hsv1 never get a cold sore, so they won't know they have it. I'm not saying you do, just that it would help explain why you haven't had hsv2 symptoms.
Herpes won't cause neck and shoulder pains, or congestion. Since you used a condom, the chances he'd get it from you are 1 in 10,000, so I'd be very surprised if he got it.
It's not easy now. It will get easier later, but give yourself time to process it. :)
We're here if you ever have questions.
Herpes won't cause neck and shoulder pains, or congestion. Since you used a condom, the chances he'd get it from you are 1 in 10,000, so I'd be very surprised if he got it.
It's not easy now. It will get easier later, but give yourself time to process it. :)
We're here if you ever have questions.
Thanks auntiejessi for all your support and understanding. If you can recommend places where I can go and talk with someone about this. I am in NY Manhattan. I am really having difficulties to digest it. I have been avoiding seeing my boyfriend for a couple of weeks. Only we have been talking and texting. And I would probably will see him today. Any advice of how to approach the conversation?
I don't know what to say...
I don't know what to say...
And I am so scare to breakdown in front of him. I have to explain everything putting into words when I still don't feel good with myself.
Oh you're in Manhattan. :)
I found this person - https://www.myheartdances.com/counseling-with-melissa Her Twitter - https://twitter.com/_myheartdances_ She's in Murray Hill.
She also runs - or used to, anyway - a herpes support group, so she's familiar with it.
I wrote this a long time ago - https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/15788/Help--How-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-STDs
When I first started telling potential partners that I had herpes, I had a SPEECH. It was complete with transmission stats, shedding info, suppression, etc. I didn't have flash cards, but I did have notes. The first guy I told let me get about 3 sentences in, and said, "Oh okay, yeah, my ex had that. It's cool." He noticed my notes, and said, "Oh you had a speech? Need me to let you finish?"
After a few times, I just started saying, "I have herpes type 2. I have a ton of info if you have questions. I take valtrex, so the chances of transmission are really, really low," and let them ask whatever questions they had.
Your situation is a little different, because you had the test you didn't tell him about. Like I said earlier, tell him exactly how you told me. You got this positive test, your doctor told you that it meant that you had just been exposed in the past, but you were "fine" because you've never had an outbreak. You started doing research, and realized that was incorrect, and now you're telling him, as you have no intention to deceive him.
Make sure to ask him if he's been tested for herpes, as you've found out that most STD testing doesn't include herpes.
He will probably ask about the time you had sex, and you can tell him that since you didn't have an outbreak, and used a condom, the chances of transmission are about 1 in 10,000.
Remember that you acted with the information you had at the time. It's normal to be upset, but don't take the blame on this. You were told you were fine. If he wants more info, he can read the Herpes Handbook at https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/
You're going to be fine, and I don't know him, but if he starts getting nasty, you can leave or ask him to leave. No matter what, you don't deserve to be treated badly. You are still worthy of being treated well.
Let me know how it goes. You've got this. :)
I found this person - https://www.myheartdances.com/counseling-with-melissa Her Twitter - https://twitter.com/_myheartdances_ She's in Murray Hill.
She also runs - or used to, anyway - a herpes support group, so she's familiar with it.
I wrote this a long time ago - https://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/15788/Help--How-to-talk-to-your-partner-about-STDs
When I first started telling potential partners that I had herpes, I had a SPEECH. It was complete with transmission stats, shedding info, suppression, etc. I didn't have flash cards, but I did have notes. The first guy I told let me get about 3 sentences in, and said, "Oh okay, yeah, my ex had that. It's cool." He noticed my notes, and said, "Oh you had a speech? Need me to let you finish?"
After a few times, I just started saying, "I have herpes type 2. I have a ton of info if you have questions. I take valtrex, so the chances of transmission are really, really low," and let them ask whatever questions they had.
Your situation is a little different, because you had the test you didn't tell him about. Like I said earlier, tell him exactly how you told me. You got this positive test, your doctor told you that it meant that you had just been exposed in the past, but you were "fine" because you've never had an outbreak. You started doing research, and realized that was incorrect, and now you're telling him, as you have no intention to deceive him.
Make sure to ask him if he's been tested for herpes, as you've found out that most STD testing doesn't include herpes.
He will probably ask about the time you had sex, and you can tell him that since you didn't have an outbreak, and used a condom, the chances of transmission are about 1 in 10,000.
Remember that you acted with the information you had at the time. It's normal to be upset, but don't take the blame on this. You were told you were fine. If he wants more info, he can read the Herpes Handbook at https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/
You're going to be fine, and I don't know him, but if he starts getting nasty, you can leave or ask him to leave. No matter what, you don't deserve to be treated badly. You are still worthy of being treated well.
Let me know how it goes. You've got this. :)
Hi Auntiejessi
I finally spoke with him. Obviously he took it bad. He just told me I should be honest and told him whatever my doctor said. And he knows that it is wrong information. He told me also I chose for him and I didn't gave him a chance to decide. And all is true totally true. I really regret my actions. He is very sad that is the only thing he say to me . I made him very sad and us true I hurt him. Ohh Auntiejessi this is like living a nightmare over and over again. I wish I could get back in time and do better. I hurt someone so deeply.
I finally spoke with him. Obviously he took it bad. He just told me I should be honest and told him whatever my doctor said. And he knows that it is wrong information. He told me also I chose for him and I didn't gave him a chance to decide. And all is true totally true. I really regret my actions. He is very sad that is the only thing he say to me . I made him very sad and us true I hurt him. Ohh Auntiejessi this is like living a nightmare over and over again. I wish I could get back in time and do better. I hurt someone so deeply.
I'm so sorry. I wish it had gone differently.
Unfortunately, we can't go back in time and change anything. I know you're really sad, and understandably so, but remember that you were doing the best you could with the information you were given.
Are you still together, or did he end things?
I would caution you to pay attention to the things you're telling yourself - "this is like living a nightmare over and over again." This is one mistake in a very long lifetime, and you went with the information you were given. Yes, he's hurt, and yes, his choice was taken away, and that's important, but at the time, you were told you "were fine".
I know I have the benefit of time that you don't yet have, but I promise this all gets easier.
Don't hesitate to call that therapist, either. Now would be a really good time to have some in person support.
It sucks when we hurt people we care about. All we can do is learn from it and not do it again.
You're going to be fine. Keep me updated, ok?
Unfortunately, we can't go back in time and change anything. I know you're really sad, and understandably so, but remember that you were doing the best you could with the information you were given.
Are you still together, or did he end things?
I would caution you to pay attention to the things you're telling yourself - "this is like living a nightmare over and over again." This is one mistake in a very long lifetime, and you went with the information you were given. Yes, he's hurt, and yes, his choice was taken away, and that's important, but at the time, you were told you "were fine".
I know I have the benefit of time that you don't yet have, but I promise this all gets easier.
Don't hesitate to call that therapist, either. Now would be a really good time to have some in person support.
It sucks when we hurt people we care about. All we can do is learn from it and not do it again.
You're going to be fine. Keep me updated, ok?
He didn't end things right away. He just told me he is very sad and I should be honest with him. I just keep texting him about how sorry I am. Because is true . I am truly sorry and I wish I never caused him this pain. My poor judgement made him so sad. Should I continue texting him or give him space?
I don't know him, so I can't say for sure, but I'm always a big fan of space, and not overly apologizing.
He knows you're sorry. He knows that you know you made a mistake in judgement. Let it be now.
He now has a decision to make, and he's entitled to some time to make it.
You keep saying you made a mistake. The only mistake you made was trusting your doctor, which many others would have done in your position. Cut yourself some slack. You are only human. What would you tell your best friend if she were in this position? Think about that, and then tell yourself the exact same thing.
If he decides he can't be with you, that's okay. That means he's not for you. There WILL be other men. Right now, you probably can't imagine telling anyone else, or having anyone accepting it. I thought the same thing, and since then, I've learned that most people will. I've even used it to try to get men away from me in bars, and it doesn't work, like, "oh you don't want me, I have herpes." A few have said they don't care, and a few have said they have it, too, which totally worked against my agenda lol.
I'm no supermodel. I'm middle aged and overweight. Even when I was younger, men didn't care.
So stop apologizing, let him be, and give yourself time to come to terms with this. Your well-being and feelings are just as important as his.
He knows you're sorry. He knows that you know you made a mistake in judgement. Let it be now.
He now has a decision to make, and he's entitled to some time to make it.
You keep saying you made a mistake. The only mistake you made was trusting your doctor, which many others would have done in your position. Cut yourself some slack. You are only human. What would you tell your best friend if she were in this position? Think about that, and then tell yourself the exact same thing.
If he decides he can't be with you, that's okay. That means he's not for you. There WILL be other men. Right now, you probably can't imagine telling anyone else, or having anyone accepting it. I thought the same thing, and since then, I've learned that most people will. I've even used it to try to get men away from me in bars, and it doesn't work, like, "oh you don't want me, I have herpes." A few have said they don't care, and a few have said they have it, too, which totally worked against my agenda lol.
I'm no supermodel. I'm middle aged and overweight. Even when I was younger, men didn't care.
So stop apologizing, let him be, and give yourself time to come to terms with this. Your well-being and feelings are just as important as his.
Hi Auntiejessi. Thanks for all the advices and for your kind words I really appreciate them. I asked to the doctor for my results on hsv 1 and they are negative. I only was positive for hsv 2 and for some reason I never had a visible outbreak or something that alerted me I had the virus and still this days I don't feel anything at all, honestly I don't know how to manage this situation.
My boyfriend and I so far we have exchanged a few text messages and he only said he is disappointed at me, he misses me but still disappointed, I don't blame him. I keep telling him I am sorry and he knows I truly mean it. Honestly if he decides to stays with me I don't know how to handle the situation when I don't get any symptoms at all.
Sometimes I feel that doctors are right when day say don't test people with no visible symptoms because the hell we are going through is the worse nightmare. I keep thinking all day about what I have and how to move on??? Because I have. No idea
My boyfriend and I so far we have exchanged a few text messages and he only said he is disappointed at me, he misses me but still disappointed, I don't blame him. I keep telling him I am sorry and he knows I truly mean it. Honestly if he decides to stays with me I don't know how to handle the situation when I don't get any symptoms at all.
Sometimes I feel that doctors are right when day say don't test people with no visible symptoms because the hell we are going through is the worse nightmare. I keep thinking all day about what I have and how to move on??? Because I have. No idea
I'm so sorry you are still struggling with this.
I also go back and forth about not testing asymptomatic people, but then I think what if you had transmitted it to him, not knowing you had it? When you know you have it, you can make treatment decisions to use suppression therapy and reduce the risk of transmission.
What I don't get is why he's so disappointed in you. Your doctor is like so many others - I hear it all the time here. They think there are "herpes carriers" or something who have been exposed, but with no symptoms, it means they were exposed, but not infected. You were reacting to information you got from your doctor.
How long are you going to let him punish you for this? You made a mistake in judgement based on information you had from your doctor. Once you got more information and took a minute to process it - during which you did nothing to put him at risk - you told him. I know you feel all kinds of guilty about this, but I have nothing invested either way, and I'm angry for you. You have power here. Don't forget that. You don't need to be with someone who continues to punish you for something you've apologized for endlessly and didn't do intentionally.
It's herpes. It's not fatal, it's not debilitating, it's not deforming.
Have you called a counselor? I'm concerned about you. This seems like your worst nightmare - I promise you, it isn't, and one day something will happen that will be far worse, and there's no shame in getting some help for it. Time helps A LOT, but that you are thinking about it all day tells me it's time for you to talk to someone about this. Don't forget about this woman I found - https://www.myheartdances.com/counseling-with-melissa Her Twitter - https://twitter.com/_myheartdances_ She's in Murray Hill. If she can't help, she says she'll help you find someone who can.
YOU ARE WORTHY of better. You have a virus that the majority of the population has. Over half of the adult population has hsv1, about 12-20% has hsv2, depending on age (and it's higher in NYC), and some have both.
I hope you really consider getting some help. I don't know if you've ever dealt with depression before, but it sounds like you might be now.
I also go back and forth about not testing asymptomatic people, but then I think what if you had transmitted it to him, not knowing you had it? When you know you have it, you can make treatment decisions to use suppression therapy and reduce the risk of transmission.
What I don't get is why he's so disappointed in you. Your doctor is like so many others - I hear it all the time here. They think there are "herpes carriers" or something who have been exposed, but with no symptoms, it means they were exposed, but not infected. You were reacting to information you got from your doctor.
How long are you going to let him punish you for this? You made a mistake in judgement based on information you had from your doctor. Once you got more information and took a minute to process it - during which you did nothing to put him at risk - you told him. I know you feel all kinds of guilty about this, but I have nothing invested either way, and I'm angry for you. You have power here. Don't forget that. You don't need to be with someone who continues to punish you for something you've apologized for endlessly and didn't do intentionally.
It's herpes. It's not fatal, it's not debilitating, it's not deforming.
Have you called a counselor? I'm concerned about you. This seems like your worst nightmare - I promise you, it isn't, and one day something will happen that will be far worse, and there's no shame in getting some help for it. Time helps A LOT, but that you are thinking about it all day tells me it's time for you to talk to someone about this. Don't forget about this woman I found - https://www.myheartdances.com/counseling-with-melissa Her Twitter - https://twitter.com/_myheartdances_ She's in Murray Hill. If she can't help, she says she'll help you find someone who can.
YOU ARE WORTHY of better. You have a virus that the majority of the population has. Over half of the adult population has hsv1, about 12-20% has hsv2, depending on age (and it's higher in NYC), and some have both.
I hope you really consider getting some help. I don't know if you've ever dealt with depression before, but it sounds like you might be now.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh hon. I wish you weren't so freaked about this.
Does he know you have hsv2? If he doesn't, you should tell him. If he does know, he's made the decision to be with you, and he's a big boy, and can make decisions regarding his body.
How were you diagnosed with having hsv2? Did you have a culture done? Was that culture typed? Maybe you had a blood test? Do you have those results?
So all that said, I'm not sure you know how low the chances of transmitting this is to him.
Assuming your results are accurate and true, and you do have hsv2 genitally, these are the transmission rates for a female to male, over the course of a year, assuming sex 2-3 times a week:
Only avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5%
Adding condoms OR daily suppression - 2-3%
Adding condoms AND daily suppression - 1-2%
Daily suppression is taking a medication like Valtrex or acyclovir every day. This helps reduce viral shedding and reduces the frequency of outbreaks.
Chances of it being transmitted during any one time of sex with a condom is about 1 in 10,000.
If you take nothing else away from this, please know that you are not a walking infection, just spewing herpes everywhere.
You should also read the Herpes Handbook, written by Terri Warren, who is one of the world's leading experts in this. It's free, too. :) https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/
Does he know you have hsv2? If he doesn't, you should tell him. If he does know, he's made the decision to be with you, and he's a big boy, and can make decisions regarding his body.
How were you diagnosed with having hsv2? Did you have a culture done? Was that culture typed? Maybe you had a blood test? Do you have those results?
So all that said, I'm not sure you know how low the chances of transmitting this is to him.
Assuming your results are accurate and true, and you do have hsv2 genitally, these are the transmission rates for a female to male, over the course of a year, assuming sex 2-3 times a week:
Only avoiding sex during an outbreak - 4-5%
Adding condoms OR daily suppression - 2-3%
Adding condoms AND daily suppression - 1-2%
Daily suppression is taking a medication like Valtrex or acyclovir every day. This helps reduce viral shedding and reduces the frequency of outbreaks.
Chances of it being transmitted during any one time of sex with a condom is about 1 in 10,000.
If you take nothing else away from this, please know that you are not a walking infection, just spewing herpes everywhere.
You should also read the Herpes Handbook, written by Terri Warren, who is one of the world's leading experts in this. It's free, too. :) https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/
1 Comments
Thanks for your answer. He doesn't know because I tested positive on July 24th 2019. The results show Hsv2 Ab IgG res 8.67. Hsv2 IgG interp positive. I went because she asked me to be tested. And when to see my PCP but she was not there so I asked to see another doctor. When she came back but the second week of August she told me about the results. But she told me that they only shows I was "expose" to the virus at some point in my past and it was something I would not worry about it specially because I never had an outbreak in my life. She also told me if she was at the hospital the time I came asking to be tested she would not tested me for herpes because I never had any outbreaks and I have been getting tested for the others STDs regularly and always have been negative. So she would not tested me and avoid all the anxiety, not sleeping nights, and worries about a test results like this bring to people. Because she also said the test only detect antibodies and not the actual virus that can only be confirm if I came to the office with an actual outbreak so she would be able to take a swab and tested. So she said you are fine don't worry about it. So I didn't know anything at that point about the whole situation. So I came back to him and told him I was fine and that was the time we had sex. I gave him oral sex a couple of times. Just thinking I was ok. Still with something bothering me on my mind I came back to her to get tested and she called me and told me the same thing. But reading all the things in the internet have been shocking that I put him on risk because of what I was told. I just decided to get the antiviral even though she told me that in my case she would not recommend taking them. Because I never had an outbreak. I never wanted to expose him in that way if I knew better. He is only complaining about neck pain and headache and little tired twice but that was it. I don't want pass this to anyone.
I wish doctors inform you a little better.
I wish doctors inform you a little better.
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Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
