Brief background: i am 18, i have had sex with only one person and we were in a relationship for about a year. He had many many sexual partners prior to me but claimed that he always used a condom - aside from one girlfriend with whom he got tested with at the start of their relationship.
About february last year, I stayed with him for a few days and we had sex around 4 times a day (by the second day it was very painful for me as it was dry and very rough). By the third day i couldnt actually have sex as the friction was too painful.
When i returned home, I was in excruciating pain whenever i peed, and I noticed that i had a tear about an inch long from the base of my vulva/vagina along the bit towards my anus - which i must have sustained day 2. This was raw and very painful. About a day later i had a few ulcer type things either side - but they didnt look like the clusters of herpes i see on the internet, they were more pink and fleshy than white.
I also had one ulcer on my upper labia and one near my anus.
I told my boyfriend and he went to get tested and said he was all good and that he swore he had nothing.
I went to my GP (this was about 5 days after sex, and 3 days after i had the ulcer type things), who said she did not know much about STDs and i would be better off going to a clinic, however the clinics were closed so she agreed to see me. She inspected me and looked in her book then said it appears as though i do have herpes. She swabbed the ulcers (which were partially healed apart from the large tear which she also swabbed), and I just assumed from her diagnosis that i did have herpes.
When i did call to get my results it turned out that everything was normal and I needed no treatment. So I spent the next year happily going about my life.
When I got a text from the chlamydia screening several weeks ago saying it was 12 months since my last test, I then suddenly remembered about my herpes scare and started googling it frantically. I then self diagnosed from other's stories and convinced myself that I do have herpes, and have been incredibly depressed for weeks. From other people's stories i have read that they were initially diagnosed as negative when infact they did have herpes, but it cannot be diagnosed after the first three days of the outbreak. It is worse still as I have a potential new boyfriend who I really really like, but I cannot do anything sexual as in the back of my head I am thinking i may have herpes. I know that to an 18 year old boy, its a scary thing and so I feel like if i ever told someone that i do have it, they will not want to be with me. I feel like I am damaged and must settle in the future.
I went to a clinic where i had tests for HIV, chlamydia, syphilis and gonnorhea - all of which came back negative.
I have not had another outbreak that I am aware of, but I haven't been surveying myself much over the past year as I thought I was fine. Since I was reminded of the all of these possibilities I have been excessively checking myself every time I go to the bathroom, every time i change clothes etc etc, and I am very worried.
The problem is, unless I have an outbreak, I cannot be diagnosed successfully - and I haven't had anything since the initial incident more than 15 months ago.
The hospital told me that even a blood test for the antibodies is not worth it as people frequently get false negatives/positives and it is not a definite or reliable diagnosis.
I have noticed this past week that on my left inner labia (and not the right one), around the edge of it it is like little lumps under the surface around the entire edge.
My question is, what are the chances that I do have herpes? Is there another explanation for the ulcers after i tore from dry/rough sex? If I have never had a coldsore on my mouth, but always gave oral sex before sex, is it any less likely that I could now have genital herpes?
p.s. i just remembered, I have had moluscum contagiousum years ago on my armpits and i do have very dry almost eczchma like skin sometimes. I dont know if either of these could be relevant.