It is of course true that many people are seriously impacted by genital herpes, especially if HSV2 (not so much with HSV1). Still, it is also true that norainbow's experience is atypical. The large majority of people with genital HSV2 quickly learn to live with it, without serious disruption of their lives, romatically or otherwise.
NRB, your doom and gloom comments about herpes in many threads are becoming quite tiresome.
I have genital HSV2. If you are relatively young then my advice is to go find someone else because this disease is a nightmare. It's impacted my sex life, CNS, skin, liver from taking Valtrex too much, and just isn't worth the risk. There are a lot of people that like to downplay the risks and impact of HSV2, but take it from a guy that has it, go find someone else. You'll sleep better at night.
Having herpes can be hard, while herpes dating sites can help single people to dating someone with herpes.
I'm also curious but his profile page has no updates since 2010 - oh well.....
So what was the outcome with the girl...?? I know it's been a while but I was curious. ?
Thanks everyone for your help. I'm sure this will help me as I think through this question. I did find out just now that I'm free of all major STD's (HIV, HepB/C, HSV1/2, Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea), which will make the decision process somewhat harder for me. I almost wish I'd been positive for HSV1 or 2 (esp 2) and it would be easier to decide... but alas this is mixed good news/bad news situation. I don't know which way I'll decide yet... but thanks for all the help. I really appreciate it!
anytime you date it can lead to rejection. Sometimes it's because you don't dress "right", sometimes it's because you don't make "enough" money, sometimes it's because you have 4 kids from a previous relationship and their mom has some serious "issues" that she thinks the whole world should have to deal with and other times it's because you told someone you have genital herpes. It's what dating is all about - getting to know someone and deciding if you can deal with their baggage or not. At least with herpes, you can take a pill or two a day and keep it under control - can't deal with a gambling addiction, money woes or being a complete slob as easily :)
Life is all about chances. if you know that you can't deal with the risk of herpes, be honest with this partner and then move on. If you think you are willing to chance it, then by all means be honest with your partner about that too and work on growing the relationship :)
grace
sadgirl - thanks for the excellent pointer. i really appreciate it! and also thanks for your longer response.
Pls read this archived message from one of the STD experts, a leading MD in the area of STIs....
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Questions-about-herpes-transmission/show/246525
You've obviously thought through the issues....
Pls allow me to add my two cents worth:
To let something as minor as HSV2 (cold sores below the waist) to prevent you from engaging in a meaningful relationship with this woman is absolutely crazy. If you were to contract it from her (which you are statistically unlikely to but nevertheless a possibility), and the relationship ends, yes, this might cause slight problems in starting new relationships. But, it also might serve as a very good litmus test to determine if this next woman is worth being in a relationship with. If a person cannot handle something as minor as cold sores below the waist, how can s/he be expected to deal with the real stuff, like debt, cancer, child disability, etc., all of which are statistical likelihoods in the context of a relationship.
Based on hard earned personal experience, I can honestly tell you that being in a relationship with HSV2 is a blessing. Believe me, it will deepen your relationship, forcing a deeper level of honesty and trust.
I totally know what it's like to be in your situation (in multiple ways---considering a relationship with a HSV2 person, being in a statistical unique position when it comes to dating). However, I can safely say that giving up this relationship based on a small skin irritation below the waist will be something you'll likely regret, especially if both she's such a intellectual, ethnic, religious match.
It's really not that big of a deal....
petal - thanks for the response. it sounds like you think i'm dismissing graces's stats, but i'm not. i was actually explicit in saying that my own stats were likely to be in error since i don't have much experience or depth on this subject. i used the word 'agreement' loosely. what i meant was that they were both leading me to the same conclusion - that the risks are rather low. But yeah, I suppose it's important to differentiate 'miniscule' from 'low', and 1% is 'miniscule'. thanks!
Grace isn't just pulling those stats out of her butt - they are factual statistics based on clinical trials/studies. So needless to say, your stats are not at all in agreement. And as Grace said, were you to use condoms and she take suppressive therapy, there's only a 1% chance annually that she would transmit herpes to you.
Thanks Grace!
I thinjk our stats are really in agreement. You think I'll have a 96% chance of not contracting (or 4% chance of contracting), and I think I'll have a 5-15% chance of contracting. I obviously don't have as much depth of knowledge in this subject, and my (incomplete, inaccurate, internet based) research seems to tell me the stats are 5% risk to 15% risk (depending on the site, source of stats etc).
The drawback is a social one. If I know I have it, I'd feel obliged to disclose it. Chances are good that it would result in rejections, which can hurt, or just limit me. Of course, I could choose not to get tested in the future, and be like many other adults... ;), but I doubt I can be passive like that either.
Grace - I understand this is a medical awareness forum, and less of a social discussion forum. Are there other internet forums where I can discuss this type of a question, and perhaps find other people to talk (metaphorically, I mean email) with that might have faced a similar question/dilemma in their lives?
Not sure where you got your stats from. As a male, if you do nothing but avoid sex anytime she has obvious genital symptoms, you are 96% likely each year NOT to contract hsv2 from her. If she takes daily suppressive therapy, you use condoms and avoid sex when she has anything going on genitally, it's a 99% likelihood each year that you won't contract hsv2 from her.
it's not likely you contracted hsv2 from her from 2 encounters.
Honestly you are much safer with someone who knows that they are hsv2+ than you are with someone who doesn't get tested to know that they are infected. With 1 out of every 4-5 adults having hsv2 in the US, it's really not the drawback you are envisioning it to be.
grace