My partner just told me she has genital herpes

[in2it]

My partner of six months has just informed me she has had genital herpes for the last few years. She says it is "under control" by suppressive treatment but im still worried. I am unable to find any definitive answers on how contagious etc. it is. I have performed oral sex and masturbated her but have always used condoms for sex. In my job i get tested at regular intervals for immunity and transmitted diseases and so far have been negative. Should i be worried

[gracefromHHP]

barrier protection is condoms, dental dams etc.

[in2it]

No still worried i havent as yet. she is on holiday in canada and it is something i would like to discuss in person.

[Still_Worried_]

I'm assuming you confirmed she has HSV II?  The reason I ask is because if she has HSV I genitally, it sheds infrequently and the risk of transmission is very low.

[in2it]

barrier protection???

[gracefromHHP]

you can contract hsv2 orally but the risk of such is very low. your partner being on daily suppressive therapy also lowers your risk even more since less virus makes it to the skin to be detected while on it.  you also can utilize barrier protection for oral too if you want - it's totally up to you.  your risk of contracting hsv2 genitally is higher than your risk of contracting it orally.

[in2it]

well some literature say you shouldnt do it, while some say it is ok as you cannot transmit or catch herpes orally??

[gracefromHHP]

what sort of conflict?

[in2it]

Thanks for your help Grace, have downloaded the handbook, there seems to be a bit of conflict with oral stimulation on her. Is this a problem??

[gracefromHHP]

correct - no reason to test you for herpes because of your job so you very well aren't getting tested for it. it's also not a part of routine std testing either.

children isn't really an issue either. She has a well established infection so her herpes would only be an issue when she delivers. the handbook has a whole section on herpes and pregnancy too for more info.  

grace

[in2it]

Thanks guys, this is a big help. I believe your are probably right, im in law enforcement so it may not be part of my normal tests. So i need to specifically ask for a HSV Test?? is that right??

What if we decide to have children?? this is scary stuff, but i have fallen for her..

[gracefromHHP]

I highly recommend googling the herpes handbook by terri warren. it's free to read online or print out at home and has terrific info for you and your partner both in it.  

so what are your risks? Well her being on daily suppressive therapy, you using condoms and not having sex whenever she has any symptoms genitally makes you 99% likely NOT to contract hsv2 from her each year you are with her. Very good odds for not a heck of a lot of effort. Definitely test to see what your status is but no reason for repeated testing on a regular basis. odds are herpes isn't a part of your testing you get done but you can check to find out.  

keep asking questions!

grace

[Still_Worried_]

First, what type of genital herpes does she have?  HSV I or HSV II?

Make sure you check to see you've been tested for HSV.  It's not typically included in routine screening.  If you have, are you negative for both HSV I or HSV II?  What type of testing have you had done?  If it's blood, is it IgG or IgM?  IgM is useless.