What outbreaks look like will vary from person to person and you'll learn over time what yours look like. It's most common to have blisters form, but some may get small cuts. It wouldn't be chapped lips or just red spots.
However, irritation to the area can increase viral shedding, so if you have irritation in the area, you should avoid kissing or performing oral sex.
Do you know if your gf has hsv1? Many people have it and don't know because 90% of those who do never get a cold sore. If she hasn't tested, she should. If she has it, it is highly unlikely that she'd get it again from you. Just avoid oral sex during an outbreak, and it should be fine.
It's possible, though not as common. Honestly, you'll figure out how your body responds to herpes over time. We aren't able to tell you what is happening on your body. Next time you get something you suspect is in outbreak, have your doc culture it to be sure. This will help you determine what is and isn't an outbreak.
You'll likely never know the answers to any of these definitively. I know that's frustrating, and I am one that definitely has a NEED TO KNOW all the things, but sometimes we have to let it go and just accept what is. :(