I've posted same question on OCD board, cause my psychiatrist thought I was nut and obsessive, and people on that board really tried to help me(appreciate them) but nothing is solved yet and I'm so desperate I post here same question again,
It'll be a long post, would u plz spare some time to read it and help me?
1. I used to have IBS always, since infant. Every kind of IBS. But I never had any problem related with smell.
I sometimes had body odor when I ate spicy food or the summer was too hot, but usually I've been O.k.
UNTIL NOW.
2. some years ago, I stayed in a very hot and humid country, so I ate tons of cola and sweets to cool me down, usually i don't like sweet foods, but hot weather changed me.
and I traveled so many places, had lots of stress.
Since then, I encountered strange things happening around me; people looking at me puzzled, or 5 minutes after I entered a room the people in there all leave except me, or person sat next to me suddenly change seats to FAR away, or people around me bend their back and hide their faces like there is some fire smoke.
but I had no idea and didn't care about that things, thinking I'm tired from the travel.
3. After i came back home, things became more noticeable.
I became sooooo gassy. I am usually gassy person but this was crazy. I was gassy every five SECONDS. and smell was awful. I thought maybe this was the reason people avoided me and was disgusted of myself
I tried everything to make me normal. Living on nearly only vegetables or fruits, lots of laxatives, or probiotics, I tried everything whatever named 'gut cure'.
then my gas subsided and smell became manageable.
4. Then, MYSTERY THING started to happen.
I cured my gas problem somehow but people reacted more furiously, like I am farting 24/7.
i didn't fart, even if I did it involuntary, it wouldn't be for 24 hours. but people reacted like I smell 24/7.
first couple of months i couldn't smell myself, but i started to notice random whiff of it.
It was like dead animal, or rotten sewer, or really nasty fart smell, or just smell of my inside gut. I didn't know where the hell is that coming from.
I was freaked out. Since I could smell my BO(?) I religiously tried everything to sanitize my gut.
5. about 2 years of trial made me better. the odor emitted from me subsided and people's reaction became less.
I lived on nearly small portion of grains and lots of vegetable, and some fishes. No sugar, No junk.
Strange thing is, though the smell become lessened, I vigorously started emit gas or odor through my entire body or pores.
Even small bit of spicy food or smelly food like onion made me emit some terrible odor to FAR FAR AWAY.
so people walking ahead 100 meters could smell me and turn around.
and the smell became more like not HUMAN, it was like sewer or food itself or fecal matter still in my small intestine.
and I was no more gassy. Gas just seeped out through my body. Not coming out through rear end. (sorry for being graphical)
6. My family or friends or Docs cannot smell me. When I confided this problem to them, one of my friends called me mental. My family and friends are all brutally honest and don't care much about my feelings, they are not lying.
Docs either couldn't smell me even when I could smell entire room is filled with my sewer smell. I know I'm not hallucinating because all patients in the waiting room was looking at me with anger and discomfort. I'm not ugly and I don't usually draw attention, their eyes were saying 'YOU SMELL TERRIBLE'.
7. I did many tests physically, all came out normal. So angered docs got tired of me and kicked me to psychiatrists.
They can't smell me too. Just five minutes ago passengers in subway covered their nose and glared at me, my shrink just said 'It's in your head'.
and they prescribed me several anti-depressants or sedatives.
anti-depressants worsened my symptom, sedatives made me feel better and weakened symptoms, and anti-psychotics made symptom a bit better but side effect was so huge i quit them. Now i only take benzo to manage everyday life. (It doesn't clear the smell, but lessen the density)
8. It's been 5 years and i'm still living in nightmare.
My family don't approve my problem and family budget became wreck, so my parents forced me to work in their store.
I lost many customers at my shift. Many people glared at me or laughed at my face or frowned and never came back. Staffs working at my neighbor stores doesn't come anymore. I told this to mother but she denies denies denies, saying 'it is economic crisis'.
What kind of economic crisis make customers frown and never come back to my store when we are lodged just next to their houses?!!!!!
I gave up persuading my family and just force myself to go work, cause If I quit we'll have financial problem.
I have a brother who is 'genuinely psychotic so my parents don't count on', he is nearly 40 but still live with my parents and doesn't work, doesn't socialize with anyone, addicted to online games, doesn't do house chores.
So my parents depends on me, I can't just quit and become home-bound like my brother.
While at the same, I'm losing my mother's customers because of my smell.
Hell loop, isn't it?
9. It's been a long post with lousy grammar, thx for reading this.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know what the hell is this. No ancient medicines describe this kind of things, no conventional medicine noticed this(though they are starting to notice a bit and named it olfactory reference syndrome)
I always had IBS. and this seems to related to IBS. But even severe IBS patients don't usually have this.
Before this symptom started, even when I had terrible diarrhea I didn't emit any odor.
Now my body seems trying to emit odor no matter what I do. I tried every kind of supplements and tried several traditional medicines, took many many test, even went to psychiatrists. Nothing worked. Only xanax makes me feel a bit better(or make me numb), and being careful not to eat spicy thing works somehow.
10. Now I'm not a walking abomination for 24/7. Some days are good some days are bad. I honestly don't know what is actual trigger.
One day I don't have any odor so customers are so nice to me.(I'm rather good looking and people like my personality)
then the next day i emit strange odor, customers stop smiling and become rigid face, and never come back.
I don't know how this store still managed this far while I cleared out entire store with my smell.
Xanax make the smell less frequent, vegetable or coffee makes the smell less naughty. so I'm basically living on switching xanax and coffee. (weird, isn't it?)
I'm thinking one day I take xanax and next day have coffee. Taking only one of them doesn't work.
11. Really become long post, this is last paragraph. Today I think I lost another couple of customers. one of them even waved their hand to dishevel the odor. Some said 'what the smell is that....' under their breath. Some coughed or become grimace.
I AM TIRED.
I don't hope being respected or being liked anymore. I just wish people don't hate me or talk back behind me.
I just want to die but thinking of my parents I can't.
thanks for reading.
Is there anyone who can help me?
I wish I was mental and everything was just hallucination.
I truly wish I were schizophrenia and I will trade this syndrome with cancer. I MEAN IT.