Aa
Do you have one person that controls money in your relationship?
I work with a man that is constantly talking of not having money because his wife manages their budget. He is allowed to have $20.00 per week in cash, but has to account for each and every dollar spent.
It's Friday and normally, a lady in my office and I go grab a burger or something and visit - on Fridays. It's usually no more than $5.00-$6.00. He's new and we have invited him to lunch on a few occasions and as long as we paid - he would go. He just told us that he has the money to go but his wife didn't TELL him he could use his $5.00 today. I asked him if he didn't have a debit card and he said, Yes, but I am not allowed to use it. He was actually counting change to see if he could get an order of fries when she and I went!
Granted he was out of work for a couple of months, but we just found out that (he told us) that he received 6 months salary when he was laid off. This isn't someone making $6.50 an hour - I do the payroll and know what he makes and it's definitely not a nominal amount. He has also mentioned that he doesn't have any large bills - 1 car payment - small house payment (under $700 a month) - his mother buys his family their clothes - his wife works.... nothing unusual (OH and NO credit cards)....why he shard that is beyond me....
I understand the need to save money,especially in today's economy, but he is always talking of savings, etc. and now he mentions that he isn't ALLOWED to spend money, as little as $5.00. I have read all of the Dave Ramsey, and I get it....but even Dave Ramsey allows for SOME use of cash. I just can't imagine being a 41 year old - professional person - who isn't allowed to spend $5.00!
Is that a normal (and as I told him - if it works, good for you), way to handle finances in a relationship? My husband and I budget, but we have an amount that we are comfortable to spend without accounting to each other - at least for lunch once a week.
What is your opinion?
It's Friday and normally, a lady in my office and I go grab a burger or something and visit - on Fridays. It's usually no more than $5.00-$6.00. He's new and we have invited him to lunch on a few occasions and as long as we paid - he would go. He just told us that he has the money to go but his wife didn't TELL him he could use his $5.00 today. I asked him if he didn't have a debit card and he said, Yes, but I am not allowed to use it. He was actually counting change to see if he could get an order of fries when she and I went!
Granted he was out of work for a couple of months, but we just found out that (he told us) that he received 6 months salary when he was laid off. This isn't someone making $6.50 an hour - I do the payroll and know what he makes and it's definitely not a nominal amount. He has also mentioned that he doesn't have any large bills - 1 car payment - small house payment (under $700 a month) - his mother buys his family their clothes - his wife works.... nothing unusual (OH and NO credit cards)....why he shard that is beyond me....
I understand the need to save money,especially in today's economy, but he is always talking of savings, etc. and now he mentions that he isn't ALLOWED to spend money, as little as $5.00. I have read all of the Dave Ramsey, and I get it....but even Dave Ramsey allows for SOME use of cash. I just can't imagine being a 41 year old - professional person - who isn't allowed to spend $5.00!
Is that a normal (and as I told him - if it works, good for you), way to handle finances in a relationship? My husband and I budget, but we have an amount that we are comfortable to spend without accounting to each other - at least for lunch once a week.
What is your opinion?
Uh...I'm I the only one who noticed his mom is buying the family clothes?? Sounds like maybe he's used to having the women in his life do everything for him...and he likes it. He probably has some "manly" complex and realizes it's not the norm for your wife to allot you money so he lies and makes you feel sorry for him...
Anyway, who knows, it does sound a bit odd.
Anyway, who knows, it does sound a bit odd.
How old is this guy? Mature people don't tolerate this type of treatment if they don't like it. While he may not like it in the same sense that you and I like things or people he tolerates bad treatment so it must play into his likes or needs in some way(s).
I read people saying that this guy should sit down and talk to his wife etc and you say he should learn to put his foot down. From what I read he is not capable or inclined to do that. Why he complains about it is what fascinates me. I have seen a lot of guys dominated by their wives but rarely do they speak out about it - in my experience anyway. It has to be coaxed out of them because they are ashamed to be treated like they are. This man seems to want to talk about it. To tell new co-workers that your wife has to authorize every expenditure would be too humiliating to most of the men I know who are in a situation like this to speak about - and especially to new female co-workers.
I think there are 2 possibilities. He's either lying or exaggerating for some reason or he's comfortable with his situation. I don't disagree that he is in an abusive relationship if what he says is true. I just think that for some reason he "likes" it. Generally abusive husbands make more money than their wives so the wives feel stuck - I never knew an abused wife who was rich. though there probably are some. If this guy makes more than his wife then why would he tolerate her mistreatment about money. The vast majority of abused women who I have come across did not have the means to just leave the abusive relationship. I did a lot of divorce law and that was what I saw. This story just sounds too strange to me.
Mike
I read people saying that this guy should sit down and talk to his wife etc and you say he should learn to put his foot down. From what I read he is not capable or inclined to do that. Why he complains about it is what fascinates me. I have seen a lot of guys dominated by their wives but rarely do they speak out about it - in my experience anyway. It has to be coaxed out of them because they are ashamed to be treated like they are. This man seems to want to talk about it. To tell new co-workers that your wife has to authorize every expenditure would be too humiliating to most of the men I know who are in a situation like this to speak about - and especially to new female co-workers.
I think there are 2 possibilities. He's either lying or exaggerating for some reason or he's comfortable with his situation. I don't disagree that he is in an abusive relationship if what he says is true. I just think that for some reason he "likes" it. Generally abusive husbands make more money than their wives so the wives feel stuck - I never knew an abused wife who was rich. though there probably are some. If this guy makes more than his wife then why would he tolerate her mistreatment about money. The vast majority of abused women who I have come across did not have the means to just leave the abusive relationship. I did a lot of divorce law and that was what I saw. This story just sounds too strange to me.
Mike
I don't think he likes it at all. I'm sure he tells his co-workers about it because it makes him angry. Unfortunately though.. he needs to learn how to put his foot down and say "enough is enough ! "
If I were the this guy's co-worker, I would never bad mouth his wife or say anything. But when he comments about how his wife is giving him an allowance, I might ask him if he's okay with that.
It would be interesting to see her and see if she is "high maintenance” and requires a lot of money for her goodies.
It makes you wonder if there was a financial oops in the past and she is punishing and overcompensating for it now. Or, is she very controlling and is spending what she wants and doesn't want him to know the situation. He really needs to sit down with her and make the financial budgeting and bill paying a joint situation. That man is going to blow one day if he continues to be treated like a child.
I guess he must like it or he wouldn't put up with it. Some guys need to be controlled. I cannot imagine a relationship like that but may I'm the abnormal one.
Mike
Mike
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