Husband has almost no sex drive

[feelingrejected]

My husband and myself have been married for almost 17 years and together for 18 years. He has never had a very high sex drive. He is 51 and I am 47. And lately he has no sex drive at all. He has had his testosterone checked and the doctor said it is fine. He even gave him viagra and it didn't help much.  He's a kind man but it has gotten to the point that I feel like life is passing me by and I don't know if he is just turned off by me or what the problem is . I can't really talk to him about it because he becomes angry and defensive.  I'm feeling all sad all the time. I try and put on a happy face and not let it get to me. But I miss sex and passion and intamacy. If it isn't physical, then it must be mental and he will not go to a counselor, I tried to get him to go before, he'll agree then back out everytime.

[rankett]

Oops, I forgot to say that my question has nothing to do with your problem. It is just something personal on which I would like to hear what a woman has to say. Sorry for any misunderstanding.

[rankett]

Well, I feel really sorry for your situation and I will tell what I think. I hope you could answer me a question as a woman at the end.

The testosterone test shows that there is no directly related underlying pathology. This however does not completely rules out biochemical factors. Sex drive may also depend on a healthy life (mostly good diet, exercise, weight control and exclusion of alcohool consumption and smoking) and probably on other medical conditions that indirectly can affect it. Diabetes is what is coming to the mind right now.

Another factor that I would consider (and unfortunately there is nothing you could do) is circumcision. If your husband is circumcized long ago, by the age he has now the glans sensitivity alteration effect should already be evident. But this is not a rule.

If nothing of the above holds, then the problem may be of psychological origin. Probably loss of interest for you in particular. Or more generally for sex. Does he show some glimpse of interest for other women? Does he masturbate?

Now my question. As a woman, what would you say if someone of your gender was affected by the same condition? Do you believe that a woman of your age or even much younger can completely lose her interest for sex? We talk about situations with no known pathologies. Everything normal, but no willing to get anymore intimate and have sex. Do you believe that making children can have such an effect, lasting for years or probably... forever?

I hope my reply gives you some food for thought. And thanks for taking some time to answer to my question.

[apuppywonthelp]

I would love to talk to you about a similar experience I am having about my current relationship. I thought to myself I must not turn him on anymore or must be expecting too much, maybe it is stress..sheesh well who doesnt have some stress in their life? Anyway, I keep saying to myself what is wrong here? and this is not normal..I know he isnt gay, and he is a nice man, a good provider and my best friend..but has no interest in sex or caressing..if we kiss or hold hands I have to initiate it then it is only a peck or brief encounter of exchanged affection..most of the time all the touching is met with a cold or uninterested even bored response.
When I try to talk about my feelings he is quiet...before finding your blog tonight I thought I was the only one who felt this way...a friend told me to look up the word ASEXUAL...the description was dead on !
I feel your pain