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Penile problem
Hi all, I suffered sexual abuse from my ex a few years ago. My penis now has a bunch of cracks and looks horrible. Sometimes it's even painful to do anything sexually. Feels like the sky is falling for me. The girl I'm in love with is coming this summer. If I can't find anything to fix my appearance and my pain, I fear I will end it all
Hi Torn, Im not suffering with the same issue as you....Im suffering from Peyronie's Disease and I just wanted to share with you that I can understand how you are feeling. I have just submitted a post that I hope others will read and comment on also, but I feel like lesser of a man and unattractive due to the shape of my penis, which is what I think you are feeling too?
That said, suicide or thoughts of it are not the way forward as there is so much beauty in the world and so much to experience!! Please please, speak to someone, someone who cares for you and will listen, offer an ear to bend or shoulder to cry on because thats what I feel I need at the minute and Im not as lucky to have the love of your live coming over to see you.
Would love to talk given the opportunity and share feelings, no matter how soppy or feminine it sounds....we need it!!
L. from Leicester
That said, suicide or thoughts of it are not the way forward as there is so much beauty in the world and so much to experience!! Please please, speak to someone, someone who cares for you and will listen, offer an ear to bend or shoulder to cry on because thats what I feel I need at the minute and Im not as lucky to have the love of your live coming over to see you.
Would love to talk given the opportunity and share feelings, no matter how soppy or feminine it sounds....we need it!!
L. from Leicester
1 Comments
Bullet, I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis and your struggles. If you need someone to talk to, I'm absolutely here! You are correct that I feel like less of a man. We shouldn't feel that way though. Our issues shouldn't define who we are!
Has a doctor or dermatologist seen it? Have you seen a counselor or therapist to overcome the trauma of the abuse? Both things seem important.
Please understand that a bunch of cracks in a penis is not a relationship-ender if the woman loves you. Women are not enamored of men's penises and I have never met a woman who loves a man because she thinks the man's penis is beautiful. Women love men because they think their heart is beautiful, and because the man is funny, caring, kind, interested in their doings, and supportive. If you can muster those things, you will not lose her over your skin damage on your penis. (Unless, of course, *you* cannot get over the skin damage on your penis enough to trust the love in the relationship.) Because of that it seems like seeing both a dermatologist and a therapist as soon as you can, will make all the difference.
Your goal is to get yourself back to being the person you were before the abuse. If you end it all because of the scars of the abuse, it's like you will complete what the abuser tried to do to you. I would never give an abuser that power. The best "eff you" to an abuser is to go on and live a happy life, not letting the abuse get the best of you. A therapist is the best person to talk to about that.
Please understand that a bunch of cracks in a penis is not a relationship-ender if the woman loves you. Women are not enamored of men's penises and I have never met a woman who loves a man because she thinks the man's penis is beautiful. Women love men because they think their heart is beautiful, and because the man is funny, caring, kind, interested in their doings, and supportive. If you can muster those things, you will not lose her over your skin damage on your penis. (Unless, of course, *you* cannot get over the skin damage on your penis enough to trust the love in the relationship.) Because of that it seems like seeing both a dermatologist and a therapist as soon as you can, will make all the difference.
Your goal is to get yourself back to being the person you were before the abuse. If you end it all because of the scars of the abuse, it's like you will complete what the abuser tried to do to you. I would never give an abuser that power. The best "eff you" to an abuser is to go on and live a happy life, not letting the abuse get the best of you. A therapist is the best person to talk to about that.
7 Comments
I've seen a therapist and a urologist. The urologist doesn't see anything, but I know what's there. If I do anything sexually it looks worse and worse. I really appreciate your comment, but in this day and age people have lost what is important. So I'm on this routine and I'm hoping to see some improvements. Not holding my breath though, as I have exactly zero luck. My abuser has won at this point. It sucks, but it's true. No improvements=me giving up on life because I'm not going through this life alone.
Sounds like you need a better therapist.
If the urologist doesn't see anything, take a photo of what it looks like when you are 'doing something sexually.'
If suicidal is the way you choose to feel, nobody like me can talk you out of it with logic. But acting like you've already given up when you have a love interest in your life seems a bit premature. At least you could try a new shrink before just quitting. Are you on any medications? They can help a lot to get out when you are in a deep trough. I took Zoloft for a while due to panic attacks. I didn't need to take it forever. It helped with my serotonin uptake, which wasn't working. You are probably in such a down spot now that you can't see it and would shrug off meds with thoughts like "If I need a pill to feel better than I wouldn't be me," and similar. But they are for mending a broken physical thing (like serotonin uptake), not for putting a fake fix onto you. So, consider it.
If the urologist doesn't see anything, take a photo of what it looks like when you are 'doing something sexually.'
If suicidal is the way you choose to feel, nobody like me can talk you out of it with logic. But acting like you've already given up when you have a love interest in your life seems a bit premature. At least you could try a new shrink before just quitting. Are you on any medications? They can help a lot to get out when you are in a deep trough. I took Zoloft for a while due to panic attacks. I didn't need to take it forever. It helped with my serotonin uptake, which wasn't working. You are probably in such a down spot now that you can't see it and would shrug off meds with thoughts like "If I need a pill to feel better than I wouldn't be me," and similar. But they are for mending a broken physical thing (like serotonin uptake), not for putting a fake fix onto you. So, consider it.
I'm sorry, I know I've been illogical and irrational. Thank you for taking time to try and give me sound advice. I'll see what I can get done. Just feel so stuck right now. Maybe my days will eventually get brighter
Is it possible that what you are seeing is magnified in your mind because of the abuse, and because it's your body?
Have you ever had a pimple that you think everyone can see all the way down the street? Have you ever noticed anyone else's pimples that way? No.
You aren't illogical and irrational - you've been through trauma. This is maybe a trauma response.
Are the things you're seeing only visible when you're erect and the urologist didn't see you erect? I like Annie's suggestion of taking a picture so you can point it out to the doctor. She's also correct that women don't care as much about the appearance of a penis as men do.
Are the cracks just really dry skin? https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/dry-skin-on-penis
I hope you try and get a better therapist, and work with the urologist. Give yourself a chance.
Have you ever had a pimple that you think everyone can see all the way down the street? Have you ever noticed anyone else's pimples that way? No.
You aren't illogical and irrational - you've been through trauma. This is maybe a trauma response.
Are the things you're seeing only visible when you're erect and the urologist didn't see you erect? I like Annie's suggestion of taking a picture so you can point it out to the doctor. She's also correct that women don't care as much about the appearance of a penis as men do.
Are the cracks just really dry skin? https://www.healthline.com/health/mens-health/dry-skin-on-penis
I hope you try and get a better therapist, and work with the urologist. Give yourself a chance.
I wish it was just dry skin, but it's not. I can't even begin to explain the damage on the skin honestly. Also, someone reported me to MedHelp and I'm laughing about that. Doing what I need to do. Seeing my urologist and therapist, so I don't need them breathing down my neck telling me to go to the ER or call the suicide hotline. Anyways, thanks for your response and I'm going to take a pic for my urologist.
Hi, just reading this. Wasn’t going to comment because you seem in good hands but I don’t think I’d have slept without offering my help.
I think if someone has “reported” you it’s for your safety.
It’s awful to feel suicidal, so desperate, so alone.
There is help out there. Sounds like you are fighting and trying keep it up it’s hard work. You will make it.
I can’t comment on the trauma you must be going through. It sounds horrific I can’t even begin to imagine.
I don’t know if it will help, but this woman you love have you told her about your abuse and how you feel about that. Maybe even talking about your penis. You will probably find (if you haven’t already) she will understand and be a massive support to you.
Sorry I know I can’t help above what’s already been posted. Because it’s all good stuff. But I’m another person to talk to. If you need it.
I think if someone has “reported” you it’s for your safety.
It’s awful to feel suicidal, so desperate, so alone.
There is help out there. Sounds like you are fighting and trying keep it up it’s hard work. You will make it.
I can’t comment on the trauma you must be going through. It sounds horrific I can’t even begin to imagine.
I don’t know if it will help, but this woman you love have you told her about your abuse and how you feel about that. Maybe even talking about your penis. You will probably find (if you haven’t already) she will understand and be a massive support to you.
Sorry I know I can’t help above what’s already been posted. Because it’s all good stuff. But I’m another person to talk to. If you need it.
Thanks for the comment! I've talked to the woman that I'm in love with and she's been wonderful. Can't say enough great things about her and how she's handling this situation. I feel like I'm a burden to her and I hate that. She loves me though and it really shows. The main thing is for me to keep working on me. I was never this way until I suffered the abuse. I've always been super happy and would love to return to form. Greatly appreciative of all the support!
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