How to handle a boyfriend with paranoid schizophrenia

[crazychick1120]

My boyfriend just told me that he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.I knrw that he had something but i couldn't figure it out. I don't know much about the condition but i have researched and found that anger is a part of it. Now I've been with him over a year and he has always been jealous. I would like to know how likely is it that he'll become abusive? He also doesn't take his meds because he doesn't like how they make him feel, can he lead a functioning life without them? He also wants to know what are the chances that his daughter and our future kids will have it? Should I be concerned, and is there anyway to "handle" (for lack of a better word) him when he gets in his angry moods. And how should i respond when he talks about his delusions. He tells me so i can understand and I feel really bad because all I do is sit there quietly because I don't know what to say and I truthfully don't understand because I don't experience them. I love him and want to stand by his side. So what are any tips you can give me on being with someone with this conditions. Are there things i should avoid talking about? I just wanna be supportive for him.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Um it depends on the person really, not everyone with it will be abusive or violent, especially when on treatment but it's hard telling.  If he starts being abusive you need to nip it in the bud immediately before it gets out of hand.  I don't know if he can lead a functioning life or not, John Forbes Nash Jr. stopped taking all meds and has been diagnosed with the same disease and he is doing just fine today while someone like me after having to go through cold turkey withdrawal and my body readjusted to a non-medicated state, I relapsed but I'm so violent while not medicated I fall asleep while walking.  Sarcasm aside in that last sentence, I'm not violent at all.  I think the chances of a person developing it with one parent are either 5 or 10%, I can't remember and can't find the page on www.schizophrenia.com but even people with no genetic history of it still have a 1% chance of developing it since 1 out of every 100 people have it.  He can try taking his anger out in non-harmful ways like screaming into a pillow or punching it or if his meds make him not as angry he should consider taking them, he can always try switching to another antipsychotic if he doesn't like the one he's on, there are quite a few options in that category.  It's best not to argue with a person's delusions, it usually gets you nowhere.  It would depend on the content of the delusion as to what you should say if you just want to talk with him through them.  Best to avoid talking about things which are triggers for him if possible.

[ILADVOCATE]

I would say as a person who has made a basic recovery from schizoaffective disorder (read through my posts) to think of him in most ways like anyone else but as a person with a psychiatric disability. What is important is to understand normal emotional difficulties in a relationship such as jealousy and irrational feelings he has that may vary and should be mitagated by treatment such as paranoia. As well you should discuss with him any emotional trigger points he has so you can work around them and set up accomodations. You should understand when treatment works his perception of the world may be very much the same as yours but when it doesn't his reality testing may begin to drop. I could make some general suggestions but it all depends on how functional he is and how he responds to treatment but specific symptoms aside you should think of him as to who he is a person first, symptoms aside as I always found that I encountered this problem before I responded to treatment and could not express myself as well.

[bluetray1]

When someone wants to discuss what they're experiencing it's a sign that they need to get it out and I would try as hard as I can to really put yourself in his shoes.
He apparently wants you to try and understand what he's feeling and experiencing.
Some don't want to discuss what's going on especially with doctors or therapists, but when they want to; really try to be supportive and understanding because this is very important to him; he wants you to somehow know and you can continue to be supportive and empathize.
I will say that as far as meds go to discuss this with him in time because many do function after learning coping strategies which can be done and has been done by many.
Violence is not acceptable though so do keep a close eye on this and I hope you are sure about a very involved relationship with him because this isn't something that get's solved over night; it's on going.
Listen to him, believe him, understand and support him.
Again, most don't want to discuss because it seems to make people feel worse, but i think it's a good sign that he wants to discuss it with you; he can also perhaps in the future discuss all with a therapist or caring professional...
Meds can make one feel very strange and weird to say the least, but they can't be ruled out either; there are so many types of meds to treat the symptoms he's expereincing and keep this in mind also.
Good Luck To You Both and Best Wishes....

[drifter0213]

that's good that you want to support him......shows you love him

[crazychick1120]

Thank you all for your great advice. I do love him very much and we've been at it for over a year but he just recently, this week, told me about this. I'm excited to say that he's so open with me about it now. Don't get me wrong its not always the topic of discussion but he tells me how he's feeling now and I think him opening up to me has brought us closer then close. Today he did have a bad moment that I kinda drew a blank with. Apparently some people made him mad and it happened really quickly. (He told me over the phone.) All i could tell him was to try not to let other steal his joy and upset him so easily. He said that he didn't know how to control it. So I suggested that he get an iPod so he can go into another world of music and ignore the outside world. He wasn't sure if e could do it. This is a method that I personally use to calm me. Do you guys think that was a good suggestion? does anyone know anyways that he can calm himself down?
P.S he wasn't angry long after being on the phone a while and i made him laugh. so I'm happy that I can help him get thru it.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Was a good suggestion with the music thing.  I find I have to actually listen to like sad music if I feel sad to get it all out so to speak rather than listening to like happy music, that just gets on my nerves is all it accomplishes but everyone is different and this might not be true for him.  I have problems with anger and if I have something I'm particularly angry about I write a rant on my website or in a journal entry on here, sometimes a post if I get to rambling, so I don't take it out on anyone in full force specifically and it's still there so people can "listen" and can be entertaining to them anyway with how I make it all sound fanciful or break my own writing at least on my webpage.  Like the other people said, you wanting to keep supporting him even with how difficult this can be shows how much you love him and is good, he is lucky to have you.

[crazychick1120]

Do you think I should get him a journal to write his emotions in? I'm thinking about getting him one and telling him to write how he feels when it feels like to much and maybe burn the paper as a way to release it. ??? I would try to suggest a blog but he doesn't have a computer at home so that wouldn't really do anything. I think I'm just going to get him one and hopefully he'll at least try it. I think he will though. And thank you so much. I'm lucky to have him too truthfully!!

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Would be a good idea I suppose, I use the journal on here to record my mental illness symptoms so I can know when periods were better or worse for me and also so people can see if they read the entries what mental illness can do to a person just so they can learn or whatever, otherwise I would keep them all private.  This one person on here said their therapist or whatever recommended they write a letter to their mental illness and it's supposed to help out.  I haven't tried it yet but plan to.

[paranoid_cataclysm]

And yeah I can understand you are lucky to have him too.  Most people with mental illness are good natured people who just are having problems.

[crazychick1120]

ok so my boyfriend has been experiencing some BAD episodes. I think because he's stressed. He's been talking about committing suicide alot. And all i really know to tell him is i don't think its a good idea, and that i love him and wouldn't know what to do if that ever happened. I also told him that I'd be angry with him for leaving me and that i wouldn't go to his funeral because it was his choice to leave me here (i only said that because he asked if i would go.) And i feel like he's starting to get suspicious of me because he thinks I'm TOO PERFECT. (In HIS eyes, thats what he sees) Some bad thing happened to him and I still don't know what they are because that he won't talk about. But he called me at 3 in the morning and said certain things that stuck out to me, like "I think you working with them", then attempted to ask me where i was which obviously i didn't say because he didn't sound right. He was really scaring me. Something in his voice told me that something wasn't right. Then he started rambling on and on but talking low so i couldn't understand him. Then he hung up on me. Couple hours later he called me back, still sounding odd, all i could say to him is that he was scaring me, he responded "naw I'm good." In that same weird voice. So I told him I loved him, and he chuckled like he didn't believe me, and said "you, say that to me?" (We have been going thru alot so I haven't been as affectionate with him lately) Like it was so hard to believe. but of coarse i told him yes, and tried to reassure him. Then he said something, but i don't remember what and hung up again. THEN he called me again! and we talked, and talked until he sounded like my baby again and he started telling me how much he loves me and I could tell that he had calmed down alot during the phone call. I can say i do know how to calm him. But its sooo hard man to hear him talk about killing hisself and then telling me how he would do it, and that he just doesn't want it to hurt and all that. i cried and cried because I hate it. soooo much. But what should I do when he starts with this? How can I take away as many of the doubts that he has in his mind about me?
Sometimes I just don't know what to say and that hurts me too soo bad because i wanna help him through this but i don't know. I just told him to pray and try to relax. But sometimes I just don't know. Any suggestions?

[paranoid_cataclysm]

Stress can worsen symptoms and even make a person relapse.  I relapsed fully the 23rd of December because of an anxiety attack for example.  If he is talking about suicide and thinking about it he needs to talk to his doctor about it.  It sounds like he needs to talk to his psychiatrist about this behavior in general that he is experiencing.  He needs to be encouraged somehow to try to speak to his doctor about this but you have to be careful because telling someone to their face that they are psychotic doesn't go well if they aren't entirely open to people's judgments like this and even me being open to that, I still sometimes don't believe people, but only occasionally.

[crazychick1120]

I AM SOOO HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THAT MY BOYFRIEND HAS NOW TAKING HIS MEDICATION AND IS SHOWING VERY NOTICEABLE IMPROVEMENT WITH HIS EPISODES! HE'S BEING MORE LIKE THE PERSON I FELL IN LOVE WITH! I REALLY ENJOYING THIS, I REALLY HOPE IT LAST!!

[paranoid_cataclysm]

That's good to hear, us with a diagnosis of schizophrenia can in fact lead a normal life under normal circumstances because the disease usually is highly treatable thankfully.  Some symptoms might still be present however regardless of how well he has reacted to treatment.

[VOD]

Oh God, it is comforting to see that other people are going through the same or similar thing to me. My wonderful boyfriend suffers from paranoia. He is convinced that I am being unfaithful to him (I am not, never have and never would) and in the past has talked about people following him etc. I have always been able to reassure him and help in the past but this time he says that I can't help because in his eyes I am the problem. I have tried just being there for him and comforting and supporting him but now I have got quite upfront about it and am telling him that he knows deep down that I am not the problem and that the real problem is his paranoia and that he needs to get professional help. He actually agrees with me most of the time but hasn't actually gone to see anyone. I would make an appointment but I don't know if he would go...I guess I will try that. It is so upsetting and frustrating for me as all I want to do is to love, support and comfort him as he is clearly suffering but he is insisting that he needs time and space from me the moment to sort himself out. I love him so very much. It is killing me that he won't let me help and actually sees me as the problem. Me leaving him is out of the question, I would never do that but I am terrified that he will leave me over something I have never done! I think that I should see somone to help me through this and hopefully help me to help him but I would appreciate any tips or advice.

Many thanks
VOD

[vuvubear]

this happens to me - the love of my life is a schitzo always acusing me of cheating says hurtful mean things, has done crazy things - breaking things punching things shoving me uhg its a ******* hard to deal with hes such an amazing man i wish he would take his meds.

[bragga]

please help... my boyfriend has shizophrenia we have been dating about 7 mnths.. ive handled most of his paranoid episodes.. but without reason or warning he has stopped our calls and wont reply to texts messages.he just said he needed time out .i no he loves me and i love him but hes shut me out and i dnt no what to do.is this an episode that he will come out off in time .im new to all this and feel rejected.

[TheGingerPatriot]

I am with this wonderful guy who has gone through alot in the past and I knew he has had problems sleeping in the passed, but last night i was up alot later than normal and he said thatsomeone was in his room, and jokingly i said well youre in your room and your someone, but he was like its not funny and I asked if there seriously was someone in his room and he said yes. if he turned around, he would be killed. he heard the guy laugh. I suggested he turn on a light or something and he told me that that wasnt what this guy wanted. he wanted him to hurt.
then he stops texting back So I am freaking out and this morning he apologizes and tells me what happened and I asked what do I need to do in the future if this happens again and he said to do like I did because his dad tried to tell him nothing was happening and my boyfriend tried to hurt him...he also said this happens 4 to 5 nights a week.
I love him with all of my heart and I would do anything to help him, please give me any advice, information, anything!

[TheGingerPatriot]

I am with this wonderful guy who has gone through alot in the past and I knew he has had problems sleeping in the passed, but last night i was up alot later than normal and he said thatsomeone was in his room, and jokingly i said well youre in your room and your someone, but he was like its not funny and I asked if there seriously was someone in his room and he said yes. if he turned around, he would be killed. he heard the guy laugh. I suggested he turn on a light or something and he told me that that wasnt what this guy wanted. he wanted him to hurt.
then he stops texting back So I am freaking out and this morning he apologizes and tells me what happened and I asked what do I need to do in the future if this happens again and he said to do like I did because his dad tried to tell him nothing was happening and my boyfriend tried to hurt him...he also said this happens 4 to 5 nights a week.
I love him with all of my heart and I would do anything to help him, please give me any advice, information, anything!

[drifter0213]

what is wrong with your boyfriend is probably psychosis does he see a doctor?

[BabyMama2337]

I have been with my fiance for almost a year and i am 5 months pregnant with his child. He is paranoid schizophrenia bi polar and sometimes it gets a lil hard to deal with but i love him with all my heart and just try to see it through. The hardest part of our relationship is there is no 50 50 in it everything always has to go his way or we are yelling at each other all day long. I am always having to think about everything i do and whether it will make him mad or not because i am sooo tired of arguing. The worst part though is sometimes we argue over something soo stupid and i seriously believe that in his mind he told me something but never said it out loud and then he is yelling and getting mad at me because i didn't do what he wanted me to and i tell him he never told me to or asked me to do whatever is he wanted me to do and he will call me a liar and i know im not going crazy my memory is not that bad so i seriously believe his mind is playing tricks and causing us to argue. he refuses to take meds or anything he says he has too much pride for that. i truely love this man with all my heart but sometimes it is just too much to deal with and i just want to snap on him and i know i shouldn't. i try to point these things out to him but he just ignores it and counteracts with stuff to blame on me. every time i try to talk to him or point out things it always turns around onto me and turns into being my fault when i know i haven't even done anything wrong. Does anyone else have this problem with there boyfriend or fiance or husband or is it just me...?

[Dontbmadbaby]

Mine too... Kinda makes u question yourself sometimes cuz the repititous insanity

[PurestForm]

Hey everyone. I was in a relationship with a man who too suffers from this mental ilness. I fell in love with him very quickly, (he swept me off my feet) did all of the things that a "regular normal guy" doesnt usually do. weekly flowers, spontanious dates and cassanova type of stuff. There was a traumatizing even that happened to him a few months after we started dating. This may have been the trigger to what I recently found out and  believe is a relapse. I was unaware of his mental ilness when we first met, and had I know I most definitely would not have gotten involved with him. It may seem harsh and cold but, growing up in a household with a parent who suffers from bipolar disorder I am nowhere near emotionally, physically, and mentally prepared to deal with someone who has another form of mental ilness. I have nothing against the supporters or the people who are actually mentally ill but for the young ladies who are saying "i will never leave him" or "I want to be there for him" I want to suggest that u mean that with all of your heart and not because u feel the need to be in a relationship.. U need to prepare yourselves to unconditionally love them like u bore them yourself. This is a disease that not only affects the person carrying the disease but it also affects the people involved in the persons daily life. If u are worrying about someone more than u are worrying about your own mental being how will u properly be able to help or be there for someone else? I love that the ladies here are strong enough or at least think they are strong enough to cope with such a situation and i sincerely commend the people who are serious about helping and staying with their spouse no matter what their mental ilness is. The number one form of help is making sure that your loved one is on his/her medication daily and getting the right counseling and support team needed. If you accept your loved one telling u that they are not going to take their meds then u are hurting their disability and putting not only them at risk of hurting themselves but, they can potentially hurt you. so to the people who say "I dont know what to do, he wont take his meds." get the hell away from him is what u do, and only when the person cares enough about themself to seek treatment should u continue to support them and engage in "being there for them" See even a doctor needs to have a doctor so do not try to play the "doctor" in this case because u can severely damage someone in making them think its ok to not take the right treatment. see I was stabbed, my car was taken and things that could have been avoided happened because of nonmedication. Be careful, I know my opinoin is not needed which is why I am not giving it and besides I love all people, no matter what their classification but if u dont not see a long term future and do not sincerely and unconditionally mean that u want to be there then do u and the other person a favor and let them go. Any thing from a death in the family, bad news from a loved one or a simple break up can really affect the relapse and you should definitely think long term I.m not a professional which is why it is my prefrence to avoid being in a monogamous relationship with anyone that suffers from the disease but, I do empathize with them and the people who are supporting (truely supporting). best luck to everyone and their loved ones.

[Olive37]

Yes I totally agree with purest form. I was in a relationship for 4 years and did not understand why my boyfriend behaved so oddly. Reading this,I would say he has this illness. He had a bad relapse recently, convinced over a crazy conspiracy theory that couldn't possibly have been true. That's when I realised something was wrong with his mental health. He became angry with me as I didn't just agree with him: I now know I should have! However much I love him he has caused me terrible stress. So I've let it go, which was very sad, but I  feel so much more peaceful. I have however,convinced him to go to the docs which I think is the best thing I can do as he's not accepting he has a mental illness.
What I would say to folk who love their partners dearly(as I did) but are having a terrible time, is to walk away. Initially you will be devastated but after that comes relief and peace, and the ability to start a new and better life for yourself.

[helpneeded1979]

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for 15yrs.  Things are getting progressively worse.  in the beginning he was normal.  over the past few years hes becoming delusional.  I asked a psychiatrist and he said it sounds like he suffers from paranoid delusional disorder.  My boyfriend thinks people are following him, that there are hidden cameras in our apartment.  That I'm poisoning him and cheating him.  If I move my foot the wrong way and he hears a noise in the apartment he thinks I'm sleeping with our neighbor.  If I sniffle during a song he thinks I'm hinting that I'm cheating.  He feels he's normal so he wont get help.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I love him very much and don't want to leave him.  He needs help

[CharityGT]

Going through the same exact thing...he thinks I'm sleeping with his mom his sister and his dad....whenever I speak go someone he thinks I'm speaking I'm code...he always thinks people are following him or he's being watched . He feels like the whole world is laughing at him or he feels like everything he sees some how applies to him

[Eva123456]

To helpneeded1979, i too am in the exact same boat as you, i feel your situation is a mirror image of mine almost. My partner and i have been together for 11yrs and i am now 29yrs old. It all started off Mildly, he would accuse me of cheating and if i didnt do things for him to prove my loyalty he would still think im cheating so i do what he asks of me and then 1 day later were back to square one. Then gradually it got worse, he would be depressed and not leave the house for yrs. Then we got our own place and things were good in the beginning but over time he began to use methamphetamines and he thats when it was all about to start. He was paranoid thinking ppl are after him over one little incident and to this day 5yrs later he still believes ppl r after him and it just gets worse. He blames where we lived, so we moved and he blames where we live again. Then he blames me for not buying protection. Then he has had many psychotic and drug induced episodes and still denies that no one is after him. All it took was one stupid incident 5yrs ago to set the bar and now theres no convinvcing him otherwise, he is so set in his ways that ppl r after him to kill him and its sad cause its all in his head. This yr makes 12yrs and im beginning to realise i cannot tolerate the abuse anymore, on top of it i suppport his habit and if i dont he abuses me at work. I know what i have to do but my hearts too big to let him go, if i let him go he will be homeless, im all he has. So i share my story with u to let u know ur not alone and the only way out is to get out of the toxic relationships were in and its up to us to make the move. I know we will grieve and mourn the loss of our true first loves but i hope one day we grow the courage and strength to do whats best for us and look back and say what an experience that made us the strongest ppl we are today.

[dpipkin1968]

omg. it is not just you.  i promise.  i have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years.  i knew that he had this disease, but i am the type who wants to fix everyone. and in the beginning of our relationship, i felt like it wasnt his fault for being this way, and i felt guilty about leaving him, partially cause he made me feel this way.  to make a verrrry long story short, he began being abusive, almost right away.  i have never been around abuse of any kind and thought it was just isolated events.  it wasn't.  he was screaming, ranting, cussing me, choking me, hitting me, slapping me, beat me with belt, or shoes or anything handy.  He threatened to kill me many times and i was just terrified of him, but loved him and each time i left, he would convince me that he was sorry and he was going to get help.  i just kept going back over and over, and at some point, my family tired of me returning back home, then back to him and them getting their lives uprooted and made chaotic by him coming looking for me.  it was difficult to actually hide from him if i would have even tried. I just trying to do any and everything to make sure i didnt set him off.  i kept a perfect house, just did everything to not "make him mad."  I really honestly believed i had more control over setting him off than what i actually did.  just about every type of abuse is what ive experienced.  My guy is now serving prison time for the last incident of horror i had with him.  it came out of nowhere.  no way to anticipate what would happen.  i simply woke him up before he was ready to be woken. he started yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs that he was tired of telling me the same thing over and over and me not listening.  So i walked into the other room to get out of his "line of fire" and he was on me very quickly, slamming my head into a wall, screaming i was gonnna learn to listen and he was going to teach me tonight.  i then endured a 4 hour ordeal of being beat, choked, alot of horrible torture, and tortured additionally by him telling me that i would not be leaving alive and that if he was going to prison, he may as well kill me, cause he is going anyways.  i eventually felt there was zero hope for me and began to pray quietly and just pray that he would not torture me and it could just end already.  i just couldnt stand the fear of knowing i was going to die.  dying would be better.  eventually after 4 hours or so, he fell asleep as he often would do after raging and abusing me.  i tried to convince him that i would not leave or go to the police and against his better judgement, he passed out, and even went to work the next morning, i immediately had my sister come rescue me, yet again, and went immediately to the police station where i filed charges and pics were taken of the countless bruises and results of many hours of torture and then the not knowing if or when i would die.  the pictures did nothing to capture the intense fear i had endured and the feelings i was feeling.  I have just recently broke up with this man, while he is in prison.  i know deep in my heart, that i will end up dead if i dont walk away.  so currently thats where i am at.  part of me feels sorry for him, but scared of him but loving him.  its very hard to deal with so many emotions.  i wonder if him being incarcerated during the break up will give him time to not want to look for me when hes released or will give him more time to think about it.  IDK.  i just dont know what to think because he had shown nothing but completely irratic behavior since we have been together.he is not on medication for this and believes that he  can fight this without meds.  He even acts proud of not having to take meds.  like he is stronger than this disease but i know he is not.  i feel that with what hes done to me physically, if he can't control it and it just happened, then why would he be able to control it in the future and if he could control it and just chose not to excercize an ounce of self control, then he meant it and what would keep him from an attack in the future.  i see no other way but to walk away.  i love him, but i am attempting to love myself enough to choose my life over his feelings.  i know this was a rather lllloooonnnng response to your post and i didn't even scrape the surface on the actual abuse and torture i endured at his hands.  not to mention the humilation i felt.  i am sorry for being long winded but i am trying to deal with this and its very hard.  idk if this helped you or not.  i know there are different scenarios with ppl with this disease.  i happened to end up with the man that was an extreme version.  very unpredictable and extremely violent and dangerous.  i understand that this is a disease that with treatment can be controlled and these ppl can lead a productive, full happy life.  i just haven't had this experience unfortunately.  i have just lived in fear, and teeter tottered back n forth with the fear and my guilt. hope this shed some light on how things may turn out.  i hope not. every situation is different. and one thing i do know for sure is love is not the cure.  and nothing you do will change it.  its not you its the schizophrenia.  i felt i had some control over it.  i did not.  but the positive thing is i am alive so i didn't end up one of the smaller statistics of what can happen with a violent schizophrenic.  good luck.

[Blackbeauty3640]

Wow these comments are so helpful because my heart hurt and I don't no why he doing this to us he is pure evil no heart or emotion

[dpipkin1968]

also btw, i failed to respond to what you posted.  you spoke of being accused of cheating and other things.  its seeming to me, that there are some very obvious similarities with ppl involved with a paranoid schizophrenic.  the being constantly accused of cheating and lying.  i am an honest person, and havent cheated on him or even thought about it one time.  and if i were a cheater, i would not choose this man to cheat on that is for sure.  with a man like this it seems there is never a right answer, as you are never right or honest in their mind.  my guy would and did turn every word i said against me and somehow made me out to be some type of person that i am not.  to me it was just not logical to think the thoughts he would think about.  there was zero logic in them.  but thats the thing, its not logical, its delusional. i would never question most of the delusional thoughts he would speak of.  just listen.  but then it got to where he would accuse me of sleeping with the nxt door neighbor man and even say he heard my voice outside and saw my car which he did not.  thats pretty scarey to me, and i guess to him as well, not to mention the neighbor guy.  my boyfriend later the following day, got himself all workd up with his theory about my cheating with the guy and went over and theatened to kill the neighbor.  he did not kill him or even touch him only because the cops were called and got there really fast. My bf could take anything i said, any text he saw on my phone and somehow connect them to a delusional theory he had come to make everything fit the particular scenario.  i started finding i had no privacy, and he would get my phone and search my contacts and any and everything on the phone just loooking for anything to prove that im a liar and a cheater and that he was right all along,.  believe me, no matter what your not doing or doing, they can make it seem to fit what they are thinking.  and eventually i would lie about small things, after i saw how he would react to things so irratically.  so i thought it just wasnt worth the fight.  and as fighting goes, there was never a fight with me and him.  it was one sided attacks from him, which is not what he tells others.  I could forgive him but i just cannot forgive and be with him when he really isn't taking responsibility for his horrible actions.  he has explained it like it was just at fight that got out of hand with the two of us and thats just not the truth.  Living with this type of man is verrrry hard because while hes so abusive, i have somehow made a million excuses for his behaviors due to his disease, and noone understands and just thinks i am stupid and must like to be abused.  I do not like to be abused for one second but the truth is, abuse is abuse no matter what.  the schizophrenia may cause him to be an abuser, but in the end, dead is dead.  i can continue to excuse this behavior and stay with him and probably end up dead or i can stay away.  Its a very difficult thing to deal with and noone really seems to understand what ive been through. My life has seriously been affected with this man.  i am a different person than i was before him.  i was a woman with a career and i had a good self esteem and knew i deserved good things.  but i managed to stay with him, out of love and guilt and just thought and hoped things would change. i now dealing with the aftermath.  i have ptsd, i am not normal in many ways, which i felt i was before him.  i dont have a history of abusive relationships.  i had a great upbringing and good parents.  i had a wonderful loving father, and all the relationships i had were with pretty good men.  so its not you sweetie and only god knows the right things you need to do to have as normal of life with him as you can,  but just look out for your baby and yourself no matter what.  cause ultimately thats the only things you really have control over is you. and your precious baby.  please if things seem wrong and going in a really bad direction with him, just leave and always trust your instincts and gut feelings.  i ignored mine and almost died cause i iknew after a few times of his abuse that it would not stop.  i just ignored these feelings.  just don't ignore yours.  you can love a man like this but just always love you more.  thats what im trying to learn to do after him.  

[Blackbeauty3640]

Oh my god this is everything im going threw I cry everyday he told me I have sex with my son friends because they all love me but I been living in the same house for 11 years I watched these kids grow up

[PloddingOnAgain]

Similar scenario. Started off well fell in love. Then found out he was cheating ... I was going to work at night and he was having other guys back. But started accusing me. I got sick of the accusations and said I had met someone just so that we could go back to how we were (even though I never cheated!). We got back together and it got progressively worse. We’ve been split for 4 months he’s accused me of meeting guys in hotels giving him false rotas for work so that I could meet guys. Calls me a liar, a cheat said I’ve made him miserable - called me a slag and a *****. Now says that I planned it all for him to end it so I didn’t have the dirty work. I kept in touch with him and he’s adamant I’m seeing someone even tho I’m not. Told me I’m a narcissist and have an audience who think I’m something I’m not and he’s the only one that knows me - this is all false. I too am now suffering with severe anxiety because of how he was. He took an privacy I had but kept all his own. Had a second phone that I found the SIM card for. Even up until last night when I caught him out on a lie. He tried to twist it back as tho I was in the wrong.... I just got so tired of it all and started to doubt who I was. Even contemplated suicide because he made me feel so worthless and that other people didn’t care about me.  I work with prem babies and he would text and FaceTime me in work and when I couldn’t answer hed say it was because I was in a hotel over the road. The hurt I felt is something out of this world. He never told me he had SZ It was only because we went to the doctors and they had received a letter back and I saw it on the computer.  He then told me it wasn’t confirmed that he had it. Told me I manipulated it all for my benefit. When the truth of it is he manipulated my life. My love hasn’t gone for him. I still love him so much but last night was the final straw for me. Look after yourself petal because they may seem like they care and the person deep inside them probably does. But the other person at the forefront is the one they listen to.  Good luck xx