When will the hurt stop?

[Christina425]

Hi, I am 32 years old and was 11 weeks pregnant when I went in for a normal appointment.  I had seen the heartbeat at 8 weeks and 2 days and it was strong. When my doctor went to listen to the heartbeat on Tuesday, she couldn't find it. Two ultrasounds confirmed that the baby had stopped growing at a little over 9 weeks.  I took the information well, but I am devastated. I am going in for a D and E on Friday.  This is my spring break (I am a teacher) and I start work again on Monday. I don't want to go.  I don't want to do much. I  just really wanted the baby.  It's my first pregnancy and I just can't seem to let it go.  Please help.

[mickey1291]

i understand how evry1 feel im 19 n i jus had a miscarriage n i am hurtin inside altho im young because i knew my baby wud hve bring joy to my life... but i must say god as a way of wrking things out just stay strong every1 at least thats what im trying to do.. good luck yall

[Kuliana]

Oh my dear I am so sorry for your loss.  I found out I was pregnant in march after twenty years of trying to concieve.   My husband and I had only been pregnant one other time and that was 1990.  I lost that child at 11 wks.  needless to say we were overjoyed when we recieved this news.  Even though I know at my age (45) thee was a chance to miscarry, I really thought things would be different this time.  
I miscarried two weeks ago at 6 weeks 3 days .  
I understand your grief.  Do something to memorialize the child you lost.  a special piece of jewelry or in my case a tattoo( why not?)  anyway .. give yourself time .  My heart is with yours in this pain   you are not alone.

[Maggie6247]

Hi, girls!

I just recently had my second mc, too.  I had an ectopic in July, a mc in November, and most recently, a miscarriage two weeks ago.  I was pregnant with twins this most recent time and heard the heart beats at 9 weeks.  It was so exciting!  The next thing I know, my world came crashing down!  I no longer want to go out and be around others, I definitely DON'T want to be around my glowing, pregnant friends, and I'm really feeling defeated.  I have recently seen a reproductive endocrinologist, who ran a slew of tests to try and see if there is a "bigger" reason for all of this.  My tests have come back normal, so I am left with no real answer.  I am not complaining that there is "nothing wrong with me," but thought that the test results might bring me some sort of relief and solution(s).  However, I feel as though stress may have played a big part in causing my mc's.  Perhaps that is just something that I am using as the reason to make myself feel 'better.'  Either way, I do believe, after reading so many stories on this blog, that we will conceive again and have healthy, beautiful babies.  We all NEED to remember that and support one another!  There is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm so sorry that you are feeling so hurt.  It's an AWFUL thing to have to go through, and unless someone has gone through it, they have NO idea what it feels like.  I will say a prayer that you find peace and comfort in the coming days and hope to ttc again.  

Love,

Maggie6247

[mjmom69]

I'm so sorry. The same thing happened to me and it was devastating. It takes time, sometimes a long time, to get to a place where you feel ok again. It will happen. For me it was after the due date. I was depressed for awhile and I thought I was getting better then I'd get depressed again. Now I'm finally in a place where I can say I'm better. I still have those moments but they aren't as bad as they were. You just need to let yourself grieve .  

[retta483]

I had a m/c on 4/3/11 its only been 2 days and im asking myself the same question . I keep praying to god to make me normal for my kids . I cant quit crying for nothing I feel sick  like my body thinks its still pregnant and my heart is broken . I had a m/c start to finish and a emergency dnc from too much blood loss but it took 3 hours total I was 11 weeks 4 days :(  Im saying a prayer for all who have lost a baby for them to heal emotionaly sorry for your loss maybe see if your work offers brevment pay to stay home alittle longer . I dont work but my husbands work would only covor it if it was the weoman not the man .

[dawn0203]

I know the pain also.  I have had two miscarriages (the last one was March 6th).  For the first miscarriage, I also had a missed abortion.  I went in for an appointment, and got to hear my baby's heart beat.  A couple weeks later, when I returned, there was no heartbeat.  With my first miscarriage, I was depressed for well over a year.  One day, I would feel fine, then I would go to the store and see a pregnant woman or a small infant and I would start crying, or just wake up and start crying for no reason at all.  My husband was supportive in the beginning, but as time went on he didn't understand why I lingered in the past.  We made it through my dark time, but it really emphasized to me the difference between expectant mothers and fathers.  For my husband, he mourned the loss of the baby that he was going to have.  For me it was different, from the first moment that I found out that I was pregnant, I was making choices about my body that would impact my baby.  I was nurturing and protecting my baby.  In my mind, I was a mommy.  Then suddenly, my baby is gone and I'm not a mommy.  Being childless, I had to deal with not only the loss of my baby but also the loss of motherhood.  It's hard, and I don't know any way to sugar coat it.  All I can say is that with time and alot of spent tears, somehow it does get better.  Also, I hate to admit it, but this recent miscarriage was much easier.  I'm still sad and depressed, and I'm starting to cry just writing this, but I don't feel the utter hopelessness and lack of desire for life that I felt during the first miscarriage.  I suppose it's similar to the first time a boy breaks your heart, and your whole world appears to crash around you.  Afterwards, you experience another great love, but you're jaded to the realities of life and are stronger and better able to cope.

[rccresswell]

I am soo sorry for your loss.  Having a miscarriage is a very terrible experience and I definately know the pain you are feeling.  I lost my son at 14 weeks and his due date was oct 12th.  I cried for weeks after my miscarriage and the second to last time I cried was on his due date.  I had another teary moment a few weeks ago as I approach my miscarrige date which is april 13th.  

I don't think the hurt and pain ever goes away.  I think with time you find better ways to deal with the way you are feeling.  If I think about my son I will start crying so I just have to stay strong and remember he is at peace.

I have lots of reminders my little man existed.  We named him Ethan Rata.  We were also fortunate enough to get his remains and bury him.  I have a cross stitch with his name and a teddy bear sleeping - we don't have a date on it because he was born too early.  I also wrote a diary about my feelings to help me through that experience.

I was also fortunate enough to fall pregnant after my first period.  That definately helped me through his due date and approaching his first year in heaven.  I cherish my daughter who is 2 and a half weeks old and without her I don't think I would have made it this far.

Stay strong and try and keep yourself busy.  A journal will definately help you with the mourning process. I am definately thinking of you :)

[jesca_27]

I am going through the same thing as you.  I started lightly bleeding on Sunday, then went for an emergency ultrasound Monday which showed no heartbeat.  I was told to get a series of blood tests to confirm that my HCG levels are going down but that the fact I had no cramping was a good sign.  It would have been nice to know sooner and let go of the hope that the baby would survive instead of the back and forth emotions.. Tuesday night the cramping started and then shortly after extreme bleeding and blood clots the size of oranges.  I was expecting to experience some cramping and bleeding like a heavy period but nothing like what I experienced.  It would be nice to have been prepared so it wouldn't have been so scary.  Going to the ER confirmed that my cervix had opened and I was definitely miscarrying.  The emotions I have felt through this week have been so extreme.  I couldn't go to work or really talk to anyone, and all of the words of sympathy and encouragement that "it happened for a reason" and "you'll get pregnant again" just made me angry..  The emptiness and hopelessness I've been feeling has been almost unbearable.  All of my plans for the future involved becoming a mother and planning and preparing for a baby, now everything I think about is just depressing.  It has been getting better every day I don't know how long it will take me to let it go either, but I'm just going to take as much time as I need.  Answering people's questions about why I've been off work is going to be torture.

[ashante525]

im so sorry for your loss...when u say hurt u mean the wanting for da baby? if so time will heal all wounds. i to had a m/c on the 11th of feb and a d&c done da next day...if you are concern about the d&n you will be fine every woman is different i only bleed for 5 days after da procedure. i took a week off work not b/c i had pain but i needed to be emotionally well. all i can say is if u need to cry, let it out and after dat good cry pray about it.and just say to yourself if he brings me to it he will bring me through it..i understand your pain and im very sorry. i will keep u in my prayers..xoxoxo