First BFP end in M/C

[Keyan]

I need to talk about this, I am a bit vulnerable, thank God for this new forum. Every day that goes by it's even worse, it doesn't get any easier!
We have been ttc for 3 years and in May 1st 2008 got my first BFP!! You guys can imagine our happiness!! We didn't say anything to our family b/c mothers day was around the corner, what a great Grandma mother's day present would it have been!! SOO we thought. Well 5 days later when doc called me to give me the good news (confirmation) I was already bleeding! This can not be happening! After 3 years and to end up in m/c, Nope, there has to be some kind of mistake!!! and so many other things that went thru our minds! I am still sad, I think even more, I usually don't talk about it much,  I am the type of person that is always happy and usually don't like people to see me sad, and this subject is too hard to talk about, especially w/ people that probably won't understand. But it was my baby, I was pregnant, and I don't have anything to remind me of it. The what if, keeps on in our minds, we really don't know what we did do different to get preg, or why the m/c happen. and if it will ever happen for us!  13 days ago I got my AF, the first after the m/c, we are trying really hard this time around. I keep a bracelet that reminds me of my baby, I don't know if it does any good, cause I think about "her" all the time, probably will, even without the bracelet. I say "her" cause I have a feeling it would have been a girl, don't know why. It hasn't been any easier, My SIL just gave birth to a baby girl, and I am her godmother, she is  beautiful, but when I have her in my hands, all I think is about my baby and like I said before, got to put on my "happy face", for me it would be worse if my family starts asking me about my feelings, or just say that I am sad over nothing, that is not a big deal. Hubby and I don't talk about it, we did try, but we both ended up crying and made us upset, sooo the only time I talk about this is here, in the forums, and especially today. For me everything happen so fast, and although I did cry when I started bleeding, didn't cry again until 2 weeks after that, when I cried all day! and couple of weeks ago, I have been sad, thinking alot about it, I guess as weeks go by, and I think about how far ahead in my preg I would have been, I am getting soo sad
I am sorry, if it might not make much sence what I wrote here, i have been crying all the way since I started writing.

[Latrice414]

Blowing baby dust your way, hope you get a BFP:)  TY for sharing your story as well.

[Keyan]

I am feeling much better now days...as I am 10dpo and in my head things are looking great for us this new cycle. Haven't tested yet...will wait maybe Sunday. I just wanted to thank all of you for listening and sharing your stories with me. The what ifs will be there, I guess for a very long time...but as of today I can say I feel alot better.

[Mumita]

I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks.  My first u/s appointment was at 6 1/2 weeks and when I went in they didn't see anything and I got histerical crying and sobbing and I called my husband and he was very upset too.  But my hcg levels were fine the next day so I tried not to think about it.  Then 4 days later I woke up bleeding and cramping went to the ER and they confirmed that I was having a m/c.  I kept calm, I guess that I had gotten it all out of my chest when I had my first u/s, I guess I knew there was something wrong and there was an impending doom cloud ever since the u/s.  So besides the physical pain which is the worst pain that I've ever felt ever!! I'm doing ok emotionally.  It bothers me that I have to ttc again and then go through the whole 2ww thing, the thought of the 2ww bothers and annoys me ALOT, and it bothers me to have to go through it over and oer and over until that next BFP, then to think that something could go wrong again is awful.
I'm not sad because of the baby, obviously the baby wasn't developing in the right conditions and all I would want is that everything is perfect for that little bean in there.  So it didn't work out and hopefully next BFP develops into a full grown baby and I have a good healthy pregnancy.  My body is doing what its supossed to do in order to have a healthy pregnancy, in a way its your body's way of making sure that the strongest survive.   Its just natural.

[Keyan]

I am very sorry for your loss :( We do feel devastated, but is only up to us to keep on! I know that m/c are "very normal" and woman who have had them go on having healthy pregnancy later on, but we are the one who should decide when and if to try again. I started right away. Stay positive, it will happen for us someday! Hugs!

[hope_23]

I had missed miscarriage just last week. After having my very first ultrasound on Monday and found out that my baby was 9wks/5days and no heartbeat I was so devastated. My husband and I together with our little girl were all upset. We were all hoping that by January next year we're gonna have a new member of our family. Anyway, I had D & C the day after the ultrasound and the procedure went well I was sent home 2 hrs after the procedure but the next day I got chills and fever 38.6 C. I got antibiotics from the my Doctor but it didn't take the fever away I went back to the hosp and got an antibiotic thru IV. Infection was the cause of the fever.

Having m/c is a lot of stress. We feel scared now to try to have another one.

[Keyan]

Thank you ladies! Your kind words means alot to me! (thank you for listening)

Latrice414  :( I am so sorry! . It is kind of "nice" (sorry didn't find another word) about the option of cemeteries for burial services, for me it kind of would have given me a type of closure. Since I was about 5 weeks, didn't have any procedure done, it was as a "normal" late and heavy AF. and this is something that is constant in my mind, what was I suppose to do?! Maybe the baby when down the toilet or trash can, I don't know, I know that I am not a horrible person, but this sure sounds like if I was. but I really didn't know what to do.  
We did try right the next cycle, and this is the 2nd cycle after the m/c and we are looking foward to this one. I hope WE get a BFP soon and is a super sticky baby. Thank yor for your prayers! I will keep you in mine.

Agomez333: I am so happy for your BFP, I will keep you in my prayers as well! I know I would be so scared too. SSBD to you!

[agomez333]

I felt exactly the same... I work nights at an ER so we have a ton of women come in having m/c almost every shift. After my m/c I wanted to cry with my pts as we were breaking the news to them... A few times I did and explained thatI just went through the same thing. The only thing that has helped me is time. I m/c July last year at 14 weeks and had several complications. I was not allowed to ttc until Dec. We finally got a BFP on May 27th.. There is hope again after a m/c but i can say I am scared to death... Time will heal you and you have to allow yourself time to heal... good Luck!!

[Latrice414]

I am so sorry for your lost.  I had a missed MC on thursday june 12th, i new something didnt seem right when i woke up that mourning,  So that afternoon i went to the er to get ultrasound, i started cryn as they showed it because i saw my baby for the first time and i didnt hear on see no cardiac activity on the monitor.  The doctor told me that i had a mc.  I called my ob dr friday, she had me come in on monday to do another ultrasound and yes, no heartbeat, i had a d n c on tuesday.  I was10 weeks and 3 days the day i found out i missed carried.  I have been so sad since then, I have a 12 yr old son who will be 13 in july, but this would ve been my fiance's first child.  I cant stop thinkn about the what if's and the why me, why us.  Having a mc is very emotional and physcially stressful.  I m glad also for this forum. And what you wrote did make since, you were expressing your feelings and thoughts, and im sure a lot of women who read it, understands where you are coming from.  Here in wisconsin, when your baby dies, no matter how many weeks, they give you an option of cemeteries for burial services.  I am so sad, me and my fiance will pick out a unisex name and have it ingraved on the plaque at the cemetery.  I want to try again real soon to fill this void i am feeling in my empty stomache, at the same time i am so afraid of it happening again.  Again i am so sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my prayers, thank god for this forum