Im 20, I use this site to guide me through this problem, but I keep thinking that maybe I am just gay. As a kid i was introduced to porn at a young age and always wanted to be with a girl since a kid never thought about guys or that kinda stuff, when I used porn I would use it alot, start small but eventually get to 3-4 times a week of heterosexual porn and eventually I would get bored of that and I did tranny but more gay porn. I tried it once and was repulsed but something made me do it again cuz it was "out of the box" which turned me on. I dont like the kissing part or the body of a man I just like the anal part or the picture of a ****. Everytime I finished to gay porn I would feel depressed and ashamed of myself, I just did it over and over because it felt so good. In real life, I have had numerous occassions with girls and they all went relatively well, I had a girlfriend always got hard for her and stuff but never really ejaculated with a girl because it took so long and she would give up. I would still stay hard but I could never climax this started to freak me out. She didnt like oral so all I got was a handjob and it wasnt that great so that could be part of it but we tried sex and I was so excited got rock hard but I couldnt fit it in because she was tight and when I went to try it again I was soft and it wouldnt go back up, I tried to get it up again that day but it just wouldnt happen. I started to get thoughts that were telling me that I was gay, I would freak out start crying in my sleep just get terrified. I stopped looking at gay porn for a while because I thought that was my issue so I would only look at heterosexual porn, I could still finish but not as fast and it would take me longer to get aroused. I then found this site and am proud to say I have stopped looking at porn and masturbation for 13 days, its extremely difficult. I have these days where im super horny and all I picture is gay porn or a ****, is this supposed to be happening? I still get hard from thinking about girls but occasionally in this reboot process, I usually just get a little wiggle but thats about it. I am on a hockey team and there are showers and all the guys are naked so I see alot of dicks but I really dont get turned on by them, it makes me feel good that I dont, it makes me feel like its all in my head. But the thoughts sometimes are just so over barring. And I love girls, I love to flirt with them and when im talking to them I feel so good I feel attracted and I want to marry one I want to love one, thinking about kissing a guy is gross and thinking about marrying one is a turn off. But my head tries to convince me that I will end up kissing them and marrrying them, its so hard but can anyone tell me if they eventually go away? My biggest fear is that I will go through this process and either nothing will change or I lose my attraction to girls and become gay, it freaks me out to think that. When I have a gay dream I dont picture a guys face or kissing them its just the **** i picture and when i wake up i freak out i hate the idea of this i just want to end my life. I just want to know if it gets better? I know in real life i wont want to **** some other guy its just in my head, its a fantasy really, but I want to have sex with a girl more than anything but I get scared because it doesnt turn me on that much as gay porn does. I just want it all to go away, if porn wasnt invented I would be thinking only girls, I have been so depressed and get scared everytime I hear the word gay being used or when I see a gay couple, it frightens me to think I could be there. But hopefully if I fight it I will be better. One last question, if I start fantasizing about a **** in the middle of a day, should i try and block the thought or would it be better to just let the thought pass until it has totally gone away? Thanks to whomever reads this and hopefully I can get some feedback. on a lighter note when i really think very hard and when i get a clear thought that isn't clouded by this demon hocd i know i'm straight and i get so happy its insane. i also want to say i was introduced to porn at the age of 10 and my brother tried to rape me at 11( he didn't succeed we got in huge fight i thought it was weird.)