Still hocd?

[spoopernatural]

Awhile back I made a post about this and I was really panicked about it back then and checking to see if it was hocd every few hours because of the anxiety. I was repeating "I'm not gay" over and over again and all that fun stuff. But now I'm not? I do still tell myself that but it doesn't feel like it even helps anymore. It's been about a month I think. It still bothers me but for whatever reason the freaking out part has sorta died down. Sometimes for a brief amount of time the thoughts go away completely but then I realize "wait, I'm not thinking about it...?" And my mind tells me that it's because I've accepted that I'm gay. But I'm still liking guys and seeing myself with a guy one day and having a family and whatnot. But as soon as that "you aren't thinking about it so you accepted it" thought pops up I question if those thoughts are even real. I don't know, I'm probably not explaining this very well. It just feels like I want one thing but my brain is telling me I'm wrong and it's annoying as all hell. And I want to freak out more than I am but maybe part of me has realized "no, you're straight, and worrying about this is stupid." but at the same time another part of me is like "but what if it's true? what if one day it becomes true?"

Is that still hocd? I know I've read somewhere that sometimes a person with hocd who has had it for a while will eventually not really care as much and it'll just be the nagging thoughts. If that's true, how am is supposed to make it stop? Because I'm really tired of this...I just want to be the way I was before this. I was really happy because I knew 100% that I was/am straight  and I couldn't wait to get a boyfriend. Now I've got these thoughts making me rethink everything.

[15yearold]

Hi, I m a 15 year old girl. I was diagnosed with OCD in the beginning of 9th grade, or so people tell me. I constantly obsess over my thoughts and feelings, and it leaves me doubting my true self. Lately, I've been getting fears of being a lesbian or bisexual, and I get this when I judge woman or have intrusive sexual thoughts. I will judge and see if they are pretty, but I don t like them sexually. I will always think "Oh, that girl is really pretty or hot." These intrusive sexual thoughts are mostly kissing, sometimes even more. I am not aroused by women/ I just say they are pretty, but my mind takes it further than what it should. My OCD acts up, and I get thoughts like "Oh, I must be bisexual or a lesbian." I have ALWAYS fantasized about dating a guy or having sex with one. I have dated a guy, and I was content with the relationship. I don t want to be with a woman. I have a lot of female friends I want them to like me, but not in a sexual way. I automatically doubt myself. My OCD acts up and thoughts like "I must be gay because I want my female friends to like me." I get obsessed and think I want them to like me because they are female, which is not true. I say boys are cute or hot, but when i say they are, I automatically doubt myself. I can t really tell if I like them or think they are hot. I was always boy crazy. Whenever I saw images in my head of being in a gay relationship, I get grossed out. Now, my body doesn't reject the idea anymore, so I m really confused. Again, resulting in my OCD acting up. I purposely picture these intrusive homosexual thoughts to see if I get turned on. These thoughts cause me distress. I always go on a forum and explain my whole story multiple times to see if this is normal. I have done that more than 40 times already. I sometimes experience unwanted sensations in or near my sexual organs in unexpected situations. This happens after seeing an attractive person of the same gender, or while watching film or TV show with a gay character, and I worry I am getting sexually aroused or something or I find it appealing. I repeatedly worry about the possibility that I will suddenly and inexplicably turn' gay. Sometimes I reassure myself, but it always comes back. I worry that my childhood same-sex experimentation is proof that I am actually gay, or that it somehow made me gay. I am constantly worrying about that, and I feel bad. I fear the possibility that I am living a lie in terms of my sexual orientation. I fear that I am not sexually attracted to the opposite sex anymore. I prefer to avoid being around the same sex to ensure that I will not have unwanted thoughts about my sexual orientation or unwanted sensations in or near my sexual organs. I can't even watch movies with the same sex in it because I think I am gay, I have unwanted sensations near my organ, and I have unwanted sexual thoughts. I sometimes 'test' myself by looking at beautiful girls to see if I become sexually aroused.  I sometimes check myself either physically or mentally to see if I am sexually aroused in situations in which I don't want to be aroused (i.e. after seeing an attractive person of the same gender). I pray a lot, and I repeatedly say the same prayers to get rid of my unwanted thoughts about my sexual orientations and that I will always be straight. I sometimes ask my close friends for reassurance about my sexual orientation. Whenever I say the same sex is pretty or hot, my mind takes it further, and my anxiety acts up. I worry that I will have uncomfortable thoughts about my sexual orientation forever, and that this obsession will ultimately ruin my life. I am afraid I will be rejected by everyone i love if I was bisexual or gay. I worry that if my sexual orientation is not as I think it should be, I will never again be able to romantically connect to another person because I would be miserable.  My obsessional thoughts about my sexual orientation are interfering with my relationships and with my academic functioning. I worry about this for hours. It has made my life hell. I know exactly how you feel. It is OCD, and the more you tell yourself that the thoughts come back stronger. I know you're not gay. The more people worry about their sexual orientation to the point they get diagnosed with OCD, the less gay they are.

[bringmejoy]

Hey, I commented on those posts from a while back. I'm in the same position now as well - sometimes I think about it and I don't feel anything. like i dont care anymore and then i get worried that its because ive somehow internally accepted that im gay now! i think its called rumination ocd where its just an obsessional thought that goes over and over that we feel the need to argue with. I read a book that helped- 'break free from ocd' and it has two theories - A and B. Theory A says, for example, 'The problem is I'm gay and my life has been a lie' and Theory B says 'The problem is that I WORRY that I'm gay and my life has been a lie'. Try to think about your life as theory B the problem is not that you are, it is that you worry you are. This has helped me because ive always thought that the problem was something different to what it actually is.

[123tushar07]

ocd does not go away on its own unless you take treatment, so please consult a psychiatrist or psychologist