okay so i have just turned 16, and am going through some trouble, ever since i was younger i have liked women emotionally and sexually, but more emotionally. but since 4 months ago i have been having gay thoughts, every guy i see who looks better than me i get sexual thoughts about, like me doing it with him, or him giving me oral, i dont like having the thoughts, but mind mind keeps saying i do. for the past 3 months i have hated the thoughts but now, im not sure if i really hate them or like them. since i was 13 i have liked looking at shirtless men and wonder what they look like doing it with a girl never me, before this started i was like this to. i have gotten erect to the thoughts of guys doing it with a girl, but ever since i have been having gay thoughts i constantly test my reactions because i have gotten erect to the gay thought and i keep forcing myself to masturbate to the thought to see if i ejaculate and i have, which freaks me out, but now im not sure if it freaks me out. i wil say i have never really felt the same about girls as most ppl when ever some guy said oh i want to f her real hard, i never felt the same, but i always masturbated to the thougfhts of women, and ussually get erect ton the thoughts of women. i have never been overly obsessed with a womens body, but i do like male bodies not ussually sexually, its always admiration but lately i have been having thoughts of a guy kissing me and me having a husband and i dont want the thoughts, i was sure i and hocd until now, unless hocd has won and its going to my head, masturbating to gay thoughts doesnt feel right most of the time but what freaks me out the most is that i have gotten hard to the thought, and how i like guys bodies,and i keep imagining guys naked, even ppl at school. i have a constant fear im going to act out on the thoughts i dont even no my orientation anymore, i dont want the thoughts and i am pretty sure i dont want to be gay, i feel more asexual than straight or gay. can i just become gay after knowing i was straight all these years or is it just hocd going to my head. i always thought how nice it would be to have a wife and kids but since i keep having thoughts of a husband im not sure what i like anymore, i dont feel gay, and i get hard to women thoughts most of the time not men, and when ever i see a sex scene in a movie i imagine the guy naked and what he looks like screwing the girl. if i were to come out as gay right this minute i wouldnt go and run off with a guy. i dont know if it my heart saying im gay or my mind, i keep having gay thoughts and keep saying to myself dont get hard, dont get hard and then i do, and then i get mad and depressed, please help, i really dont want to hear oh ur gay and u know it , or im sorry to say this but ur gay. i keep imagining guys naked in school, and now its getting annoying.
and i keep looking at things on line like pics of naked men and women to see if i get aroused, and i keep looking up hocd, and what makes ppl gay, or what age do ppl come out, or what r the syptoms of hocd, and i keep taking those dumb are u gay tests, i have been researching this stuff for many hours of the day, its consuming me and my time.