It just keeps getting worse...

[Tybear]

I went and got the results of my Ct scan today. I have 5-10 new small tumors on the inside of my stomach lining. the tumors I originally had have all grown, some by more than a centemeter, some by a little less than that. As suspected, I do have a tumor working it's way through my vaginal wall, which is why I'm having bleeding. And my right kidney is now moderatley backed up, along with my right ureter. Just for fun, I also have a bad, bad kidney infection on my left side, the one with the nephrostomy.
I asked my oncologist what to do when the surgeon says no to surgery (because I'm now, almost certain, he will) I just assumed I'd go back on Avastin and he told me not unless I want to risk bleeding to death. I guess because that one tumor is through my vaginal wall, if I do the avastin and it eats away the tumor, I'll be left with a hole that will just hemmorage. He is scheduling me to see a radiation oncologist in Toronto.
I'm so overwhelmed...I don't want to do this anymore. I've given up hoping things will go right for me because they never seem to and it's just to hard to deal with it when they don't. I'm trying so hard to act like nothings wrong because I hate seeing that look on my parents face, the one where their wondering if their daughter is going to die.
I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from.

[Ramsay14]

I am so very sorry about this Becky.  Tears streamed down my face when I read your post.  I do want to say though, that I agree with bebe.  There is always hope.  In the worst of circumstances there is always hope.  

P.S.  I don't want to do this anymore either.

[justscore]

I am so sorry.......I don't know what else to say.  This just SUX!!!!!  You have overcome so much and are such a STRONG person.  Keep believing and know we are all here for you.  I have something I would like to send you.......can you message me an address to mail it to?  

Heidi

[ireneo]

Excuse my ignorance here but it seems that doing surgery to remove the vaginal vault and the nasty tumor gobbling a hole through it seems a reasonable request. There are so many minimally invasive surgical techniques now. You don't have a solid "no" yet do you? Perhaps he'll surprise you and take care of that troublesome spot. That would be one less to think about. I know, there are others lurking about but bleeding so much isn't good either. I'm sorry. I'm just wishing they could/would do something to help.

irene

[bebe709]

Please, Please be POSITIVE!!!  Keep your spirit up.... and believe that you are going
to be okay... and that its a set-back ... but you will get thru this.... You have to believe that.... I will pray for you... But please don't give up Hope.... Where there is life there is
Hope... that's my motto... I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.. Be Well

Bebe709

[TrudieC]

Becky, I am speechless - wishing I knew how to comfort you.  How I hope and pray that the radiation could help.  Are there counsellors out there who have experience with cancer patients that may be able to help in some way?  I'm not too far away and if you ever need anything please ask and I am there.

Hugs, Trudie

[Pat4444]

I know this must be unimaginably hard for you and I am so sorry. Keep your chin up and try not to give up. I will pray for you and hope you find something that works and your discouragement goes away. Pat