Jan

[cirella]

Hi All,
I started this this AM and have updated it.  I decided to just leave it the way I wrote it originally and you'll see the edit.
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Whew boy...I don't really post too much anymore and it is killing me to come here now to post this.  I don't have a lot of information but will be speaking to Lisa later today.  Lisa told me that Hospice is setting Jan up today.  I am very scared and part of me wants to run and not find out the truth but that won't happen.  What I wanted to do today is ask that those of you who know Jan, will you please post some thoughts so that Lisa can give them to Jan?  I want her to know just how deeply she is loved and missed on this forum.  Thank you.  I will start.
**edit**  Lisa said that Hospice has set up a bed downstairs for Jan.  At this time, they are trying to get her pain regulated.  It sounds like she's either over medicated and sleeping or awake and in pain.  I really hope they can get that to a point where she can be as comfortable as can be without sleeping all the time.  It sounds as if she has a blockage of some sort.

All who know Jan knows that she is a fighter.  I know she is fighting her hardest right now and will continue to do so.  I want her to fight with all her might but I also want her to realize that it's OK if she just cannot fight any longer.  I pray that the Lord holds Jan and her family closely to him.  I pray that Jan feels the love and comfort of her Father.  Lord, I ask you to cast out fear if there is any and replace it with peace.  This is my prayer for Jan, her family and all of us.  I know that I am afraid, mad, sad.  I don't want to lose my friend but I also don't want her to be in pain any longer.  I'd better stop now but I could go on and on...**end edit**

My Dear Buddy, Jan,
I can hardly choke this out.  I feel that all through our friendship I have tried to think about anything but today.  I've wanted to give you a normal friendship, knowing that we met on an ovarian cancer site but still...   I came on here with questions, like anyone else.  I felt a little guilty for blabbering my stuff when there were women on here dealing with their cancer when I was in limbo-land.  You drew me out, got me talking and our friendship formed.

In the short time we've known each other there have been some kind of wild and strange things happen on this forum.  Some have hurt me as I am sure you have been affected by the fakes but the difference between us is that you see people in such a unique way.  Maybe that's the lawyer in you?  You have been able to come back here and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.  You see people for who they are and you certainly call em like you see em.  I LOVE that about you.  That quality is so child-like and pure and if we all took the time to really listen to our gut like you do it would sure as h*ll cut out a lot of the bull.  If I do answer a post I usually ask myself...what would Jan say to this person?  Then I temper it down a little...LOL  ; )   No, really though, you have a way of telling the truth even if it may not be what someone wants to hear.  It may not be what they want to hear but it may be what they need to hear.

I know for a fact that you have helped many women here.  The forum hasn't been the same since you've been gone.  So many of the "old timers" aren't around much.  We've lost too many to death and some have gone off to other forums.  I'm so very thankful that we have kept in touch and I'm mostly thankful that we got to meet last year.  To put your beautiful face and tiny body together with your ferocious, huge, loving, giving and honest heart was something I will treasure forever.  I remember I kept asking you if you were OK.  Finally you said, "Lori, you haven't been around a lot of cancer patients, have you?"  LOL  The answer was NO and I guess it showed.  LOL  Not sure why that makes me chuckle but it does.

You are one person who sees beauty around you.  You nurture.  You care.  You live and love.  And, I love you.
L

[Tybear]

Jan....
To think, I'm here complaining because I feel like I can't take this anymore...
I sit in awe of you every single day Jan, wondering how you do this? How you hold your head so very high in spite of the obstacles in front of you. How you continue to be such a source of support to those in need when,  all the while, your in need of support yourself. How you keep on fighting against this terrible monster knowing  that there are no guarantees in life.
You have no idea how much you have affected not only my life, but the countless others who visit this forum each and every single day. You are the one who could always be counted on to protect our little group here...I know I always have you in my corner, no matter what. I can't say that about too many other people in my life...
I feel like Marty nailed it on the head when she said she always thinks of you as eternal...that's exactly how I feel.
Jan, I know I can't be there to hug you or just to listen to you but I want you to know, I am always here...always.
I hope you can find some comfort in all the loving messages left here for you.
You remain in my prayers...
Love you,
Becky xx

[junamgen]

Dear Jan,
Very sorry to hear your situation. Just want you to know you have been well loved by so many and are the inspiration for me.

Peace and Love
jun

[gah_70]

Jan,

There is so much I want to say, but I know I would never get it out and make sense.  From the moment you "set foot" in this forum, you made a difference.  You made it your duty to post and help those who came here for answers.  Your honesty has always been refreshing.  This disease is not pretty, yet some don't want expose how brutal it really can be.  I think we learned to have strength from you.  We learned to go on and face another day, even when things really s*ck!  You became a friend to all of us.  You were one of the first people I met in person from the forum.  That was a great meeting because I don't think either of us knew what to expect.  But it was such a good visit.  I can't tell you how honored I am to have gotten to know you.  I miss reading your posts, and only wish you felt well enough to post again.  

You know I am not that far away.  If you or Cory need anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask.  If you're up for a visit, let me know that, too.  I'd love to come to Nashville some weekend and visit with you.  Please take care.  I love you both.

Gail

[gma718]

I dont even know where to begin as I sit here with tears in my eyes....Jan, you were the one who always made me feel welcomed even though I didnt suffer from this horrendous and horrific disease...you were the one who always was the first one who listened and responded to whatever questions I have had...you were one of the first women who guided me through many of my fears during my health situation...you were the one who always put a smile on my face and made me laugh...I sit here so astonished at what is happening to you. You are a fighter...someone I truly admire...someone with whom I have shared with...someone I truly respect as such an honorable caring woman who has such dignity, pride and compassion...You are someone who has touched my life immensely...You found beauty in the simplest things and have taught me many of lifes lessons...You opened your heart and soul for everybody on this forum...I wish you peace Jan...I wish you comfort...I wish your family comfort and peace as well....Please know that my prayers and thoughts are with you always....Love ya, Gia xoxoxo

[Mary 53]

I am so sad tonight. I often don't allow myself to feel deep emotions and I have spent years trying to figure out why that is. But tonight I know exactly what I am feeling and the my  emotions tonight are as raw as they are deep. Yet, somehow, I don't feel like thinking that this recognition of my feelings tonight is 'progress' because I would rather just be feeling anticipation... I would rather be anticipating hearing what was going on in your life, Jan. I would rather be anticipating reading your latest post; impressed by your commentary and your beautiful writing and your insight. Your insight was amazing. Amazing.

I was intrigued by you from the start. I wanted to get to know you. You are like this magnet of strength and much like what I am hearing from the others tonight, I knew I could learn from you. What I did not realize was that I would not only learn from you, but that you would become a friend of mine.

Look at the outpouring of love, Jan! Don't EVER doubt just how incredibly special you are to us, Jan. The forum was changed forever the moment you arrived... you brought vitality, honesty, strength, and passion to this little corner of the powerful Internet world. Thank you for giving new life to my world, Jan.

Holding you in my heart and wishing you peace and freedom from pain,

Much love, Mary

[Sandymac]

Dear Jan,
    For some reason, I just never thought that I would be writing a note such as this. I still find myself looking for your posts . You are truly so missed ! I, along with others, joined this forum when there was no cyst forum. I was struck immediately by your strength , wisdom and, of course, humor. My one regret is that we never spoke in person and that I never met you . I only wish I could wave some magic wand and "fix" this for  you.
    There are simply no words to convey how much I admire you.. You are the poster child for "say what you mean, and mean what you say"!! You are truly loved and missed. My prayers are with you, Cory and your incredible family..

Love,
Sandy