Jan

[cirella]

Hi All,
I started this this AM and have updated it.  I decided to just leave it the way I wrote it originally and you'll see the edit.
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Whew boy...I don't really post too much anymore and it is killing me to come here now to post this.  I don't have a lot of information but will be speaking to Lisa later today.  Lisa told me that Hospice is setting Jan up today.  I am very scared and part of me wants to run and not find out the truth but that won't happen.  What I wanted to do today is ask that those of you who know Jan, will you please post some thoughts so that Lisa can give them to Jan?  I want her to know just how deeply she is loved and missed on this forum.  Thank you.  I will start.
**edit**  Lisa said that Hospice has set up a bed downstairs for Jan.  At this time, they are trying to get her pain regulated.  It sounds like she's either over medicated and sleeping or awake and in pain.  I really hope they can get that to a point where she can be as comfortable as can be without sleeping all the time.  It sounds as if she has a blockage of some sort.

All who know Jan knows that she is a fighter.  I know she is fighting her hardest right now and will continue to do so.  I want her to fight with all her might but I also want her to realize that it's OK if she just cannot fight any longer.  I pray that the Lord holds Jan and her family closely to him.  I pray that Jan feels the love and comfort of her Father.  Lord, I ask you to cast out fear if there is any and replace it with peace.  This is my prayer for Jan, her family and all of us.  I know that I am afraid, mad, sad.  I don't want to lose my friend but I also don't want her to be in pain any longer.  I'd better stop now but I could go on and on...**end edit**

My Dear Buddy, Jan,
I can hardly choke this out.  I feel that all through our friendship I have tried to think about anything but today.  I've wanted to give you a normal friendship, knowing that we met on an ovarian cancer site but still...   I came on here with questions, like anyone else.  I felt a little guilty for blabbering my stuff when there were women on here dealing with their cancer when I was in limbo-land.  You drew me out, got me talking and our friendship formed.

In the short time we've known each other there have been some kind of wild and strange things happen on this forum.  Some have hurt me as I am sure you have been affected by the fakes but the difference between us is that you see people in such a unique way.  Maybe that's the lawyer in you?  You have been able to come back here and give the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise.  You see people for who they are and you certainly call em like you see em.  I LOVE that about you.  That quality is so child-like and pure and if we all took the time to really listen to our gut like you do it would sure as h*ll cut out a lot of the bull.  If I do answer a post I usually ask myself...what would Jan say to this person?  Then I temper it down a little...LOL  ; )   No, really though, you have a way of telling the truth even if it may not be what someone wants to hear.  It may not be what they want to hear but it may be what they need to hear.

I know for a fact that you have helped many women here.  The forum hasn't been the same since you've been gone.  So many of the "old timers" aren't around much.  We've lost too many to death and some have gone off to other forums.  I'm so very thankful that we have kept in touch and I'm mostly thankful that we got to meet last year.  To put your beautiful face and tiny body together with your ferocious, huge, loving, giving and honest heart was something I will treasure forever.  I remember I kept asking you if you were OK.  Finally you said, "Lori, you haven't been around a lot of cancer patients, have you?"  LOL  The answer was NO and I guess it showed.  LOL  Not sure why that makes me chuckle but it does.

You are one person who sees beauty around you.  You nurture.  You care.  You live and love.  And, I love you.
L

[butterflytc]

   My heart goes out to all of you Lisa. I am glad she has her family around her. I wish I had the words in me, to express how I feel. It will be a sad loss for all of us here at medhelp, and an even bigger loss for Cory, and her family and friends. I hope she is no longer in pain.
God Bless you all
love
butterflytc

[ladyjogger31]

I pray that you all find comfort in knowing when it is Jan's time she will finally be in peace and pain free..Jan will be missed very much.
Love, Terry

[bmcd]

I have been putting off posting this as it is very hard for me to find any words that seem appropriate.  First, I thank you Jan and from a once very scared little 15 yr. old girl, she thanks you.  Your words of encouragement for her and your hope for her shone through some of her darkest nights.  You believed all along she would be OK and she is to date.  Your up front "soap box" style was always an attention getter and truly insightful.  I view you as a very intelligent woman with the mind to help those on this forum coupled with the heart of gold to heal the forum mindset.  If one was accepted by you and you were on their side, you would be first to their defense, defending the defenseless.  You would be there to share, to care, to console, maybe something seaming as simple as wishing them a Happy Birthday (which always made my day as well as Ashley's day).  If one was not accepted by you and you were not on their side....whoa!  Of course anyone sincere and serious about this forum and the situations all are going through, they were immediately accepted by you.  It was the jokers and fools that had another thing coming...A moment with Jan in the timeout corner.  If it is in fact your time to lay down your sword and shield, please know like all the previous posts, Ashley and I will miss you.  Miss you spunk, fire, loving personality, and extreme knowledge and wisdom.  I will continue to pray that what god feels is right and just is his bidding and not for me to question.  We love you Jan.

God Bless,
Bob and Ashley

[gah_70]

So many things are left to say, but I don't know how to say them.  I feel the need to say more than I have said, and somehow come up with something witty or profound...but my mind isn't working that way.  My mind is already missing my friend, and wishing like everything it didn't have to be this way for her, or for any one else.  It just seems like it's been a never-ending thing since last January when Rose Marie passed away.  With each one, a hole is left in the forum.  While I am happy they don't have to suffer any longer, I am also selfish, and want them back here.  Difference is, I want them back here in good health with smiles on their faces.

I regret not getting to see Jan this week, but know her last moments should be spent with those who love her surrounding her and holding her hand.  Cory doesn't need to be saddled with having to play host.  So for now, all I can do is offer my virtual hand to hold, and my prayers for a gentle passing.  

Thank you, Lisa for updating like you do.  I know it can't be easy to find time to post.  But bless you for making the time.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sisters too.  

Love,
Gail    

[crecco]

   Like so many others, I find myself at a loss for words, and that is not something that happens very often. There is so much I would like to say, but my emotions are in such turmoil that I cannot think straight. I am sad beyond words, I'm confused, I'm mad as hell, and everything is just twisting and turning together, leaving me in a fuzzy haze.
  Honey, as hard as it may be to face, your work here is done, and it is now time for you to rest. You have touched so many of us in so many ways that you will never be far away from any of us. Those of us that have been fighting this battle with you, will continue to fight on, knowing that is what you would want us to do. As for myself, it renews my hope knowing that you will be watching over me as my own journey continues. I wish I had been able to tell you this in person, but am so very happy that your loved ones are there with you. My prayers are with you. Go in peace my dear friend.
  I love you Jan.
         Chris

[Flicka0459]

Hey guys,

Jan is now on oxygen.  She was up all night talking, well talking as well as she could.  She's still wide awake, well sort of.  They have upped her meds to 24 mg per hour with a 12 mg every 6 minutes if needed.  The nurses have been really great.  Jan refuses to relax and just let go.  She is in severe pain and I wish she would once in her life just let God take over and stop being such a control freak!

I'm so frustrated.  Cory is taking a nap now and and Katie and Kelley are still here and I think Kelley doesn't have an off switch.  The girl never stops talking.   God help me.

Love Lisa