I'm currently coping with PTSD, it is not an easy thing to live with I can tell you that much. I am not a doctor, but from what I learned from my own doctor, your description sounds very familiar. Because you have tried to commit suicide in the past and are now experiencing these problems when you think about the death of yourself or others, I believe that you MAY have PTSD. A doctor can confirm that for you, but you need to tell him/her EVERYTHING. I left out a lot about my past the first three times I went to the doctor, and it didn't help either of us. Good luck, I hope you get the answers you are looking for.
you might want to talk to a doctor first