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Primary Tokophobia (fear of pregnancy)- support groups?
Hello everyone,
I have been with my partner for about 5 years (we are both approaching 30), but recently he has expressed an interest in starting a family in a few years time.
The problem is I have never wanted children and suffer from a serious fear of pregnancy so even if I wanted them, I am not sure I could go through with a pregnancy. My fear is so bad that even being around a pregnant women I begin to suffer "sympathy pains" (back ache, stomach cramps, dizziness/sickness etc) or anxiety attacks.
To be clear I am not about to have a child just to please my partner, but I dont want my fear to rule out us having them if we *both* decide its something we want in the future.
I have read that Cognitive Therapy can help with this condition, but I am not yet ready to approach my GP to request a referral as I get tearful even thinking about it and it would be an awful waste of their time for me to take such help right now- I want to connect to other people who suffer the same condition and hear their experiences etc.
Are there any online support groups specifically for this condition? Since I never planned upon having children, I have never had to try and address this fear before and googling has turned up nothing particularly helpful.
All replies greatly appreciated.
I have been with my partner for about 5 years (we are both approaching 30), but recently he has expressed an interest in starting a family in a few years time.
The problem is I have never wanted children and suffer from a serious fear of pregnancy so even if I wanted them, I am not sure I could go through with a pregnancy. My fear is so bad that even being around a pregnant women I begin to suffer "sympathy pains" (back ache, stomach cramps, dizziness/sickness etc) or anxiety attacks.
To be clear I am not about to have a child just to please my partner, but I dont want my fear to rule out us having them if we *both* decide its something we want in the future.
I have read that Cognitive Therapy can help with this condition, but I am not yet ready to approach my GP to request a referral as I get tearful even thinking about it and it would be an awful waste of their time for me to take such help right now- I want to connect to other people who suffer the same condition and hear their experiences etc.
Are there any online support groups specifically for this condition? Since I never planned upon having children, I have never had to try and address this fear before and googling has turned up nothing particularly helpful.
All replies greatly appreciated.
Something happened when you were twelve that caused you to make a very weighty decision, do I have the right impression? I'm sorry you were unable to get the help you needed back then for whatever it was you were going through.
The violence you reveal in your vehemence against pregnancy, to the point of willingness to take the life of someone else, yourself, and your unborn child demonstrates you are in intense need spiritually and emotionally. Let me know by private message if you would be interested in learning about the One Who is able to help you.
Disgust and fear of pregnancy are two very different things. The low value you place on human life is sad. You have chosen loneliness for this life, but I hope you will come to know what it is like to be loved by God and not choose loneliness anymore.
The violence you reveal in your vehemence against pregnancy, to the point of willingness to take the life of someone else, yourself, and your unborn child demonstrates you are in intense need spiritually and emotionally. Let me know by private message if you would be interested in learning about the One Who is able to help you.
Disgust and fear of pregnancy are two very different things. The low value you place on human life is sad. You have chosen loneliness for this life, but I hope you will come to know what it is like to be loved by God and not choose loneliness anymore.
"Disgust and fear of pregnancy are two very different things"
I would have to disagree, fear/disgust manifest themselves very similarly. I know for me, the idea of a parasite feeding of me is disgusting, but equally, the idea of something growing inside of me is a terrifying idea.
Regardless of whether her hatred of pregnancy and children is driven by fear or disgust, doesn't change that it is her body and her life. Threats against other people may feel extreme to somebody on the outside, but its a fight or flight response- a threat to show people how serious she is very different to actually not valuing human life.
I would have to disagree, fear/disgust manifest themselves very similarly. I know for me, the idea of a parasite feeding of me is disgusting, but equally, the idea of something growing inside of me is a terrifying idea.
Regardless of whether her hatred of pregnancy and children is driven by fear or disgust, doesn't change that it is her body and her life. Threats against other people may feel extreme to somebody on the outside, but its a fight or flight response- a threat to show people how serious she is very different to actually not valuing human life.
It would be a real relief if you did start a support forum. I have always wanted to connect with people who shared my views on this subject.
I have tried talking to many friends, some directly, some indirectly...easing into the subject, but i back away once i realise they dont feel the way i do. Its disheartening :(
Lately, my boyfriend's bestfriend and his girl just had twins, and they were all on me to be next in line to have babies. I left and burst into tears in the bathroom. That incident sent me into an abyss of suicidal depression. :(
Oddly enough, sometimes i do wish i could have kids, but even so, i would only if GUARANTEED a C-section. I mean GUARANTEED! I sometimes fear that even if i found a doctor who'd agree to an elective C-section, i feel they will trick me and not go through with it and wait till i go into labour and force me to have a vaginal delivery. UGH :'(:'(.
This may sound stupid and unprofessional, but i do think most doctors are unsympathetic.
Anyway, I cannot take anymore ridicule from the world. I think women like us need a platform to voice our feelings and not be judged..
I have tried talking to many friends, some directly, some indirectly...easing into the subject, but i back away once i realise they dont feel the way i do. Its disheartening :(
Lately, my boyfriend's bestfriend and his girl just had twins, and they were all on me to be next in line to have babies. I left and burst into tears in the bathroom. That incident sent me into an abyss of suicidal depression. :(
Oddly enough, sometimes i do wish i could have kids, but even so, i would only if GUARANTEED a C-section. I mean GUARANTEED! I sometimes fear that even if i found a doctor who'd agree to an elective C-section, i feel they will trick me and not go through with it and wait till i go into labour and force me to have a vaginal delivery. UGH :'(:'(.
This may sound stupid and unprofessional, but i do think most doctors are unsympathetic.
Anyway, I cannot take anymore ridicule from the world. I think women like us need a platform to voice our feelings and not be judged..
I COMPLETELY understand EVERYTHING in this thread.
I am a woman, 24 years old, and suffer from extreme disgust with pregnancy. I can't stand the thought of something growing inside me, for all the reasons stated above. I've tried talking to my mother, my grandmother, my friends, my doctor, and no one listens. No one understands. I've been saying since I was 8 years old that I'd never have children, but everyone always tells me I'm melodramatic, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm selfish, immature, irresponsible, don't want to grow up, I'll change my mind when I'm older, when I meet the right man, etc.
I'm in a long-term relationship with a man who (thankfully) is the only one who seems to understand my fear and not treat it as some sort of childish notion. Luckily for me, he's not interested in having children either, and offered to have a vasectomy, but I want to be the one to be fixed. I feel like somehow if I have my tubes tied or my uterus removed, it will get rid of my fear somehow, and I'll feel some relief. I've begged my doctor on several occasions for an operation but she's refused on the grounds that "I'm too young." I live in Canada and I don't need my partner's permission to do it, but the doctors still won't do it anyway.
I'm considering counselling. Has anyone on this thread tried it? Has it worked for you?
I am a woman, 24 years old, and suffer from extreme disgust with pregnancy. I can't stand the thought of something growing inside me, for all the reasons stated above. I've tried talking to my mother, my grandmother, my friends, my doctor, and no one listens. No one understands. I've been saying since I was 8 years old that I'd never have children, but everyone always tells me I'm melodramatic, I don't know what I'm saying, I'm selfish, immature, irresponsible, don't want to grow up, I'll change my mind when I'm older, when I meet the right man, etc.
I'm in a long-term relationship with a man who (thankfully) is the only one who seems to understand my fear and not treat it as some sort of childish notion. Luckily for me, he's not interested in having children either, and offered to have a vasectomy, but I want to be the one to be fixed. I feel like somehow if I have my tubes tied or my uterus removed, it will get rid of my fear somehow, and I'll feel some relief. I've begged my doctor on several occasions for an operation but she's refused on the grounds that "I'm too young." I live in Canada and I don't need my partner's permission to do it, but the doctors still won't do it anyway.
I'm considering counselling. Has anyone on this thread tried it? Has it worked for you?
Please let me know if anyone creates a support group. Thanks! :)
Have any of you guys talked to a mental health professional and tried to address this phobia?
Anyone here can start their own user group, it's very easy to do. Here's the link to the main group page, you will see an option (believe on top) to start your own group:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_groups/list
Come back and post the link to your group in the forum and on this thread.
Good luck to you all!
Anyone here can start their own user group, it's very easy to do. Here's the link to the main group page, you will see an option (believe on top) to start your own group:
http://www.medhelp.org/user_groups/list
Come back and post the link to your group in the forum and on this thread.
Good luck to you all!
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