dont wana do it alone

[gemstar89]

Ur all prob sick of me now but i jus dno what to do with myself i dont wana do the pregnancy n mother thing alone i dno if i can and my ex say he wants to be there but talk is cheap jus dont see him standin up to the mark but i really need his help this is my forst child so this is all new to me i understand hes scared but im scared too but difference is i cant run away from my baby it needs me why is it so easy for men to not give a crap?!?!

[Mandicole]

I was in the same boat as you when I got pregnant, I wad nervous, I didnt have anyone to share it with. I was so scared until I found my fiance when I was 5 months preg. But he wasnt there for me like I needed because it wasnt his baby. 2 1/2 yrs old he is still here and treats my babygirl like his own. But I think it would be easier to do it all alone because guys are big babys and I feel like it would b so much easier just my babygirl and I. And as for my "spermdonor" I came around 1 time and stole from me and havent seen him since, thank god. But here I am waiting for #2 and i dont feel any different then I did with the first. Good luck sweety it will all work out, sometimes its easier to be alone then to deal with all the drama just dont stress and you will get through it.

[Vonnie828]

You Have To Do What You Have To Do , Pray For The Best But Prepare For The Worst .

[MamaBear0612]

How far along are you, gemstar?  The day I told my ex about the baby is the day that we broke up, and since then he's been kind of like your ex, not all the way gone but also not really there.  It's been almost 2 and a half months since I told him the news and he's only just...barely...starting to get a little better.  Like the other ladies said, I think for me the hardest part was just realizing he's not going through the same thing that I am.

I think it helps to give them time, most single dads I've talked to said that for them that news was initially not a good thing and whether it was or not, the baby still didn't really feel real to them until it was actually here and they could see it. I think in our situation they're also literally not seeing us like a man sees his wife everyday. If they're unsympathetic when they can see you going through all of it, what we're getting is their reaction when they can't. Time and patience...at least that's what I keep telling myself.

That said, patience does sometimes wear off, and sometimes he gets yelled at, and I don't have a problem with that because sometimes he deserves it...I'll blame pregnancy hormones if necessary lol. We'll work it out, we have to because in June they're gonna hand us a baby and we better be ready to deal.  If you have to do it alone, you'll be okay, just like I will. I agree with agrell, we're better off alone than with a guy who doesn't want to be there.  You can't force him to be a father, all you can do is give him the opportunity to be one if that's the choice that he makes.

[MsKitty84]

Nobody's sick of you; your feelings are totally normal and understandable. That's what we're all here for.

Like bpck04 said, men don't get it. They can't understand even when they try. I've been pretty lucky and have a very supportive partner but even he was a giant pain in the butt at the beginning.  Basically accused me of being a drama queen and thought it'd be over in a week. You can guess how well that went over. I had the whole oh you're not really that sick, what did you do all day, etc. crap too. And for the first few months, you look fat, not preggers, so they act all funny about that. Mine started whining about me being "out of shape" until my hormones kicked in and he got good and yelled at.

Here's what does help. Men HATE being stuck with a problem they can't fix. They can't cope and just check out. So give your ex something to do, something he can control/solve, and see whether he manages to rise to the occasion. For example, tell him if you want him at your doctor visit. If you want something, give him a specific request -- stuff for the nursery, help with doctor bills, work on the baby's room, his top 10 choices for baby names. Assign him a job. :-)

[gemstar89]

I think its harder that were not together anymore hes not around as much n all i get is a txt everyday askin how we are doin i havent had any scans yet so dont kno if he will want to come.to them it just ***** feel so alone :(

[agrell]

Because they cant feel the baby like...even early in pregnancy women feel a bond with their child and in a way i think men are jealous of that...my husband freak when i got pregnant with our son and left but as i progressed in my pregnancy and he could feel our son move he started coming around...and now our son is 2 and i couldnt of asked for a better father...i know its not fair that guys get more time to decide if they are ready to become a parent or not but what can us ladies do...i know you say you dont wanna do it alone but there are soooo many single mothers out there that are doing 100x better than mothers that have a man by their side...i wish you the best honey and hope that everything works out the way you want :)

[bpck041712]

Just remember that men don't get to experience pregnancy like we do. It is very easy for them to be disconnected - think about it.. we get to feel the life inside of us, that's huge! My bf tells me all the time that if he can switch spots with me he would in a heart beat - I also get the "oh its not that bad response when I'm in pain or feeling sick" - its like stfu, you don't understand. And they really don't.. if he is making the effort be accepting. Talk is cheap so make sure his actions back it up.. stay positive and feel better..