Aa
Need to vent a bit
Just gotta vent a little. Waiting on blood test that should tell me if this pregnancy's viable or not and right now everybody's all up in my business and I'm going bonkers.
I've been in a relationship for 6 years and have always insisted that I DO NOT want to have children without being married. We had a chat after graduation in which, I thought, I'd made it clear that I would make an effort to stay in the area so long as we were working toward a marriage. Well that was in May and I haven't gotten a proposal yet. We tried hormonal birth control but my body doesn't handle it well; I get really sick and I've lost two close relatives to reproductive system cancers, so we've used barrier methods instead. My partner isn't super thrilled about this and thinks if I was on the pill, none of this would have happened. I got a positive pregnancy test in October and had symptoms of early pregnancy, so we weren't exactly careful with the BC for a couple months. Now it appears that either I wasn't pregnant after all, or that I lost that baby and got preggers again for real somewhere in there. We got into it the other night; he's sorta gotten this crazy idea that I expect him to take on all responsibility and blame him for the whoops. I really don't, stuff happens and it's not exactly like I wasn't there too.
He's self-employed with a fledgling company and a lot of debt. He's totally focused on that business and has no time for anything else and basically says he won't for the next 5 years or so. I love him but am starting to wonder if there's really room there for me, long term, let alone a child. I've only had sporadic part-time hours since graduating last spring, been job hunting for months and feel like getting this pregnancy covered is just going to be another one of those taxpayer burdens I can't stand. My family is not pro-choice and his is all fixated on grandkid. But I don't want to have a baby just to make new grandparents happy, I want to do it because it's the right decision. Last couple weeks I've been seriously contemplating getting an abortion and moving out to Timbuktu or something to just start over and get away from it all. And it feels like the whole world thinks it has a right to know if I'm pregnant and doesn't think I should have any say in the matter.
Really, really not interested in anybody's opinions on premarital sex, abortion or adoption. My mom used to run one of those pro-life clinics; believe me I've heard it all both ways. Just gotta get this out of my system and wondering if anybody else can relate.
I've been in a relationship for 6 years and have always insisted that I DO NOT want to have children without being married. We had a chat after graduation in which, I thought, I'd made it clear that I would make an effort to stay in the area so long as we were working toward a marriage. Well that was in May and I haven't gotten a proposal yet. We tried hormonal birth control but my body doesn't handle it well; I get really sick and I've lost two close relatives to reproductive system cancers, so we've used barrier methods instead. My partner isn't super thrilled about this and thinks if I was on the pill, none of this would have happened. I got a positive pregnancy test in October and had symptoms of early pregnancy, so we weren't exactly careful with the BC for a couple months. Now it appears that either I wasn't pregnant after all, or that I lost that baby and got preggers again for real somewhere in there. We got into it the other night; he's sorta gotten this crazy idea that I expect him to take on all responsibility and blame him for the whoops. I really don't, stuff happens and it's not exactly like I wasn't there too.
He's self-employed with a fledgling company and a lot of debt. He's totally focused on that business and has no time for anything else and basically says he won't for the next 5 years or so. I love him but am starting to wonder if there's really room there for me, long term, let alone a child. I've only had sporadic part-time hours since graduating last spring, been job hunting for months and feel like getting this pregnancy covered is just going to be another one of those taxpayer burdens I can't stand. My family is not pro-choice and his is all fixated on grandkid. But I don't want to have a baby just to make new grandparents happy, I want to do it because it's the right decision. Last couple weeks I've been seriously contemplating getting an abortion and moving out to Timbuktu or something to just start over and get away from it all. And it feels like the whole world thinks it has a right to know if I'm pregnant and doesn't think I should have any say in the matter.
Really, really not interested in anybody's opinions on premarital sex, abortion or adoption. My mom used to run one of those pro-life clinics; believe me I've heard it all both ways. Just gotta get this out of my system and wondering if anybody else can relate.
I would probably feel like the baby and commitment are two separate issues. I don't know if you would feel comfortable if the reason he married you was because of the baby, but I'd hate it, and I would guess that if he did propose now that would be at least a major reason. If I get married, I want it to be because he loves me and can't do without me, and I shouldn't have to ask him for it. Commitment sounds like an issue that you two need to resolve, but it sounds like the baby is the more immediate issue right now.
Pregnancy is great but it's also complicated and if you do choose to go through with it, you'll have a lot of things to resolve with him as future parents. I feel like I've already learned more about my ex in this pregnancy than I ever did when we were together, some situations are like that. Maybe once you get through this stage, you'll be in a better place to figure out what you may or may not want from him, or if you just want him gone. You're not trapped, you could leave him after (or before, if you want) the baby's here and live your life. It's true that shared parenting is a commitment, but the commitment is to your child's best interests, not to each other in a relationship sense. You would have to deal with him as his/her father, and you've said you think he'd be good at that, but that's it.
Pregnancy is great but it's also complicated and if you do choose to go through with it, you'll have a lot of things to resolve with him as future parents. I feel like I've already learned more about my ex in this pregnancy than I ever did when we were together, some situations are like that. Maybe once you get through this stage, you'll be in a better place to figure out what you may or may not want from him, or if you just want him gone. You're not trapped, you could leave him after (or before, if you want) the baby's here and live your life. It's true that shared parenting is a commitment, but the commitment is to your child's best interests, not to each other in a relationship sense. You would have to deal with him as his/her father, and you've said you think he'd be good at that, but that's it.
well there is no more real commitment than bringing up a child together at least it sounds like you've got that from it and its alot more than some :) maybe once baby is here he will seal it with a marriage proposal :)
Yeah idk. I wouldn't necessarily mind a baby and the way he talks it sounds like he doesn't either. If anything he's more calm about it than I am. He's a good guy all around and would be a good parent, but I'm really not happy about the timing. Before getting preg I was getting ready to move out because I didn't feel like the relationship was going anywhere. Now I feel even more stuck and frustrated, and I don't want to bring a child into the middle of things. Just don't think some sort of real commitment is too much to ask for.
My bf wasn't ready for the news, he's a younger guy (27) and I'm 34, and he says it just wasn't in his game plan right now. He's got a mortgage, etc...I heard it all after I told him I was pregnant, trust me, I blew my top at him a few times at the beginning, and the news actually broke us up.
He says that he feels like he did a pretty good job at the beginning, because he really felt like screaming. But now, over 2 months later, he's doing better with it, coming to appointments and birth classes with me, talking about names and daycare and schools, etc. I think guys a lot of time don't settle down or want pregnancy, etc. until they feel like everything is in order; we definitely weren't ready for it, but as I tell him, that's life. When things occur out of order, they take awhile to adjust to the fact that all is not as they planned. I don't think any of us can anticipate what choices another person will make; I would say you just have to do whatever works for you. I'm in a situation where being a single mom will be tough but not the end of my world...and already in love with my baby, so with or without him I would have kept her and loved her enough for both of us if necessary. But only you know what is the right decision for you. I think every woman knows in her heart what she wants and needs, from men and from life.
He says that he feels like he did a pretty good job at the beginning, because he really felt like screaming. But now, over 2 months later, he's doing better with it, coming to appointments and birth classes with me, talking about names and daycare and schools, etc. I think guys a lot of time don't settle down or want pregnancy, etc. until they feel like everything is in order; we definitely weren't ready for it, but as I tell him, that's life. When things occur out of order, they take awhile to adjust to the fact that all is not as they planned. I don't think any of us can anticipate what choices another person will make; I would say you just have to do whatever works for you. I'm in a situation where being a single mom will be tough but not the end of my world...and already in love with my baby, so with or without him I would have kept her and loved her enough for both of us if necessary. But only you know what is the right decision for you. I think every woman knows in her heart what she wants and needs, from men and from life.
It seems like he isn't going to put in the effort anytime soon to get married if he even really wants to. Its all your decision though. If you want to wait another 5yrs for marriage or not, if you decide to take a baby on in your life ( it is his responsibility too, anytime you risk having sex you risk a baby, bc or not.) Its not all your fault you got preg because you couldn't take the bc, he still had sex with you. Raising a baby alone is hard but many do it and reap the benifits. Forget about everyone else, do what you think is best.
I have had an abortion after a rape. Still cried the whole time and they didn't do it right and i ended up in hospital in full labor for a week. It does take a huge toll physically and mentally. I also have tried all bc methods. Got preg on shot, pill, patch, iud, two wks after birth, and now preg with my 7th baby after tying my tubes. The only thing that stops it is no sex. I hope you get some time to yourself without everyone else in your head, relax, and figure things out. If you need anyone to talk to message me. Good luck with everything.
I have had an abortion after a rape. Still cried the whole time and they didn't do it right and i ended up in hospital in full labor for a week. It does take a huge toll physically and mentally. I also have tried all bc methods. Got preg on shot, pill, patch, iud, two wks after birth, and now preg with my 7th baby after tying my tubes. The only thing that stops it is no sex. I hope you get some time to yourself without everyone else in your head, relax, and figure things out. If you need anyone to talk to message me. Good luck with everything.
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