OT - but becoming a problem....

[Annie2008]

My and husband and I are having lots of problems.  Before I was pregnant it was becoming a problem, but it's worse now!  My husband is overweight by a lot.  I'm not a small woman to begin with but now that my growing belly is getting bigger I'm getting more upset by it.  I can't lay flat any longer while having sex and he and I just tried again, because let's face it I've never wanted sex this badly before in my life, and we couldn't at all.  I can't do it on my back because then I can't breathe and then I can't get on top of him because he's too big for me to straddle and I thought what about from behind and he couldn't do anything that way.  This is becoming a problem for me because I know if a few weeks I'm not gonna wanna have sex at all because I'm gonna be getting bigger!!  I'm already almost into my third trimester.  He did sign up for a gym, but has no real wants to go, and then when we had this failed attempt he got up and walked to the living room and started playing games again on the computer.  Doesn't wanna talk about it - nothing.  I just need advice, because I'm worried this is gonna keep up even after the baby is born.  I want our sex life back!!!  I can't even believe that I'm saying this but since I got pregnant I have been finding myself slightly less attracted to him because of his weight.   I also hate to say this too but because he is letting himself go he takes less showers and now when he goes to the bathroom he still tries to stand and pee and ends up peeing on the floor all the time, I don't wanna embarass him, but it's harder for me to bend down to clean the floor and I don't wanna make him feel badly either........sighs.....please help.

As a side note, I plan on losing the weight once this child pops out LOL.  I had bought a WII fit board before I found out I was pregnant and I can't wait to use it.....I wanna be a fit mommy and he has no desire to become a fit daddy.  

Annie2008

[Annie2008]

Thanks guys for the advice.  I know I need to let him do it when he is ready - and I know he will.  I know the kind of stress he's under since I'm off of work on disability because of my heart with the pregnancy and to top things off he got laid off permanetly and is having to find a job soon because the baby will be here in like 94 days.  It has been tough times, but I keep reminding him that eating his feelings away will not change a thing, our problems will continue to be there no matter what.  

That position you descirbed Joy sounds exciting, but we will have to try any and all postions once I have the baby and he and I lose some weight.  He would never be able to do that positon.

I'm sure most of you are probably asking yourselves well how did you get pregnant then, but he was smaller back in March where I could be on top and have lots of fun with controlling him from there and one night we decided to not use a condom cuz we were in the throws of it, and it happened.

I'm gonna keep my chin up and know it will have to get better right?

[JoyRenee]

That's a great point, Linzola. My husband is more motivated when I'm working out really hard (which I obviously can't do right now). It's always easier when you have someone working WITH you, alongside you. It's difficult for you to do that right now. Is there someone (friend, family) that you could enlist to help him and join him at the gym?

[Linzola1]

Joy has some great points... I would add that maybe now isnt a good time with stress... Maybe after the baby is born and he sees you working on loosing the weight he will want to join you!

I would sit and also have a talk with him, talk to him about the risks of being overweight ( try to say it as calmly and nicely as possible) that the risks are Diabetes and high blood pressure as well as cardiac problems and that with being a daddy not that he wouldnt want to get anything life threatning that will make it so he wont be able to take care and be the daddy that Im sure he wants to be.... (Hope that makes since I feel like I am rambling) Good Luck and I hope things work out...

OHHH also try to get him on a Mes one a day vitiman that will also help!

[JoyRenee]

You could try a different position. I believe it is called something like Scissor Legs or something like that. You lay on your back while he is on his right side. Put your right leg between his legs and your left leg over his body. This gives good access from behind that is comfortable for both of you.

I'm sorry that this is going on. Perhaps he is already embarrassed and just feels hopeless, thus just letting himself go. Encourage him any way you can. Perhaps start going on evening walks together. Clean out your fridge/pantry and talk about putting restrictions on portions and fast food.

The bummer thing is that until he wants it, he won't do it. Hopefully something will spark inside of him and motivate him to want to change his lifestyle.