PARENTING

[a_waiting_butterfly81]

This has nothing to do with pregnancy but i hoping to get some advice. So my husband has a daughter from a previous marriage. she just turned 6. i will be meeting her for the first time in june. I am extremely nervous. i love kids and i dont want to overwhelm her. i want her to like me and i know it will take time. i am just so nervous. my husband says everything will be good we will get along great and she will like me. he says he already sees us going to the park together shopping getting ice cream etc. he sees it but i dont just yet. im excited but at the same time nervous. if you all can give me some advice as to how to deal with it and help me stay calm and just be myself

[a_waiting_butterfly81]

thanks you all for your advice and tips. I will take all this into consideration. I will definitely let you all know how things go, but after all the positivity and support here and from my husband i know things will be great  :-)

[JoyRenee]

My daughter is almost-6 so I can really visualize how she might react to meeting her daddy's new girlfriend/wife (we're not split; just pretending in my head). And I think she'd be super nervous and insecure.

Just be yourself. One thing I hate (and you probably don't even do this) is when adults "baby talk" elementary-aged kids. Just talk to her normally and make her feel like she's on the same playing field as you. For instance when I meet new kids around this age I make sure to tell them their sneakers or their hair "Are so totally cool!" and then have them tell me about why they chose those shoes or cut. Then get into some girly discussion about what shoes and hair styles are cool.

More than likely, once the ice is broken, it'll all flow like gravy.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Take your time, don't overwhelm her.   Offer to have her do things with you but don't push.  Make sure that if she approaches you with ANYTHING you make your response a very welcoming one.

[a_waiting_butterfly81]

thank you all so much for responding i appreciate that. i definitely do not want to step on anyones toes especially her moms because i know i am not her mother. i will treat as if she was my own and love her as if she was my own. i know it will take time i just have to keep myself calm and just be myself. i will try and stop worrying about it and stressing myself out about it. Im going to just go with the flow. Again thank you all for your advice :-)

[anwright]

I would say that if there is anyway to talk to her first let her ask you questions and you ask her some get to know each other before you meet. If you are not able to do that how about if you find out what she likes and get to know all about it so you can have things to talk about. Just don't worry about it that will make you more nervous and make it feel foced. I hope that all goes well just know that she is a little girl and they need love and they need to be reasured that her daddy loves her and you are not going to try and take over anyones roll as a parent. Just think about it as meeting a new friend dont make it all about you and let her lead you two how to act by the way she acts.

[Zaylil]

I know how you feel. I love kids as well, sometimes I overwhelm with how playful i can be with them. But what helps me to calm down is to reach them like they were my own. Meaning just stay calm around play games that you can get involved with her not you involving her. Like imagination games where she is the princess and she makes the decisions to you her jester or lady in waiting. My God Daughter loved that game and it makes it about them and they use their imagination and aren't threatened by how imaginitive you can be. Your leaving it up to her how much fun she can have.

[a_waiting_butterfly81]

thanks i really appreciate that. i will try that. all i really want is for her to be comfortable around me. i dont want to scare her or like i said before overwhelm her because she is still so young. i like the fact that she is younger cause that will allow her time to grow on me and vise versa. my problem is i watch way too much tv and i always see the typical step daughter/son to parent relationship and they end up hating them and i think its gonna happen to me. i try not and let it get to me but its all i think about the closer we meet comes. but i trust my husband and if he says its going too good and she welcomes me with open arms then it will be ok. i just wanted a little encouragement and advice from others ladies. this seems like a really good site

[mamaof4410]

Ive never been in this situation but from seeing my SIL go through it I would say just take your time. She's probably just as nervous as you lol. You dont see this happening because you have never been around her, he knows her and how she reacts to different things. Just be patient with her if she doesnt come around at first, make her as comfy as possible but try not to smother her (my stepdad did this to me) he would constantly ask me if I wanted anyhthing and try giving me money all the time. But I was 12 so it got annoying. Shes little which means shell be easy to entertain. Movies, the park, plaing outside things like that. Good Luck. and explain to her after she gets comfy around you that you want to be her "friend" no pressure for anything else.