Upset and just need to talk :(

[purplepeaches12]

Hey ladies, I haven't been on much lately, I've had alot going on. I'm having a hard time and just kinda needed to share. First a little background info might make this more useful. My pregnancy was unplanned and when I said I was keeping the baby my boyfriend was super supportive and joined the army since we were in university and did not have a full time job or anyhting steady. He figured the army was his only option since he hadn't yet finished school, and he is guarenteed full time for 3 years (his contract length), they have benefits and they will pay for his schooling. I really appreciated him doing this for us, but now he leaves Saturday morning for his training and its alot harder than I thought it would be. He will be gone for 6 months. So the last 2 months of my pregnancy and first 4 months with the baby. Its really hard to think of him being gone that long. We lived together for the last year and I'm used to spending every day with him. The first 4 weeks of training he isn't allowed to leave or have any visitors and then after that it depends on if his leader (can't think of the technical name) lets them have the weekend off or not. He will be 7 hours away for the first 13 weeks. At the earliest I won't be able to see him till September :(. I hate that he's going to be missing all the final things in my pregnancy and all the things when the baby is born. Alot of "firsts" (smile, laugh, everything in the first 4 months). We also aren't sure if hes going to be able to make it back for the birth or not. I know he wants to be here for everything and he is upset hes going to miss it, but its hard, we know this is our best option.
Sorry if I'm rambelling here, I just kinda broke down about everything tonight and I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Its also hard when people say that the 6 months will fly by, because it truely doesnt feel like half a year will go by all that fast when the one person I want around the most, won't be :(
I realize that there are army wives that do this all the time, and I really do have a new respect for all of them. I didn't realize how hard it would be.
Any other women going through the same thing? How did you get through it?
Anyways, thanks to anyone who actaully read this whole thing, its longer than I intended it to be! I hope everyone is doing well, I've been pretty busy with packing and moving and trying to arrange alot of things so I haven't gotten on here as much as I would like to.

[noahandlisasmom]

My husband is in the air national guard his boot camp was 8 weeks long and training for 6 months he was back in time for our childs first birth, being in the airnational guard you are not allowed to be deployed longer than 120 days well for my husbands unit so this works out for us very well.  He was deployed 1 week after my sons birth for 120 days tho. It was a horrible experiance for me since I had no family that lived around us.  I didnt know how to be a mom or if anything I was doing was right.  I was a stay at home mom so i never left the house and I literally thought I was going crazy.  I didnt have no friends so what could you do. On top of that my son started having seizures the 3rd week of life, and they were on going.  The friends I met were doctors and nurses cause his first 6 months were basically in and out of hospitals.  It will be hard. I aint going to tell you it wont be, but make sure you have family and friends around, make sure you get a baby sitter at least 2 times a month to just go somewhere for yourself even if its a hour. If people tell you they want to help you let them dont be stubborn, taking a hour nap while a relative is watching the baby at your home is a good thing.  People know you are going to be going threw a hard time and they will want to be there for you so just let them.  It is hard to see your man leave but he will return, its the waiting that starts to kill us inside.  Show many pictures to the baby ( i know this sounds weird) but showing him pictures of his father will make it easier for the baby to know who his father is, this will make a huge differance when daddy comes home to see his baby, so he does not feel left out when the baby crys when he trys to hold it or trys to play with the baby, Just remember daddy is hurting to knowing he will miss all this and more knowing that the baby will not reconginze him when he returns or feeling depressed that he wont be there for you, they have many thoughts about these things which us wifes sometimes forget about cause were so mad they are leaving us with kids babys ect.. I hope the best for you. In the long run things will start getting better,  the services have so much to offer to the men and women serving and even there spouses.  I wish you and your family the best of luck to all of you.

[Cassandrajane]

Don't worry I kinda know what you are going through... But mine never actually went because the Laser Surgery was too much for him so he is going through a college instead which is pretty far away...
So he can be an Air Traffic Controler.

At least you can stay with him after his training, I wouldnt be allowed to move around with mine untill we were married which is really annoying.... :( I cant even last a week LOL...

I think he will be allowed his laptop after his training...and they have pay phones there I think, so he can contact you, because he does need to know when you are going into labour. Get it all recorded so he can feel like he was there when he see's it :) LOL


I am sorry :)
I am here if you need to talk though

x

[purplepeaches12]

Yeah I have a webcam, its more the issue of if he will have one there or not. For the first 4 weeks he isn't allowed to have a computer or cell phone or anything. He can go to an internet cafe on his down time (which is pretty limited) but I don't know if they will have webcams there or not. After that I'm hoping he can have his laptop so we can video chat. I guess he will have to see how strict his leader person is.

And after he is done training he will be stationed somewhere and I can go live there with him, but right now its his training for 6 months, so I can't go live there with him. After he is done training me and the baby will move with him to where ever he has to go. And he doesn't get paternity leave during training, only when he's finished and working there full time. None of it counts for training. They said it will depend on where he is during training, like if he is in the field, it will be difficult to get him back here. They said they will try but they can't promise anything.

Thanks for the support though, it helps :)

[Cassandrajane]

I know this doesnt help much, but when you get married (If you get married) you will be able to go with him, you will be given these things called Quarters so wherever he is based you'll live... if that makes sense?? My boyf wants to join the RAF and whe we get married then I can live in his 'army' base type thing, but untill then I gotta stay at home... He hasnt started yet because he doesnt want to get a tattoo removed, so he is applying for a special college that does Air Traffic Control. Because he can't Pilot.
Surely he is allowed home for the birth? Wouldnt it class as Paternity leave I am unsure??
I am sorry you're feeling like this, I know its hard, I see my BF once a week drives me mad.... Everything will be okay, I promise :)

x

[mom2ariana]

im so sorry :( i can't imagine how hard this would be. can you video chat with him with skype or something? that way yall could do that as often as he could be on a computer and he could see the baby and get to see him smile, laugh, hold his head up..all that.
i know its not as good as seeing him, but its something :( he wouldn't completely miss out. if you dont have a webcam id definitely get one and see if he can chat with you as much as possible.
im about to go to bed but im going to check the message you sent me in the morning and respond :) i hope by then you are feeling better about things..try to keep your head up!! whether it feels it will go fast or not, at the end of the 6 months when he is back it wont matter anymore. just take it day by day. dont think about the whole 6 months. if you get through each day without thinking about how much longer you have to wait it wont seem so overwhelming.

[purplepeaches12]

Yeah they know I'm pregnant and said they will try their best to get him home for the birth, but depending on where he is in his training, it may not be possible.

Also I should have added that I live in Canada, so its a little different than in the states. I'm hoping more than anything he won't be sent to afghanistan but I'm trying not to even think about that right now.

Thanks for the support though

[BTS1022]

I'm sorry your having to go through this. But I hate to break it to you, it doesn't get any easier being an army wife. I was one for 5 years, and had to deal with 2 pregnancies alone...completely alone. 6 months is nothing compared to the 18 month deployments some unit's are doing, so prepare yourself as needed. The army is strict! And doesn't really revolve or give time for family life...he is a soldier now, and as far as the army is concerned, that is his main priority and will be until his ETS date.

The army does offer decent benefits..not great, but better than nothing in my opinion. The army also offers a steady career, which is very hard to find these days, so that is another plus. Just one word of advice...advice that helped me deal with the life of an army wife....NEVER let your guard down, and never settle down, because as soon as you do, you will be having to ship off to another state, another base, new people, new life. And it happens often.

I am wishing you the best of luck! And great honors to your boyfriend for serving our country so bravely. Keep your chin up, and don't let anything about the army drag you down.

[lilmummy]

Hey I have not gone through this type of thing as i live in New Zealand and we don't have that type of problem, I know how you feel tho having spent all day with him and now hes not goin to be around, my fiance didnt work for a while and i got use to having him around and been able to have the support. Does the army know thats your pregnant ? becuase regardless they should let him home in time for the birth of his baby and to support you.

If you need to talk i come on here every couple of hours or so and your more than welcome 2 PM me. And try not to stress to much as its  not good for either you or the baby.

xx