Please do not judge me.

[Finnz]

Please do not judge me. On Wednesday, August 19, 2009, I got back with my long time boyfriend and we had sex, The next day we broke up. On Friday and Saturday I went out with another guy. We had sex Saturday, August 22. Couple of weeks later when I did not menstruate, I went to the doctor for a pregnancy test. It was negative. Few weeks later it was positive. My due date was May 15, 2010. During the intervening days, the relationship with the second guy got serious. When I found out I was pregnant we moved in together. We are now engaged. I now have a 14 month old daughter. When she was born and as an infant she looked like my family. As she is getting older, to me she is starting to look like my ex boyfriend, especially around her mouth. She also has ears that stick out (identical to my ex’s ears). However, my fiancé’s mother’s ears stick out so no one from his family thinks anything is amiss, His parents, sister and brother dote on my daughter,. What I am trying to ascertain is how my fiancé might find out that Lily is not his daughter. Is there any way other than through blood work and DNA sampling?

[sweetpea03]

I think you missed what people are telling you. You really NEED to have a DNA test done because it is important to know who the real father is. I stated before that you need to know medical history for her, so if the ex is the father, you would need to know that. His medical history is different than your fiance's medical history and if you don't know who the dad is then you don't know what your daughter is susceptible to. There may be something that runs in the family and you'll miss it if you don't know who her real dad is.

Also, try to put yourself in your fiance's position. You think this is your daughter, and your fiancee is lying to your face about sleeping with an ex in the beginning of your relationship. You treat her like your own, only to find out that she might possibly not be yours and your fiancee has  essentially trapped you in marriage through a bunch of lies. How does that sound to you? Sound like someone you want to stay married to? Just because you are married, does not mean he has to stay with you. The truth will come out sooner or later, so it is always best to tell the truth and be open with your partner. This is the man you will marry and you can't tell him the truth? What does that say about your relationship? You are setting your relationship up for failure if you can't be open and honest with your fiance right now.

Not only are you putting your daughter's health at risk, but you are putting your future marriage at risk, because if I were him, I would divorce you after finding this out, that you couldn't just tell me in the beginning what was going on and I would say he will do the same as in divorcing you. The truth will eventually come out, so you can either come clean now and get the DNA test or he can find out later and it will be 10 times worse. It's up to you. Good luck.  

[dtravis87]

looks have nothing to do wih any of it considering both my older brother and myself look nothing like our mom or dad but i look identical to my half sister and my brother looks identical to our half brother so you can base anything on that and dont you think its wong to start your marriage out on a lie? and you yourself said that you werent sure if the two of you would even be together if you hadnt found out you were pregnant so wouldnt you rather he is with you because he loves you not with you because he feels like he has to be......marriages like that dont last and I am not trying to sound rude or mean or anything like that but when my dad married his first wife it was because of he got her pregnant and yea they were married for about 6 yrs and then he had enough of staying in a marriage with someone he felt he had to be married to and he left her and the 2 kids and he hasnt had any contact with them in at least 21yrs and he has never met the 3 grandchildren he has..... so would you rather you just dont ever tell you future husband and hope he stays and never finds out (since you said your family has made comments he might start to do a little digging on his own) or would you rather you tell him and start an honest relationship with him and work thru it like adults....because if she is his then he will probably be happy you were at least honest enough to tell him and if shes not at least you were honest enough to tell him and it doesnt mean he will leave......and as for the blood types all being the same thats not enough for medical history because there are alot of things that are genetic and if your daughter (heaven forbid) was to come down with a life threatening illness that could have been caught and maybe save her life if you knew for sure who her biological father is wouldnt you feel terrible knowing you could have saved her but basically chose not to because you ddnt want to make your future husband mad.....

[marisol_jose]

I personally would NEVER be able to hide anything from my husband especially if I had doubts that my baby wasn't his.

That's not fair that your keeping it from him I mean its possible that it may not be your ex's but honestly how could you live comfterable lnowing you slept with 2 men around the time you got pregnant.

I am not trying to be mean or sound Rude its just how I feel . Plus you came on here for advice and opinions so that's what your getting back.

I hope that you can find closure to this so you can finally relax and live a happy marriage with your soon to be husband.

Goodluck to you.

[Finnz]

@ Clysta

You said just looking similar to someone doesn't tell anything. That you look NOTHING like your biological father. I also look nothing like my biological dad. However, I do not resemble my mother's husband because we are not related biologically. I said that my daughter resembled my ex boyfriend; she also looks nothing like my fiance. There is a difference. If she is not related biologically to my ex why would she look like him. But after talking to everyone on this site - I have decided two things. First, that it is all my imagination and secondly, that I am not telling anyone. She is my fiance's daughter!

[Finnz]

Alright I did leave out some information. I started seeing my fiance on the 15th of August. got back with my ex on the 18/19th and hooked up with my fiance on the 22th. So was sort of seeing the two at the one time.

So what I am reading is that she could resemble my ex around the mouth and it not mean anything.

I lucked out with the blood type because we are all the same.

I have no intention of telling my fiance, now and most likely not after we are married. Getting a DNA test would not change that fact. Maybe after we have our own child, I will mention the possibility. Not sure about that but we will see. We are getting married next July, and plan to have another child soon after.

I have no contact with my ex, though my mother, her husband, step brother. step sister, and sister do. They have never mentioned a resemblence between my daughter and my ex, so maybe I am imaging all of this. I am glad I have told someone, it has taken a load of my shoulders.

[smjmekg]

PS...you slept with the other guy before you and your fiance got together, so I don't understand why it's a big deal? Just tell him that you had a one night stand and it's been bugging you, that you don't want to hurt him but you just need to know the truth.