Military wives/moms

[smjmekg]

I need help ladies...DH is gone for 16 more days, and I let Elijah talk to Daddy tonight on the phone. He then went to the baby gate in front of our bedroom door and said Daddy, Daddy, Daddy and started crying cause Daddy wasn't there...he's only 19, almost 20 months old, and this is only for 17 days total...what am I going to do when he deploys? How am I supposed to tell my baby boy Daddy won't be home for 7 months or a year? I'm crying as I write this cause it broke my heart to see Elijah standing there crying cause his Daddy wasn't there...

[Grandmatobe]

Look into using Skype (google it on the internet).  It is a free download service.  Also, using a camera on your computer might help the baby by seeing and talking live to his daddy when he is gone.  I don't envy your situation when the time comes, but he will adjust.  Good luck.

[Estee_Marie]

My husband and I are both Marines.  And yes, this is my first.  But I've been through a deployment with my husband so I know how hard it can be  just when it's you.  I know it'll be a thousand times harder with the baby!  My best advice to you, is to talk to your baby.  I know he probably wont understand, but kids are really smart!  Tell him daddy has to go to work.  And like I said above, make sure there's lots of pictures and even videos.  Also,  now a days, depending where we get deployed to, there's computers everywhere and most of them have webcams, so that should be a good tool to use.  And in my opinion, you should let him talk to daddy everytime he calls!  But that's just me.  
You might want to look into this, but most bases have programs that will help you with this!  How to cope and how to explain to your kids what's going on.  Take advantage of those classes!  They are free!  =)
I know it's hard, but if you ever want to talk, I'm here!

[wantinajellybean]

I was a daddy's girl! I had a hard time when he would go out to sea especially since when I was born he had shore duty. I would scream out the window, "I want my daddy"  I was probably around five when that happened. But that was when he first started to leave for long periods of time.  He wrote letters, sent pictures, and we did the same and it actually helped me.  Maybe your hubby could do a video before he leaves again, maybe reading him a story, or telling him good night?  I'm sure that seeing his face and hearing his voice might be able to help him.  My mom still talks about how it broke her heart for me to miss my dad so much.  I think eventually, he will adjust, but it is hard at his age.  I will be keeping you in my thoughts and pray the days go by fast for you!

~Kim

[smjmekg]

What branch are you? I saw on your profile that you're pregnant, is it your first? They're all great ideas I just don't know how much of it Elijah will understand, he's only almost 20 months (on the 2nd of March he'll be 20 months). Then when he gets older and has so many questions, like why does Daddy have to leave? What do I say? I never thought it would be this hard because when Josh got sent to Korea I was 7 months pregnant, he came home for Elijah's birth (scheduled c-section) and was with us until Elijah was two weeks old exactly. Then I moved to Korea when Elijah turned 6 months, and Elijah never noticed Daddy was gone, he didn't really know who he was to miss him, now that he's been with Daddy for over a year, he does know and I can tell he wants his Daddy...how do you explain it to a 20 month old? He says Daddy every day and I keep saying he isn't home, or he's at work, and Elijah still says Daddy. I don't know if I should let him talk to him again until Josh is gone when he's older and understands...it just upsets him right now.

[Estee_Marie]

I think Tobbeyj's idea is great!  I am in the military and so is my husband.  We know that at some point one of us will have to go somewhere and not be there.  Pictures are really good, and so are videos!  Have your husband do a video just telling Elijah how much he loves and misses him!  It'll mean a lot to Elijah for years to come!  He can also write letters that you can read to him and in the future keep.  
Doing art and drawing is also a great idea not just for Elijah but for you too!
God bless!

[smjmekg]

Thanks, I made sure he didn't see me crying, I broke down on the phone with Josh which I'm sure didn't make him feel any better...then I went outside for a few minutes so I could collect myself before putting Elijah in bed. This really $UCK$.

[tobbeyj]

I am sorry you are going through this. I cant imagine the heart break it is. I am a military wife, but with no children yet. I think I will have photos of daddy available for baby when daddy is gone. We will always talk about daddy and hopefully he will be able to call when he is away. We will do art for daddy and do what we can to think about him while he is gone. I think all you can do now for you little Elijah is to remind him that daddy loves him and that he will be home soon. Stay strong though. You dont want Elijah seeing you struggling as he will also struggle with it. Good Luck. I hope the next 16 days fly by for you. Hugs.