OT- BABY SHOWER DILEMMA

[mamaof4410]

Ok so I know this is really off topic but I really trust the opinions of you ladies!

I want to have a baby shower and DH told me to start palnning everything. I would really like to have it at a Bill Miller's restaurant (I LOVE their food! lol) but DH is pushing to have it at our house. I have a big house and an even bigger yard so space is not an issue. But the thing is I don't want to have it at home because NO ONE helps clean up afterwards. When I go to any of our families get togethers I'm the one that stays after to help with the clean up. I don't mean friends helping just immediate family (my mom, his mom) get stuck with all of the mess. And his sister and his one brother make me mad because they will come and eat but won't even bring a gift. They do this at my kids birthdays to. And his sister will take 2 and 3 plates home with her! I'm like the money I spent on the food I couldv'e went out and bought myself a gift! It's not even the gift part that gets me, it's the courtesy of not doing the multiple plate thing!
I want to have it at the restaurant so I'm not doing all of the cleaning alone but I also don't want his family showing up empty handed because it's free barbque! They did this at my son's 5th birthday at Chuck-E-Cheese. I didn't even invite them and word of mouth they showed up with all 7 of their kids and DH and I got stuck buying more pizza and tokens because they were broke. They basically came because it was a free good time!
Am I being over dramatic or do I have a point?? I haven't said anything to DH about how I feel since it is his siblings that do this. I just need some advice before I start doing this. PLEASE HELP!!

[mamaof4410]

Im just planning it. My mother-in-law and DH are paying for it. I like doing the planning. It's not that that bothers me. I basically have everything I need, DH has been buying little by little. But your absolutely right the money DH is going to be out on food, decorations etc. I could go out and buy anything else I might need. You know what you just changed my mind completely. I'm not going to have one. Im going to make a little list of the couple things I still need and that's it!  My sis in law is having hers on may 22nd and theyre doing at her house (my brother in law that so rudely shows up) maybe I should go and take my kids and let them make a mess and not bring a gift! Ok no that wouldn't be right but it was felt kinda good to think about going with no responsibilities the way they do me!

[amandamae1126]

Well, someone else should be throwing you a baby shower - not you planning a party for yourself. It seems the cost of hosting a party could be better used to buy things for the baby. Typically, the point of a baby shower is to welcome the new bundle and to help mom and dad with the expense of the new baby. Throwing a party for yourself is not going to help either of those objectives.

Now, if you hold it at a restraunt, who is paying for food? Are you expecting everyone to pay for thier own food? If so, it sounds like you will end up paying for his siblings' food anyways.

I would suggest hosting a party a few weeks after baby comes if you just want everyone to come and welcome the new one. If you are really in need of gifts and baby items, then allowing someone else to host the shower helps to deal with these issues and saves you money from having to host the party yourself.

And I don't think that you are being over dramatic about his family not helping and in fact causing you to spend more money for THEM to have a good time. It's very fustrating when people don't do their fair share. But maybe I'm old fashioned thinking that moms should not host their own party...some of my sisters and friends wanted to host their own baby shower too. Is that becoming more of the norm today?

[superchoc]

Everyone has family members like this. Being pregnant, everyone should be bending over backwards for you. Maybe ask your husband to do all the food prep and cleaning up, see how he likes the idea. If he cleaned up afterwards he will be angry that it is all left to him. Having it at a restaurant will cost more although it is no mess to clean up or food to prepare. If his siblings are really tight, no matter where you have the baby shower they will not bring anything. Do whatever is less stress and would make you happy, after all it is a day of celebrating your new arrival :) xo