Aa
To be or not to be...a SAHM...
Ok, so the last couple of days I've been home with Gabe becuase he's been sick. (upper resperatory infection) It's got me thinking (again) about wanting to be a sahm. DH and I talked about it awhile back, he was agreeable to it, *I* chose not to becuase a) i love my job and b) I just wasn't sure we could afford it. Well here I am a few months later considering it again. Here are the reasons pros and cons I'm toying with:
Cons to quitting my job:
-I have a GREAT job, I love it, i work for great people who are understanding, it's a steady paycheck pays pretty good for around here.
-I would get less adult interaction (i have no friends around here)
-we have a lot less "whatever" money
-if DH and I were to have problems again, I wouldn't have a job to fall back on
-I'm afraid DH is going to fall back to how he was years ago when i was a sahm and tell me that i wasn't contributing my part becuase I wasn't working.
-if DH were to lose his job or have hours cut we'd be screwed (not that my job would cover the bills by any means but it would be something)
Pros to staying home:
-I would be raising my kids, not someone else (Gabe acts like *I* am the babysitter and his daycare teacher is his mama :( it breaks my heart)
-I wouldn't have to tell my kids "no I can't come to that function becuase I have to work"
-I would have more time during the day to take care of house work, laundry etc so I could use the evenings and weekends to spend with my family instead of rushing around likea mad woman
-I would have more time to cook healthy, sit down, family meals instead of scrambling to scrape up some microwaveable junk at 7 at night
-I could finish a number of the "home improvement" projects we've started and just left on the house
I know it looks like the pros should outweight cons becuase it would create a happier, healthier home for my kids....but I can't help but think about the what if's....
I've gone through our budget ...if I quit...that cuts out daycare, a little bit of gas (i'd still have to drive kids to school), and the cost of eating out for lunch, plus work clothes. On DH's pay we could cover the bills, food, gas, misc, a little savings and have a SMIDGE (like $30-$50 a week) left over for "whatever". So it would really cut back our "lifestyle" so to speak, not that we live lavishly...but we do eat out a lot...but staying home I would have more time to cook so we could cut that out.
I'm really torn here. What would you guys do or have you done? I've been at this job 3 years and the people I work for have done SOOOO much for me. They are like a second family to me. I'd really feel guilty leavin there, but I also feel like my family is suffering from me always being so frantic and never having any extra time.
Cons to quitting my job:
-I have a GREAT job, I love it, i work for great people who are understanding, it's a steady paycheck pays pretty good for around here.
-I would get less adult interaction (i have no friends around here)
-we have a lot less "whatever" money
-if DH and I were to have problems again, I wouldn't have a job to fall back on
-I'm afraid DH is going to fall back to how he was years ago when i was a sahm and tell me that i wasn't contributing my part becuase I wasn't working.
-if DH were to lose his job or have hours cut we'd be screwed (not that my job would cover the bills by any means but it would be something)
Pros to staying home:
-I would be raising my kids, not someone else (Gabe acts like *I* am the babysitter and his daycare teacher is his mama :( it breaks my heart)
-I wouldn't have to tell my kids "no I can't come to that function becuase I have to work"
-I would have more time during the day to take care of house work, laundry etc so I could use the evenings and weekends to spend with my family instead of rushing around likea mad woman
-I would have more time to cook healthy, sit down, family meals instead of scrambling to scrape up some microwaveable junk at 7 at night
-I could finish a number of the "home improvement" projects we've started and just left on the house
I know it looks like the pros should outweight cons becuase it would create a happier, healthier home for my kids....but I can't help but think about the what if's....
I've gone through our budget ...if I quit...that cuts out daycare, a little bit of gas (i'd still have to drive kids to school), and the cost of eating out for lunch, plus work clothes. On DH's pay we could cover the bills, food, gas, misc, a little savings and have a SMIDGE (like $30-$50 a week) left over for "whatever". So it would really cut back our "lifestyle" so to speak, not that we live lavishly...but we do eat out a lot...but staying home I would have more time to cook so we could cut that out.
I'm really torn here. What would you guys do or have you done? I've been at this job 3 years and the people I work for have done SOOOO much for me. They are like a second family to me. I'd really feel guilty leavin there, but I also feel like my family is suffering from me always being so frantic and never having any extra time.
Thanks.
DH makes a good bit...he works overtime everyweek anywhere from 1 hr to 17 hrs depending. his paychecks are weekly and anywhere from $590 to $700 AFTER taxes, plus he gets $500 a month from the VA. On average he brings home about $3200 a month. I only bring home around $1,400 to $1,500. Out of my pay comes daycare approx $700, extra gas for work, approx $50 more per month, eating out for lunch $175/mo, so that right there cuts what we ACTUALLY make from my job down to about $575/month. Then we eat out for dinner a lot or buy the more expensive microwave meals becuase I don' thave time to cook....so that takes up a good $3 - 400 a month. (family of 6 eating out is anywhere from $30-$60 each time depending on where we go)
So being able to cut all that out pretty much covers what we would lose. We do have an $1100 mortgage (including taxes and insurance) but I sat down and reworked our budget (i keep an excel spreadsheet of bills/paydays etc) and I figured that if DH works his minimum hours 1 week and works an extra day the opposite week (he works alternating schedules every other week and has the option of working an extra day on his short weeks) then we could cover all bills, allot for gas and food/incidentals, pay my oldest her allowance and still be able to put $100-$200 in savings MOST months and still have $30-$100 (depending on the month) left over each payday for "whatever". Then in february when we pay off the loan with our tax refund that will add another $255 to our budget every month.
If I stayed home I could cut our grocery bill by having time to price compare and clip coupons...possibly get a membership to sams club and make a trip (an hour away) every 2 weeks or so.
DH also wants to try and get a few yards that he can cut each month for some extra money. I'd like to find different work at home type jobs....but I don't know where to look. I was thinking about maybe selling some things on Ebay....like custom pacifier clips....I made some for DS last year and they turned out really cute. I also thought about customized party invitations...i made the kids this year and they turned out GREAT and eveyrone loved them.
I already cut costs by buying most of our clothes at thrift stores or from clearance racks.
I'm still going over our budget and playing out different scenarios to see....I'm also trying to decice if I DO decide to stay home..what kind of notice I'd want to put in at work...just the typical 2 weeks or a month or 6 weeks. That way they could find someone and I could train them.
DH makes a good bit...he works overtime everyweek anywhere from 1 hr to 17 hrs depending. his paychecks are weekly and anywhere from $590 to $700 AFTER taxes, plus he gets $500 a month from the VA. On average he brings home about $3200 a month. I only bring home around $1,400 to $1,500. Out of my pay comes daycare approx $700, extra gas for work, approx $50 more per month, eating out for lunch $175/mo, so that right there cuts what we ACTUALLY make from my job down to about $575/month. Then we eat out for dinner a lot or buy the more expensive microwave meals becuase I don' thave time to cook....so that takes up a good $3 - 400 a month. (family of 6 eating out is anywhere from $30-$60 each time depending on where we go)
So being able to cut all that out pretty much covers what we would lose. We do have an $1100 mortgage (including taxes and insurance) but I sat down and reworked our budget (i keep an excel spreadsheet of bills/paydays etc) and I figured that if DH works his minimum hours 1 week and works an extra day the opposite week (he works alternating schedules every other week and has the option of working an extra day on his short weeks) then we could cover all bills, allot for gas and food/incidentals, pay my oldest her allowance and still be able to put $100-$200 in savings MOST months and still have $30-$100 (depending on the month) left over each payday for "whatever". Then in february when we pay off the loan with our tax refund that will add another $255 to our budget every month.
If I stayed home I could cut our grocery bill by having time to price compare and clip coupons...possibly get a membership to sams club and make a trip (an hour away) every 2 weeks or so.
DH also wants to try and get a few yards that he can cut each month for some extra money. I'd like to find different work at home type jobs....but I don't know where to look. I was thinking about maybe selling some things on Ebay....like custom pacifier clips....I made some for DS last year and they turned out really cute. I also thought about customized party invitations...i made the kids this year and they turned out GREAT and eveyrone loved them.
I already cut costs by buying most of our clothes at thrift stores or from clearance racks.
I'm still going over our budget and playing out different scenarios to see....I'm also trying to decice if I DO decide to stay home..what kind of notice I'd want to put in at work...just the typical 2 weeks or a month or 6 weeks. That way they could find someone and I could train them.
I have been a SAHM for 4 1/2 years and it has its ups and downs. I love being home with my children and being able to see them grow up (you will never be able to go back and see them grow up again), BUT I have to say it is the HARDEST job in the world, and I don't care what anyone says. There are no breaks and everything relies on you. Sometimes when my children are driving me crazy, I imagine how it would be if I could just go back to work......but then I think about all the day care expenses and it's not worth it. My paychecks would just go to daycare. So I decided to stay home instead. I have two childen under the age of five and one on the way so going back to work is not an option for me until the new baby is in school which will be in five years. As long as you keep saying to yourself it's not a permanent thing and you will eventually go back to work, I think you will be fine. I would defintely go for it as I know you will NOT regret it. It is worth it because your children will have you there for them, and when they get sick you dont have to worry to take off from work everytime. Like I said it has its ups and downs. I hope you make the right decision for you and your family. Good Luck!!!!!
I have a book to recommend...Chicken Soup for the Soul Power Moms. I've been getting tired of being a SAHM, and I bought it and started reading it. It's got stories from both sides working and SAH moms...it made me feel bad actually because I know I should be grateful for not having to work and being able to stay at home. It may make your decision easier, not sure...but it's a good book either way. Look at it this way, when your kids are older you can go back to work, maybe even the same place...but the memories you get when you're a SAHM, and the "firsts" or the "really cute" or "really funny" things you miss...there's no amount of money or joy from working that can make up for it. DH didn't see the first six months of DS except the first two weeks after he was born, and looking back at all DH missed...I wouldn't work if you made me. There's just so much you can never get back. Life's too short, if you can survive on one paycheck, I say do it!
I'm not really private about our income. But we are a family of four (soon-to-be five) plus one furbaby (cat) and our income is less than 28K, before taxes.
We make do and I think you can too!!!
We make do and I think you can too!!!
Grandmatobe: my older 3 are in school so that just leaves the 1 yo during the day....and he's usually pretty content to play in his little play area so long as he sees me every couple of minutes :)
Joy: Thanks, if I decide to do this, I may be nagging you for pointers, suggestions and advice lol. The last time I was a sahm we were on a military base in Okinawa, Japan and our housing was free so we had plenty of extra money. This time will be a bit different becuase we have a whopping mortgage and other bills so we would definately have to crack down and be frugal.
I brought the subject up to DH last night briefly...I didn't go into major detail becuase I still haven't made MY mind up what I want to do.....he seems to be agreeable to it. I did mention to him that I was afriad that making him the sole breadwinner would put a lot more stress on him....but he said he's not worried about that...he doesn't mind work extra hours. So, we'll see!
Joy: Thanks, if I decide to do this, I may be nagging you for pointers, suggestions and advice lol. The last time I was a sahm we were on a military base in Okinawa, Japan and our housing was free so we had plenty of extra money. This time will be a bit different becuase we have a whopping mortgage and other bills so we would definately have to crack down and be frugal.
I brought the subject up to DH last night briefly...I didn't go into major detail becuase I still haven't made MY mind up what I want to do.....he seems to be agreeable to it. I did mention to him that I was afriad that making him the sole breadwinner would put a lot more stress on him....but he said he's not worried about that...he doesn't mind work extra hours. So, we'll see!
Look at it this way: I can always get a job later in life... but I CANNOT get back my childrens' childhood. Enjoy your kids while you can. We don't have extra money for anything and we always have fun (find free things to do around town), my kids never suffer or want. It's just a matter of living below your means by choice.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
