To be or not to be...a SAHM...

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Ok, so the last couple of days I've been home with Gabe becuase he's been sick.  (upper resperatory infection)  It's got me thinking (again) about wanting to be a sahm.  DH and I talked about it awhile back, he was agreeable to it, *I* chose not to becuase a) i love my job and b) I just wasn't sure we could afford it.   Well here I am a few months later considering it again.  Here are the reasons pros and cons I'm toying with:
Cons to quitting my job:
-I have a GREAT job, I love it, i work for great people who are understanding, it's a steady paycheck pays pretty good for around here.
-I would get less adult interaction (i have no friends around here)
-we have a lot less "whatever" money
-if DH and I were to have problems again, I wouldn't have a job to fall back on
-I'm afraid DH is going to fall back to how he was years ago when i was a sahm and tell me that i wasn't contributing my part becuase I wasn't working.  
-if DH were to lose his job or have hours cut we'd be screwed (not that my job would cover the bills by any means but it would be something)

Pros to staying home:
-I would be raising my kids, not someone else (Gabe acts like *I* am the babysitter and his daycare teacher is his mama :(  it breaks my heart)
-I wouldn't have to tell my kids "no I can't come to that function becuase I have to work"
-I would have more time during the day to take care of house work, laundry etc so I could use the evenings and weekends to spend with my family instead of rushing around likea  mad woman
-I would have more time to cook healthy, sit down, family meals instead of scrambling to scrape up some microwaveable junk at 7 at night
-I could finish a number of the "home improvement" projects we've started and just left on the house

I know it looks like the pros should outweight cons becuase it would create a happier, healthier home for my kids....but I can't help but think about the what if's....

I've gone through our budget ...if I quit...that cuts out daycare, a little bit of gas (i'd still have to drive kids to school), and the cost of eating out for lunch, plus work clothes.  On DH's pay we could cover the bills, food, gas, misc, a little savings and have a SMIDGE (like $30-$50 a week) left over for "whatever".  So it would really cut back our "lifestyle" so to speak, not that we live lavishly...but we do eat out a lot...but staying home I would have more time to cook so we could cut that out.  

I'm really torn here.  What would you guys do or have you done?  I've been at this job 3 years and the people I work for have done SOOOO much for me.  They are like a second family to me.  I'd really feel guilty leavin there, but I also feel like my family is suffering from me always being so frantic and never having any extra time.  

[LosingMyMindInGA]

another pro to staying home....as it is now, I am either too exhausted or don't have time to exercise...therefore I am overweight and out of shape.  If I were home I would have time to get healthier which means I would a) be able to play with my kids more b) be a happier person.

[Victoria01]

It's sounds to me like you want to stay at home, pros outweigh your cons, so I would say go for it. :)

I have been lucky to be able to work at home, but it hasn't always been that way. I hated having to leave my son when he was a baby in daycare, but at the time I didn't have any choice. I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to work or wanting to stay home, it's a personal choice for every mom. There is a lot of guilt, at least there was for me, putting my son in daycare. If your circumstances allow you to, and you think you and your family would be happier, I say stay at home.

[aly79]

i am a sahm right now cause had no daycare this past summer so i had to quit i love being at home but i do miss the time with adults as i really have NO friends here either and right now no one will hire me as i am in my last trimester of pregnancy they all have came up with some excuse so it would be hard to choose but i love being home cause it makes it a lot easier

[mamaofonetrying42]

Could you cut your hours?? Or work "as needed" like if someone calls in sick or is on Vacation?? I always think about the what ifs as well, and if you asked me 2-3years ago I would have quit my job and been a sahm. but thank god I didnt!! My Dh has been on and off  of work for 2years now, and I dont know what we would have done if i wasnt working...I would not do it, I would Def. cut my hours if I could...because you are still there and if something did happen then you could pick up more hours...You will get that adult interaction as well.....

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Well the cutting hours thing really isn't an option.  It's a small family owned construction company.  It's not like they have tons of employees....I thought about it but I don't see anywhere that my hours could be cut without hurting the company as a whole....it would be better to just get someone else to fill my shoes.  

I'd like to find something I could do from home...but I really don't know what.  I've never really had any experience with "home" jobs.  Other than babysitting.  

[bluegenie2003]

If I had the choice I would LOVE to be a sahm, but unfortunately our budget just doesn't allow for it.  DH works on commission, while I'm a teacher so have a steady paycheck, plus MUCH better health insurance benefits (a must for me because of my heart).  We've talked about him staying home, but he really wouldnt' do well without the adult contact!  But I agree with the other ladies...its really a personal thing.  Which do you think you'd regret more?

[rebekah385]

I was in the same position 6 months ago, I had a job that I loved and was really liking the fact that be and DH were actually getting paid ok for once, but I also go to college and have 3 children 1, 3, 5 . I think I was making myself sick trying to do everything. it is a really hard choice between working to bring in more income and having more time with the kid's and being able to be there for them and yourself. I ultimatly decided to stay home and go to school part-time, so that I would have time for the kid's and the house and not being trying to make meself sick trying to get everything done. It has been and adjustment finanicially we have to be very careful and follow our budget closely, we don't have very much money if any to go out, but I think it has been worth the pay off. It has also been hard because I loved my job and i have not been unemployed for more than 6 months (and then only by choice after having my first two babies and then only 2 months after baby #3), so it has been very different for me. I too do not know very many people because we moved at the same time i quit, but i am trying to get involved with a moms (a group for SAHM's) or mops (mother of preschoolers)  group for moms. good luck with whatever you decide, it is hard, but i feel I made the right decision for me.  

[Quinns momma]

I like you wanted nothing else in the world than to stay home with my baby. However with my husband being in the union trades he has frequent layoffs. I opted to transistion to a work from home position which gives me the luxury of a paycheck and still having the joy of being with my daughter.  I love it on nice days where I say heck lets go to the park for lunch or lets run errands. I can always work extra hours in the evenings or weekends to make up the time missed. Now working from home is not for everyone. It takes a lot of dedication and deterrmination to get the job done with minimal distractions. I am expecting baby #2 in 4 months and I am grateful that like his big sister he will not have to go into daycare.  

Best of luck in whatever u decide.

[nicole179]

i wish i could be a sahm, but financially it would not be possible for my family!

[sweetangel7]

I'm with nicole...unfortunately I'm the breadwinner...BUT we were able to afford for my husband to switch to a part time job so he could be a stay at home dad a few days of the week...IF I could, I would be a sahm even though I love my job and I had to work very hard to get to where I am,,,it would all be worth it to be the one who was with my child everyday!

Just be sure you can swing it financially...perhaps you could do part time work...

Good luck!  It is a SUPER tough decision!

[Grandmatobe]

I have worked my entire career and back when DH and started having children, there were extended periods when DH was the one that stayed home.  Since I had the higher paying job, it just made sense at the time.

Flash forward to 2009 - - my daughter/son-in-law/granddaughter live with DH and I, and my DH was laid off from work at the beginning of 2009 and can't find another job.  To top it off, my daughter started back to school full time, so instead of putting our granddaughter in daycare (which they can't afford anyway while she is in school), DH is taking care of her during the week.  I am taking vacation days one day a week watching her as well (to give DH a break).  Since she was born, I kept thinking how great it would be to be a stay at home grandma.  Well, by the end of the day, I am exhausted, and forget getting much done around the house.  Maybe because I'm older, but a 16 month old toddler who gets into everything, just about wears me out.

Since you have several children, it would make sense to stay home, as the cost of daycare is probably horrific.  But, taking care of everyone and getting all of the chores done, and exercising and doing projects around the house, may not be easy.  It is something to weigh....If you do decide to stay home, make some time to go visit with your friends after DH gets home, so you can keep up with those interactions.  Good luck!

[happy_mommy]

I would love to be a stay at home mom, and i think being one is a great idea!

[JoyRenee]

Look at it this way: I can always get a job later in life... but I CANNOT get back my childrens' childhood. Enjoy your kids while you can. We don't have extra money for anything and we always have fun (find free things to do around town), my kids never suffer or want. It's just a matter of living below your means by choice.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Grandmatobe:  my older 3 are in school so that just leaves the 1 yo during the day....and he's usually pretty content to play in his little play area so long as he sees me every couple of minutes :)  

Joy:  Thanks, if I decide to do this, I may be nagging you for pointers, suggestions and advice lol.  The last time I was a sahm we were on a military base in Okinawa, Japan and our housing was free so we had plenty of extra money.  This time will be a bit different becuase we have a whopping mortgage and other bills so we would definately have to crack down and be frugal.


I brought the subject up to DH last night briefly...I didn't go into major detail becuase I still haven't made MY mind up what I want to do.....he seems to be agreeable to it.  I did mention to him that I was afriad that making him the sole breadwinner would put a lot more stress on him....but he said he's not worried about that...he doesn't mind work extra hours.  So, we'll see!

[JoyRenee]

I'm not really private about our income. But we are a family of four (soon-to-be five) plus one furbaby (cat) and our income is less than 28K, before taxes.

We make do and I think you can too!!!

[smjmekg]

I have a book to recommend...Chicken Soup for the Soul Power Moms. I've been getting tired of being a SAHM, and I bought it and started reading it. It's got stories from both sides working and SAH moms...it made me feel bad actually because I know I should be grateful for not having to work and being able to stay at home. It may make your decision easier, not sure...but it's a good book either way. Look at it this way, when your kids are older you can go back to work, maybe even the same place...but the memories you get when you're a SAHM, and the "firsts" or the "really cute" or "really funny" things you miss...there's no amount of money or joy from working that can make up for it. DH didn't see the first six months of DS except the first two weeks after he was born, and looking back at all DH missed...I wouldn't work if you made me. There's just so much you can never get back. Life's too short, if you can survive on one paycheck, I say do it!

[Gerry774]

I have been a SAHM for 4 1/2 years and it has its ups and downs.  I love being home with my children and being able to see them grow up (you will never be able to go back and see them grow up again), BUT I have to say it is the HARDEST job in the world, and I don't care what anyone says.  There are no breaks and everything relies on you.  Sometimes when my children are driving me crazy, I imagine how it would be if I could just go back to work......but then I think about all the day care expenses and it's not worth it.  My paychecks would just go to daycare.  So I decided to stay home instead.  I have two childen under the age of five and one on the way so going back to work is not an option for me until the new baby is in school which will be in five years.  As long as you keep saying to yourself it's not a permanent thing and you will eventually go back to work, I think you will be fine.  I would defintely go for it as I know you will NOT regret it.  It is worth it because your children will have you there for them, and when they get sick you dont have to worry to take off from work everytime.  Like I said it has its ups and downs.  I hope you make the right decision for you and your family.  Good Luck!!!!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Thanks.  

DH makes a good bit...he works overtime everyweek anywhere from 1 hr to 17 hrs depending.  his paychecks are weekly and anywhere from $590 to $700 AFTER taxes, plus he gets $500 a month from the VA.  On average he brings home about $3200 a month.  I only bring home around $1,400 to $1,500.  Out of my pay comes daycare approx $700, extra gas for work, approx $50 more per month, eating out for lunch $175/mo, so that right there cuts what we ACTUALLY make from my job down to about $575/month.  Then we eat out for dinner a lot or buy the more expensive microwave meals becuase I don' thave time to cook....so that takes up a good $3 - 400 a month.  (family of 6 eating out is anywhere from $30-$60 each time depending on where we go)

So being able to cut all that out pretty much covers what we would lose.  We do have an $1100 mortgage (including taxes and insurance)  but I sat down and reworked our budget (i keep an excel spreadsheet of bills/paydays etc)  and I figured that if DH works his minimum hours 1 week and works an extra day the opposite week (he works alternating schedules every other week and has the option of working an extra day on his short weeks) then we could cover all bills, allot for gas and food/incidentals, pay my oldest her allowance and still be able to put $100-$200 in savings MOST months and still have $30-$100 (depending on the month) left over each payday for "whatever".  Then in february when we pay off the loan with our tax refund that will add another $255 to our budget every month.  

If I stayed home I could cut our grocery bill by having time to price compare and clip coupons...possibly get a membership to sams club and make a trip (an hour away) every 2 weeks or so.  

DH also wants to try and get a few yards that he can cut each month for some extra money.  I'd like to find different work at home type jobs....but I don't know where to look.  I was thinking about maybe selling some things on Ebay....like custom pacifier clips....I made some for DS last year and they turned out really cute.  I also thought about customized party invitations...i made the kids this year and they turned out GREAT and eveyrone loved them.  

I already cut costs by buying most of our clothes at thrift stores or from clearance racks.  

I'm still going over our budget and playing out different scenarios to see....I'm also trying to decice if I DO decide to stay home..what kind of notice I'd want to put in at work...just the typical 2 weeks or a month or 6 weeks.  That way they could find someone and I could train them.

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I thoroughly enjoyed it when I did it before.  I miss being able to attend all the school functions, help with class activities, make things for the class.  I miss being able to spread out doing laundry rather than trying to cram 15 loads in one day (6 people make a LOT of laundry), I miss being able to have TIME to cook, time to clean the house, time to read or do my crafts.  

The last couple of days with Gabe I've realized how little I know him....he's been in daycare since he was 6 weeks old.  In the evenings and weekends I'm so rushed to get everthing else done I don't have much time to just sit and spend with him.  :(

[mrspookie]

Ok, I voted "that's a tough one".  I feel on one hand that you should have the freedom to be a SAHM.  On the other hand, you all would really be pinching pennies and for you to say that if your husband's hours got cut or something that you would have a very difficult time covering the bills points me to advise this.  I think that, and this is me, I think you should tough it out for a while.  Redo your budget to penny pinch for the next 6 months to a year or so.  See how much penny pinching will help build up a good savings to cover bills while you would be home from work.  This is a good starting point.  I can understand your feelings of wanting to stay home with your children but you have to kind of think about you all and your finances.  I can only imagine how hard of a decision this is but it sounds like your husband is behind you in whatever decision that is.  You really should sit down and really have some numbers and figures laid out so you can see concretely how this will affect you all in the present and the future.  Hope this helps.

[mrspookie]

Ok, I just read just the first paragraph about your finances.  Forget everything I just typed because YOU CAN be a SAHM.  Honey I can give you a couple of ideas on some easy dinner stuff so you won't have to eat out like you do.  Eating out not only is a budget buster but it doesn't help the pounds either.  Girl, girl, girl,  ... lol   You can SO be a SAHM!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

LOL!!! I'm starting to lean more towards SAHM.  I've thought about my job and how they are getting stricter about things since they are growing and getting more work.  This will interfere with me needing time off for my kids functions/illnesses/appts etc.  unless they make exceptions for me, but then that wouldn't be fair to the other employees.  I'm also very burnt out and overwhelmed right now.  I lay in bed at night desperately trying to turn my mind off....it goes back and forth between work stuff and home stuff.  Drives me nuts!

I've also thought about the savings thing.  As I said I sat down with our budget and crunched numbers.  I did a budget for every month from oct to april 2010....there was only one month (december) where we wouldn't be able to put any money aside (due to christmas) .  Then like I said, we will pay off a loan...that adds $255 to the budget.  Plus we will be able to put up 1 to 2 thousand for savings.  ( With 4 kids and eic we get pretty good tax returns)  

I really think we could manage it...I think the hardest part for me is that I'm scared of the change....while it would be a GOOD change any change is still scary....i've been working this same job for 3 years and a couple of months.  This might sound crazy but if it were any OTHER job that paid the same amount or less I'd have quit in a heartbeat.  I think I feel a little guilty about leaving them becuase they've been so good to me, but I have to remind myself that I will feel even more guilty about missing out on my kids childhoods

[mrspookie]

I think you should shoot for after Christmas then since you have children to get gifts for.  I wish you much luck and know that God will provide for you.  He won't close a door without opening another one.  Best wishes sugar!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

Thanks.. Christmas is pretty much covered tho.  DH gets a bonus the first of December that covers stuff for the kids. :)