he says he doesnt want the responsibility

[nurseLizzy]

me and my guy( w.e u wanna call him we arent b.f g.f)  have been together close to a year... and are so very extremely great together. . We've talked about the future our plans. He tells me how he wanted me to be his children's mother.... ( he has non and will be 30 this year)  I have 1 she'll be 8... and said the only thing in the way is her.because he doesnt wanna raise another mans kid...  he loves me etc im his world... Blah blah... is he just scared??? Insecure? Afraid of messing up.. shes a child not a alien...? ? Ive never felt this way with any man in my life. . i love him whole heartedly but he wont commit how I need him to. ..to top it off.. He will never have to deal with my daughters dad .. or that drama because he will NEVER be in her life... ever... and my daughter adores my ''guy"... should I let him go and say good bye..throw it away?? Or will he come around.... if he loves me.. wouldn't he want a part of her too?? And I might be pregnant. .. :-/ what do I do..

[nurseLizzy]

♡♥♡u ladies thank u so much! !!

[MomsDoItBetter]

If a man loves you fareal, he will accept your child too. I wish a man would tell me that my daughter not his responsibility. He can kick rocks. He suppose to accept your child too & step up & play the father role being that she already dont have her father in her life.  I personally wouldn't give him the time of the day. A man wouldn't even say that. A man know that being with someone who already have a child, he is suppose to step up & be a father figure.

[rebeccaann11]

I personally don't think you should give Him the time of today. If he isnt willing to accept your daughter why would you want him around her? If i was you, I would just focused on you when your daughter and wouldn't worry about him. Just do what's best for your daughter and don't worry about him. He's a 30 year old man. He has already made his mind.

[bama_mama]

Yes def tell him that, and yea it hurts but if you dont do this now you wont ever do it and later on you and your daughter will have a terrible relationship bc she will know you chose a man like this to be in her life and it ruined yalls relationship and she will resent you for it

[nurseLizzy]

You're absolutely right @bama..  . I do hope deep down inside it will change but the reality of it.  Not likely. . And she will always win hands down.... kick him to the curb huh ladies? ?!! .. .. ok . Give me couple days. . I gotta get my stuff from him next time I work....   ..so just tell him look it's either both of US or NOTHIN! !! ... my heart is already sinking farther into my tummy.. n ♡♥♡ .. thank y'all for the support And words.    Any more input im very open! !

[bama_mama]

What do you do? NOTHING! you cannot live your life like hes a permanent part of it. Live your life day to day for you and your daughter and dont allow him to be a permanent part of now or future plans. You keep saying you hope he changes but its not going to happen. You say you hope your pregnant and you dont care if hes wants to be apart of it but you do, you wont admit it but your still hoping your pregnant bc deep down you still think it will make him open his eyes and see that hes got the perfect family right there and think thats where he should have been all along but please just stop and think about the reality of it.

And listen to us, your daughter comes first. Stop saying your cunfused and stop asking what do you do and how do you let someone go bc the answer is right there in your face...your daughter is how you let him go. You ARE capable of turning off your feelings and love for this man bc the love for your daughter is stronger. Go ahead right now and start making yourself think and believe its either him or your daughter, you can only chose one basically so kick him to the curb, he wont like it and he will do everything he can to play he mind games but oh well, your daughters future depends on this

[nurseLizzy]

You ladies are very helpful... and your words mean so much your all very smart and all have your experiences .. so appreciative ! !  I really feel he is selfish. .... and i dont wanna believe his fables.... .. its kind of sick... I hope everyday he changes... th at he will accept all of us.... and I do still hope I'm pregnant . .. idc of hes here or not ... ues I want him here. And girls just so u know.... i dont feel any of you are being rude or judgemental .. im asking for any and all input... and I appreciate it.  I want himnto change but in also know that my wishes and wants will remain empty and his words and actions show nore by the day... its hurtful... ..

So.. how do I do it?? Im going to wiat until I find out about baby then go from there. ..

As for now. :-) its a good day... im at my 2nd full Tim job lol syill havent slept. . But getting my 2 nd wind...  then home get mine and babies nails done. Take her to the park... then back to work at 6.....  and church in the morning with her...after all of this heart ache and sadness.... she is my sunshine and always brings me so much joy.... its a shame hes so selfish and is gonna throw away an amazing family.... :-/....

[jaysmom26]

I agree with all the ladies you need to just stop making excuses for him you need to protect your daughter from getting hurt. If you are pregnant its only going to be worse for your daughter, because like he said she's in the way. How could you still be with someone who told you your own flesh and blood is your only problem? I'm sorry im not trying to sound mean but please think about your daughter, there's other guys out there who will love you and your daughter as a package deal.

@Nellyzz of course you can't expect anyone to help raise another person's child but when you are with someone with kids and have know from the start than that's a different story. If he/she plans to be around for long term than yes they need to want to have a relationship with that child. If they love their significant other than they should love everything about them including that child. The kids did not ask to be born nor did they pick their parents. So why should they pay the price their parents chose the wrong partner to create life? Its really sad that your ok being with a man thatcuts ties with his kids because his ex is drama. Even worse that you said on another post that all he's ever wanted was kids because he doesn't have any. So now your just pretending they don't exist?

[LIVIredhead]

Ur kid comes first. If your pregnant tell him its a package deal!

[Amy1830]

In my opinion this guy sounds selfish and immature. If he didn't want to raise your child with you then he never should have started a relationship with you. How could he look at your child as "someone else's" when they are your kid, and a person isn't defined by who their parents are anyway. She's her own person and just because her biological dad isn't him doesn't mean that he should be prejudiced against her. What does he plan on doing? Carrying on a life with you but never helping you with her or being a significant part of HER life? How is that fair to her? Especially if her real dad isn't around. One day she would realize that your bf is keeping his distance and alienating her and she's going to feel awful. Personally I think the things he said and the way he acts are extremely rude and I wouldn't want a man like that. You and your daughter are a package deal and if he doesn't love her as much as he loves you then that's never going to work. At least not for her, maybe you will be happy, but her happiness should come first. And if you are pregnant then why would you feel you had to hide it for a few months? Any man that makes you feel that you have to play games like that is immature and he's controlling you, whether you see it or not. You should never have to think like that and not be able to be totally honest with your significant other. Stop worrying about his feelings and what he thinks all the time and give more thought to YOUR feelings and your daughters. Who does this guy think he is, picking and choosing what parts of your life he wants to be a part of and making you feel that you have to worry about how he's going to react now that you're pregnant? I hope I don't sound harsh. It's just that I have a son from a previous relationship, he's 9 now. And his dad has never been in the picture either. I've dated a few guys who weren't that interested in my son and just seemed more happy when it was just me and them and my son was with the babysitter. And I kicked those guys to the curb. Cuz that's not real life. In real life your daughter is going to be there all the time. And she's going to see him as a father figure. So if he doesn't want to be that, then he chose the wrong girl to be with.

[bama_mama]

Sorry i posted that before i was ready to..
You love him abd wanna be with him therefor thats what your doing, so you know its not hard.

Having a baby with this guy isnt going to make anything any clearer or easier on you either. Hes not going to change or settle and be a family just bc you are having his baby, its just going to make it a lot better for him bc then he knows he can for not commit to anything and your not going anywhere you will let him continue with his mind games and his immatuirty like hea been doing and its just going to get worse

The only thing you can do at this point it sit him down and have that long talk with him and let hkm know your done with all the drama and mind games, your done with this "i wish you loved me the way i love you, i just canf give you that happy fairy tale famiy blah blah" bullsnot, you tell him. Either he straightens up and he commits to you and your daughter like you both deserve or your cutting all ties with him. Life is too short for that crap sweetie. I know you love him and you just want him to stop doing all this crap and be what you think he can be but im pretty sure it wont ever happen. Like i said my friends and best friend and even my mom have all dated and loved many men like this and it all ends the same way, with them heartbroken and not even knowing where the guy is to this day.

Just please, if you wont listen to him and what hes saying loud and clear then listen to us and what we are saying ok sweetie

[bama_mama]

Like i said listen to what hes telling you and lsten to his actions, your looking for hidden meanings or looking for underlying words that you WANT him to say and its not happeneing sweetie. As much as it hurts to hear or to believe you already know the answer to this. As long as yall have been together he knows your daughters dad isnt in the picture and he knows he doesnt have to deal with baby daddy drama hes just using it as an excuse to not settle down completely. My friends and best friend have dated so many guys like this and it always goes the same way and ends the same way. Its just pathetic. Hes keeping you hooked and attched and stringing you along, he tells you just enough to melt your heart and give you the butterflies and you think well ok he does love me and he wants to be here with us and to be a family then he starts comfusing you with his mind games wuth all this

"i wish you loved me blah blah, i just cant be here raising another mans kid blah blah, i do want to be in your daughters life and i wish i could love her like i want to love ger but i cant blah blah i want you all to myself and im jealous of time you even spend with your daughter even though i know its silly to feel this way blah blah i just dont want you to work where i work bc it will cause drama i dont like any of the women i work with they are ugly and not my type but i just dont want us working at the same place bc it will break us up and cause drama blah blah"

Do you hear how silly that sounds? Bc those are the words he says to you and its as plain as day sweetie but your not listening to these words your taking the things hes saying and trying to break it down and analyze it thinking theres more to it and theres not, as bad as you want there to be more to it theres just not.
You keep saying you know he can change, that he is 30 and its time for him to change and settle down and you just know you can make him change but you cant bc he doesnt want to. Hes in charge and hes running things, he knows what to say and what to do to keep you attached and he knows you love him and your in love with him and he uses it to his advantage. As well as using your daughter to his advantage. He knows how important she is to you and he knows thats he will never be more imortant than her where your concerned so he uses that to mess with your head. When it comes to falling in love and commiting to someone ita not that hard. If you really love somene and want to be with them then you will and there wont be any drama or head games. You know its true bc your doing it right now. You love him and wanna be with hv

[nurseLizzy]

And thats the exact same from what I get from him... its not his kid. Not his responsibility. .. but  .  Yet he wants me... and he doenst have to deal with her biological father. Ever. ! He will never be met or in the picture.  So no drama there. And my daughtere  e xcpets him ... she likes him a lot..... so he wants all of me and all my time. But doesnt think he can raise her..... or that he should have to....  mt views .. he should love her if hes gonna be with us....  he is gonna be the male role figure if hes with us and she looks to him for trust and support snd comfort like all kids... ive never as me him to financially support her , adopt her ; let her call him dad... nothing like that.. shes pretty sufficient im doing things on her own because over taught her that way.. because heaven forbid im not around she need to know the basics of how to get by... cooking cleaning local places to go in case of emergency.  Etc.  Shes very smart.... the hard part is over.. shes at the fun age now. . And again. . NO BIOLOGICAL DAD around ever. . Nor will he be.... so???

[Nellyzz]

my views are you cannot expect anyone to want to raise your kids or should have to. some guys will some guys wont but no one should look down on him cos he doesn't want to help raise your child. I personally have dated 2guys with kids and I will never again go there Im done with jelous insecure EX'S. my current bf has nothing to do with his kid cos she told him if he got a gf he couldn't see his kid so he cut all ties from them. which doesn't bother me at all. I done nothing to his ex. but like every ex they are jelous moles so good riddens to them. maybe the guy you have is not the right guy for you. I still dont think he should be frowned apon. itz not his child he didn't bring her into the world. its not his responsibility.

[kats999]

Similiar situation here, I have 4y daugther and Im preggo with my Bf. We are together for over 1 year, he has many doubts. He was just scared IF she will accept him, if she will respect him as a father, if there wont be any drama with her father. For me is more normal than guy with no fears and doubts. Guy with any fears and full of love from beggining would be for me really fishy and suspicious!

[nurseLizzy]

That's so awesome jasmine!!!! I have a guy friend who has been telling me for the past  .  2 yrs that he wants to take care of me and her. .. we've known each other since h.s and hes a nice guy.. .. but he wont be in my state for about 2 -3 months. Hes in the military..... ive never had feelings for him that way but then again never thought about it....  sometimes your heart cant help who it falls for...... that makes me happy that your friend /partner is gonna help!! What an amaizng MAN!! And what a shame your sons daddy wants nothing to do with his own little ones.. thats his loss .. and they will remember that....   all of you women are strong in here.... im getting great vibes and pointers..

[jasmine20h]

I think if he wanted to be with you or cared he wouldn't mind about your daughter. He would love her as If she was his. My baby daddy don't want any part of his sons life. & my guy bestfriend on & off with but now just bestfriends is gonna help me raise my son.

[nurseLizzy]

Thx girls.... I kinda needed this. .  . Its just hard yo hear sometimes ....  u guys r very helpful thank u

[bama_mama]

Exacty bx wishing and hoping isnt going to change his mind neither will it xhange if you are pregnant.

[hazel413]

Idk why thus is even a question. Your kid comes first. Period. He would bee done a long time ago in my book

[nurseLizzy]

Thx girl bama.... :-/....  amd I do hope and wish every day he changes his mind...... I hate this.... and its brekaing my heart :-/ its just not fair. ... for him to play games with me knowing everything ive been through in the past and for him to be this way........  smh... smdh...  I need to give this one to GOD and stop trying to hold it together myself

[bama_mama]

Omg yes your beating a dead horse. Hes a grown man playing head games. I dont see how you can stand to be in that or around it everyday just reading about it is draining my energy lol i can only imagine what living in it would do.
No being oregnant isnt going to change him or his mind its going to make him worse and he will then have the mentality that he can come and go as he wbats and you will always accept him bc you love him and have hopes it will all change. Its really not that confusing sweetie, just listen to his words and his actions and stop hearing what you wish he was saying or think hes meaning or trying to say, just listen to him and you will hear that hes telling you hes not going to come around and be what you wabt bc you have a daughger. If you do get him to settle down your daughter will always sense his resent towards her and sense his hesitation, he is already jealous of her, come on now. Just listen and hear what hes saying loud and clear and just remove him from your life. Your daughter deserves a million times better and no matter what you wang or wish hes not it and he will never be it hun. Im not trying to be ugly or sound ugly but you dont need anyone to sugar coat it for you, good luck sweetie

[rebeccaann11]

I truly don't know girl! The whole thing is weird! I just don't think he is ready for commitment, but also doesn't want to lose the relationship/ friendship thing going on.
I personally don't think you should put up with it so it just seems weird to me

[nurseLizzy]

Then y carry this out??  He already told me he doenst want me with ANYONE else and he doesnt want anyone else.  . That i make him happy..... Rebecca. ... I really am.confused... my mind and myheart.... wth do I do....