miserable :(

[MommaBear72214]

so I got pregnant 2 years ago with someone I was with for 4 years we had a missed miscarriage a few months after that we broke up.. .and in Oct of 2013 I got pregnant to a guy I was with only for 6 months. now my ex bf from my prior pregnancy wants to help out with the baby and I just feel weird about it I don't feel like he'll love baby like it's his own... the father of this child is in rehab right now trying to get himself together for the baby but I feel like it's never going to work and if I stay with him ill have to deal with a drug addict for the rest of my life...I'm torn two ways here and it's making me miserable :(

[shinieshoes]

I was addicted to pain meds for 7 years. I took them for back pain but that didn't stop me from getting addicted. When I was younger from ages 10 to 14 I did all sorts of drugs. At 14 I met my now husband of 8 years and I got clean! I have been clean for 2 plus years from the pain meds. I will always be "an addict" as the personality traits do not truly go away. But I am clean and have a beautiful 6 month old boy. I wouldn't even think to do drugs again. If he is in rehab he is obviously trying to get his life together for you and your child. I would give him a chance since he is trying. Not all addicts are doomed to be on drugs forever! There is hope! If you don't mind me asking what is he addicted to? If you have any questions just ask!

[thirdandlastbaby]

I agree if he decided to go get help (wasn't mandatory) then he is obviously trying to do right and I would let him be a dad. If you want to be in a relationship with him then try that as well, if not then be a co-parent. I have a feeling your ex may still love you and realizes now that he should have never let the loss get in the way. IF you want to be with him and not the other guy then give him a try but let him know that it is NOT his child and if the other guy steps up then there will not be a place as daddy, only as a positive male role model. That way he knows there are boundaries.

[MommaBear72214]

well thank you that gives me hope shinieshoes and congrats to u for staying clean! heroine is his drug of choice unfortunately....and thirdandlast what u say makes perfect sense but the father is going to go apeshit if he even knows I talk to my ex even tho we aren't together and I feel like that just might make him relapse...but I never thought of my ex as just being a male role model I always thought of him playing daddy but never knew how I'd go about doing that so I'm glad u said that makes so much sense. I'm never going to keep baby away from his real dad unless he's on drugs...

[mamanavarro]

If the father is trying then give him a chance at least and yeah talking to another guy while the father is trying to get clean and do what's right for the baby then that's pretty messed up. He'sgoing to look at it like " wwhat's the point ??"

[kennimae]

My brothers drug of choice was heroine also. He has been clean for over a year after going to rehab. He is going to be needing lots of support from especislly you instead of saying he is doomed. My brother willingly went to rehab after blacking out and choking me when I was 16 weeks pregnant the first time around. Not all "addicts" are doomed to repeat in a cycle especially if they have motivation (his baby). If it were me I wouldn't introduce your ex as the baby's daddy but as mommy's friend or partner if you do get together especially if the other guy gets clean. In my opinion he is doing the first step in stepping up to be a dad for him.

[MommaBear72214]

the point is he needs to get clean for his child whether we're together or not and step up and be a man he's going to b apart of the babies life only if he's clean and that's on him cuz it's noones loss but his own my child doesn't need anyone but me in the long run and right before he went into rehab he was talking about getting xanax to help him sleep which y would u go get clean from one drug just to move on to another one. there's Tylenol PM for sleeping issues. it just makes me think he's not in a good mind set if he wants more drugs after getting out of rehab.

[shinieshoes]

Thank you! I agree moving from one drug to another is not a good idea. Xanax is a benzodiazepine and is highly addictive. Med help actually has an addiction forum as well as an addiction living with an addict forum. The people on there are very supportive and always very helpful. He needs to get into an aftercare program like counseling or narcotics anonymous. Is he on a methadone program?  Also do you think he might react differently to the situation with the other guy if he is clean? Drugs really change people.