OT- feeling blue

[wild.blue]

Hi ladies, tonight I am having a really hard time. I'm thinking of my ex like I secretly do ALL the time. We were together from age 10 til 19 and both of our parents did not take good care of us (to say the least!) and so we were there for eachother.. we were eachother's everything. Just when I hear his voice I am reminded of how strong I can be.

Well the last year of our relationship was rocky and he broke up with me and a week later I got together with my current bf, Cayce. And a year later here I am 5 months preggers and thinking of my Ex every night. I was more "myself" around him. I could sing and dance and be free. We laughed so much and life was a blast, even when times were hard. With Cayce, he is always in the same mood and it is so fake. He is like a overly happy waitress, ya know?? Rarely do I feel like he is being real. And it makes me uncomortable so I dont do things like I used to w/my Ex. I don't feel like I'm a fun person anymore.. I dont feel like I'm being my real self. It's a really hard feeling to explain!! I hope someone understands..

If I stay with Cayce I feel like I will be living a lie and its really hard b/c my Ex told me he misses me and still is in love with me (even after the year we've been apart) but we both know it can't work out. It breaks my heart.. and I live in this alone, it hurts so bad

And right now Cayce is telling his mom about one of the books I bought to read to the baby, he is so sweet, he is laughing with a huge grin telling her all the little details of the book and he is just glowing, he is so happy. I feel like such a bad person. I want to be ok with the life I have and be as happy as he is about the baby, I dont want to think about my Ex anymore!!

P.S this isn't purely hormonal, I felt this way long before I was pregnant but was too stubborn to undo my mistake and tried constantly to prove how happy I was with Cayce.

thanks for listening

[adawning4]

Did you start thinking about your ex after he told you he misses you?  That could be what made him come back into your "head".... Men have a way of turning our heads upside down and it doesnt faze them so much. They see we are happy with our lives and want us to back to their level again. If you didnt think about him before and you were happy with your BF then maybe he is playing with your head.... I think you should tell your BF what you think about how he acts and tell him  to tell you what he really thinks and feels, but dont hold anything back from you.... Maybe he is one of the type of people who only see the good in everything. They have had had a great sheltered life and they are oblivious that they are annoyingly happy! Tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. But first figure out what the ex is really trying to do. They dont call em ex's for nothing!!!!!
Good luck to you and try not to stress its not good for the baby or anyone else.......

[JoyRenee]

I'm sorry you're crying! And I'm glad you weren't upset with my reply because some people do not like the way I don't "beat around the bush". I'm like this in person, too, not just online! LOL!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand! There is a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye (I actually did NOT like this book but there is a great illustration in it I want to share with you). This man and woman were at the altar getting married. Slowly, one by one, these girls got up and stood behind the groom. The bride asked her groom, "Who are all these women?" She was clearly upset. He looked at her, ashamed, and told her "These are all girls I've given a piece of my heart to. Here is WHAT'S LEFT!"

Definitely have a conversation with the bf about this and see what he has to say. Then have a convo with the ex and tell him that the only way you'd work it out with him is if he was willing to change his lifestyle and become a second father to your baby (obviously the bf wouldn't want to be pushed on the sidelines where his child is concerned).

I just don't think it is fair, to anyone, even yourself, to have to live a life you dread. Communication is the only way to resolve this!

[wild.blue]

good lord, now I'm crying!

[wild.blue]

I am the only serious gf he has had and he is 27.. he was waiting to get serious until he found the right one. And we are happy together mainly, we have good times. It's just at night my mind always drifts towards my ex. I want to stay in the relationship with my bf and work it out for the baby, its just really hard when my heart is pulling another way.

I guess maybe I will just be completely honest with my bf soon and tell him EVERYTHING and see if there's something we can do about it.. Because I know getting back with my ex wouldn't be responsible.. his lifestyle is still in party-mode and I don't wanna get stuck there again. Cayce will be a good dad, I just need to find a way to get over my ex  

PS- Joy I really like your "tell it like it is" attitute, it really helps me to realize things..

[JoyRenee]

I just realized I told you like three diff things to do. Okay... let me get my thoughts together. What I am basically saying is that if you are unhappy with your bf and your ex wants you back, then give your bf a chance at happiness with a woman who will make him happy.

[JoyRenee]

Women are relational and it is natural to weigh our relationships with one another. Obviously your current bf is VERY different from your ex, whom you're used to. But you're having a baby with this guy and are committed, I assume. You should try to make it work. And you need to tell him that you feel he's being fake! Chances are he's just a really stinkin' happy person (what's not to love about that?).

Think of your life 10 years down the road. Who do you see yourself with, with a 9 year old child? Are you happy? Are you satisfied? If you and your ex want to create a life together and raise your child together, then do it! But if your child with another man is a turn-off for him, count your losses and move on.

Sounds like your heart is with your ex and it is NOT FAIR to your bf to drag him along. Give him a chance at true happiness.