??

[K1990]

At the start of my relationship my boyfriend had mentioned something about porn and I told him that I didn't want him watching porn and it is a very big deal to me.  And he said that he wouldn't watch it.... well he is in a different city, about 60 miles away and when school is in session I only see him on the weekends... well I was on his computer and from what I found I think he is watching porn again.  I am NOT okay with that at all.  How do I say something about it?  I am just so angry with him.

[peekawho]

If that's what you prefer to believe, come back and talk to us later.  Best of luck to you.  

[K1990]

I talked to him about it and he said that his brother uses his computer a lot too and he knows that I don't like it and he hasn't watched it since I first said anything!  I knew all that I needed to do is talk to him, I was right.  He knows I don't like it and he respects that and me!  I don't need to be with him all the time... I completly trust him and when I thought that he had been watching it again, all I needed to do was talk to him and he told me what was going on.  In our relationship there is a lot of trust and honesty... I have never lied to him, and he has never lied to me and it will always stay that way.  I'm glad that all I need to do when I have a problem is talk to him, it's sad for those of you who can't talk to your lovers.  I love him with all my heart and he is such a wonderful man, he treats me right and he treats me with respect!  I have a keeper!

[peekawho]

If watching porn to you is the same as cheating, then how can you stay with a man who is actively cheating on you?  

There is no way to "talk him out of it".  If you can't either deal with it or break up with him, I predict a very, very unhappy marriage for you.  

You are 100% wrong if you think you can marry him and "cure" this issue by being with him all the time.  

[RockRose]

K - good luck,  and post back in 5 years after you've married him and he's still into porn.   And you are still trying to talk him out of it.  

You don't get it,  but you will soon.

Best wishes,  post back and warn other girls who also won't listen.

[Trialanderror]

Porn is like junk food, it is hard to get out of society and a man`s mind, generally speaking. So I would not even try, see advice above. If you want to talk to your husband-to-be anyway, I would focus on finding out how much it really means to him or rather how little it actually has to do with your relationship. I hope and assume he would not expect you to impersonate any of the images he had been viewing. I know it hurts when something like pure love loses its innocence but eventually it becomes too obvious in life that the majority of men watches porn and oggle other women to some degree, too obvious to not be dealt with. Once you deal with it, you will likely find that your relationship can remain unharmed and that you are by no means in competition with those virtual women. It all depends on the man whether he can keep this kind of junk out of the bedroom.

[slow_healer]

I second Rockrose's advice. Trying to control him is NOT the same as loving him.

BTW it's a very bad sign if you feel like you need to be with someone ALL THE TIME in order to trust them.

No one person can completely fulfill all the needs of another person - including sexual. In other words, you are not enough for him. No ONE person is ever "enough" for another person - relationships and people just don't work that way. Many people do not consider looking at pornography the same as cheating. They consider it a safe, private way of getting out those curious feelings without harming or disrespecting anyone. If you cannot understand this or try to see your boyfriend halfway, you are going to have a very difficult marriage.