How many men consider Asian massage parlors cheating?

[TaneshaXD]

Tons of men go to these places including mine ex, and therefore i wonder if men consider getting naked in front of a woman and let her touch you sensually and then get a happy ending cheating. I assume not since those men feel no guilt whatever. How do you girls see this?

[TTinKKerBBell]

Of course the Men feel no guilt, lest They would not do this.  No matter what the topic, if one wants to do any thing badly enough, They will find a way to justify it.

My personal opinion:  anything One might do or say is cheating If They would not do or say the same in the presence of Their Partner.

It's that simple.

[specialmom]

I think only people who want to justify their actions could consider another person touching them sexually until they climax would ever consider that not cheating.  It's the same as hiring a prostitute to give you a hand job.  '

And I would venture a guess that any person who participates in this knows better than to tell their partner because deep down, they know what it is.  

Yes, it is simple when you think about it.  

[Life360_Dave]

When a man does this its a sign there is something lacking at home. Men are raised in a sexually imbalanced society and in our society men chase women and are lured by women with the hopes of sexual gradification. Just walking in the streets are full of females dressed to sexually attract men and being a man i must say its quite tempting.

I worked in the middle east where women are covered  and i believe the results in our society are the reason it started long ago.

[specialmom]

So life, you feel men cheat because of something lacking at home?  Like, it's their wives fault?  

[TTinKKerBBell]

with all due respect, I don't believe this means "there is something lacking at home".

That kinda, sounds like it's the wife's "responsibility" or "blame" if the Man is lacking in character, commitment, honesty, integrity, standards, etc., etc.  That doesn't mean to say I don't understand "temptation" but again, I'm sure many Men use that as 'justification' to cheat.

Just my opinion.

[Life360_Dave]

Both fault. Could be lack of communication of sexual desires. In the massage palour for example. The man is getting a massage and the person masturbates them after. Im not sure how many wives would do this with out expecting something in return. Do you think its common for a wife to do this without thinking the husband is being to demanding? Remember this is based on something wrong at home.

[Life360_Dave]

Theres no blame here. Its a desire that the man has and falls to the temptation from flaw in the relationship.

[specialmom]

Well, if you take a vow of marriage and agree to be faithful---  when it comes to sexual desire and 'how often' and expectations, a couple must work that out between them.  It's, in my opinion, not a woman's fault if her spouse needs sex or sexual release in a personal way and she is 'too demanding' to expect some affection afterwards.  To me it is a flaw within the man that he can not control that urge if he married and agreed to be faithful.  

There are also some men that have very unrealistic expectations of what sex should be between two people.  These are the same men that indulge in porn.  They feel that their sexual urge rates above their loyalty.

There are also some men that really could care less and being faithful was never something they considered doing.

And yes, there are some relationships that are troubled and a man then feels justified to 'step out' for sexual release.  I personally would encourage that couple to either work on their problems or separate rather than stooping to being with a sex worker (which in essence, this industry of massage parlors is).  

It does not necessarily mean a flaw in the relationship but of course at times it could.  Could just be a flaw in the man though . . .    

Generalizing on subjects like this is difficult to do as each situation is unique to those involved.  

[specialmom]

***  personal way is supposed to be impersonal.  

[Life360_Dave]

I think answering the question about the wife massaging the man and giving him a happy ending is common.  If the wife did this without him asking i feel would really put a limit on the number of men that do this and would bring them closer. I also feel if the man did this to the women would bring them close if she wanted this.
I can speak from experience. I had a girlfriend that was Asian and this was customary for her to do this. The first time i was shocked and embarressed and what ever temptation to go to a massage palor to vent frustration was put to an end. I really dont think this massage thing is a cheating thing but more from social caused frustration.

[specialmom]

Well, we totally differ in opinion and that is okay.  

What is your wife's opinion about this?  Would she think it okay for you to go to a massage parlor and have a woman give you a hand job?  

Men who do this do not tell their wives because it is sexual release by another person that they've paid for and that is difficult to explain to your spouse/partner that you feel it is their fault for not giving them more no strings attached hand jobs.  

all opinions are valid though.

I looked for a spouse that felt the same way I did about outside sexual contact and I guess that is important to make sure you aren't cheating.  If your spouse says its fine, then who can argue with that, right?  

[Life360_Dave]

Its not about doing this at a the palor its about the act itself and doing it at home and i dont think is customary in  this country for the wife to do this but i believe its something men would like done.  Do you think it would be strange if the husband asked for this? And lets face it men would like this done.

[specialmom]

I think that a man should be able to ask for this from their partner and think open communication about likes and dislikes is a positive, yes.  And, I actually think many women would take them up on this because it is pleasuring their partner without some of the 'work' involved if they are tired or preoccupied with other things.  I don't think it is odd at all for a spouse to pleasure their partner like this to be honest.  

It is odd to me that anyone would think it is okay to have another person do it though and not consider it cheating.  And for some men, I think part of the pleasure is that it is someone 'other than' their partner that is doing it.  

[TaneshaXD]

Are you saying that most men would want their wives to give them these types of massages? you would  be shocked at how many men would reject their wife when offered this treatment. This is simply because we aren't professionals. Many men say that Asian massage parlors are something you can't get at home because those girls know how it works. And many men simply do it not because there is something lacking at home, not at all but because they have either mental problems as coming home cranky and unsatisfied or they just don't consider this a big deal at all ( neither did my ex) that's why they can come back to their wives and act like nothing happened. Most men do not think of it as cheating but don't say anything to their wives  because they wouldn't like it.  Those type of people rationalize what they done by saying how they don't do drugs or drink late at night so they don't harm their family. Its' all ********.  Very very few men do it because they are not getting something at home, trust me most wives won't find out about their husbands hobby during their marriage.

[TTinKKerBBell]

I agree with all that SpecialMom has said.

If we are still speaking "hand job", it would seem to me that a loving, caring, committed MARRIED man would feel like going solo rather than pay a sex worker (prostitute) to do it 'for' Him.  A Woman would probably do this 'solo'  - probably wouldn't occur to Her to pay someone else to masturbate Her - and if She did pay someone else to masturbate Her, Hubby would probably feel cheated on.

[Life360_Dave]

Sex is something that is established in the begining of the relationship and the type often runs the life of it with out changing much. There are other things desired that really cant be brought out for many reasons including them seeing a different side of there partner and to be specific the animal side. I believe this is all a sexual attraction issues between the two of them. In an extremely sexually compatible relationship where anything goes between the two, where no inhibitions take place, where openess can be shared at any given time, there would be no desire to go to a massage,
Ive been in extremely sexual relationships where my desire for her was so intense i was weak in the knees and never ever changed. (of course she left me) Ouch!!!!

[Vance2335]

Asian parlors have nothing to do with a massage, it's about the ending. It is cheating and I don't think it has anything to do with not getting something at home, unless the man makes himself believe it is not cheating and that cheating is having sex.

I would rather do it myself then have someone else who i paid to do it do it.

[TTinKKerBBell]

Vance,  
I knew, really really really knew, there are men who feel this way.  To pay for such 'action' from a 'service person' seems so 'clinical'  and demeaning, and not very self-respecting.  If I were not sharing this with someone meaningful I would rather do it for myself !!  I can't believe, even were I a Man, that I would feel differently.

[Life360_Dave]

It is cheating but the question is why! Why do people cheat? Why dont people cheat? Religion says not to, the vows we took says not to, what about why they do it is my question. If people dont cheat because there are outside reasons is the thought to do it cheating? Is the desire to fullfill a fanticy cheating? if the fanticy cant come true in the home whats a person to do?

[Life360_Dave]

Your comment that you are lucky you are a girl is exactly what im talking about. what do you mean by your luckey to be a girl. Please explain what you mean by that?

[specialmom]

She said "a lucky girl" in reference to her husband's beliefs on this subject and his ability to say no to temptation.  And she IS lucky that he is like this.  I think I would want that for any woman, to be honest.

Let's face it life, men and women, partners in general, let each other down all the time.  No one is perfect.  And if you enter into a relationship thinking every one of your desires will be fulfilled, one can expect to be dissatisfied.  It's about a partnership and doing what you can for each other.  And that means occasionally giving up a sexual fantasy if it means getting a hand job by a sex worker.  

People cheat for a variety of reasons but one common denominator in all cheaters is lack of integrity in my opinion.  

[specialmom]

BTW, fantasies are often things we just think about and don't really do.  I had a bad day last week and fantasized about leaving this life behind and running away.  Oh, it sounded terrific on that cruddy day.  I thought about a cute little one bedroom apartment, lots of time for myself to read, hang out and relax, etc.  Sounded blissful.  

Does this mean I should act on it?  No.  It was a pleasant thought but not reality.  Not what I REALLY wanted because it would hurt my family.  

What if my husband daydreamed about a threesome.  Does this mean that I'm falling down in my job as wife by not allowing him to bring another woman home with him to sleep with us?  Because he fantasized about it, he should be able to do it?  

Fantasies are things in our mind and not always to be acted out.  At least from my view point.  

But I'm glad we are all in agreement that the 'happy ending' is cheating.  Good to find a common place where all agree!  :>)

[TaneshaXD]

Most men  do NOT express their fantasy at home. They either see their partner as the mother of their children, feel uncomfortable or perverted in expressing their needs or are scared that they will get rejected. The solution to this is communication but most men are lacking this ability. Therefore they proceed to cheating. In this case i don't think the problem is that their fantasies can't be met at home but that they are unable to express their fantasies to their wife.