Age difference!

[Phoopibear]

bottom line, im 18 and hes 26 turning 27 next month (weve been together for 5 mnths) and my entire family doesnt approve... but were very much in love, i just cant take the pressure, judgment and disprove from my family, what should i do? im almost ready to move in with him just to stand up to my parents and show them that i can make my own choices... any tips?

[Londres70]

Please keep us posted on your progress.  

All the best.

[Phoopibear]

Its just that I have alot to think about, my boyfriend wants me to do what is right for me. He is being supportive and not giving "his side" or what he wants me to do. Hes trying to help make this decision for myself but its hard. I want to do my own thing and show my parents that I can do something with myself and make something of myself if I really needed to. Ive apologized to my brother and next I need to do the same for my parents. And Ive began to see that I ashamed and Im extremely upset at the fact that I lied not that I got caught. I want to fix this and make it right but I dont feel that Im given the chance to.. I understand that I and only I can make my own choices, and I know that this takes time. But i want to be able to be 100% truthful to my parents and be able to make myself happy. I also know that Im old enough to make my own decisions in my life. I just need to show them that Im not a mess up in life. I greatly greatly appreciated everyone's advice.. I would never here this from my family.. Its always yelling and screaming and forcing. Im not at my parents house and fortunately Im on Spring break at school. But if my mom is going to try to keep me here even after break Im going to have to go back to finish out this year bc it will be money wasted! Even though Im only in community college I dont want my father to feel that he wasted his money. I also think it would be rather selfish to take me out of school for something that is life-threatening or something tragic. I really am a great person, Im not that type of person that was into bad things in high school, I was practically "caged" through most of it but I was never really in that much trouble, nothing un ordinary for a teenage girl I guess. He isnt that bad of a guy also. Hes mature and liked me for my maturity. Ive missed class bc I allowed myself too, He doesnt force me, or make me believe something that its not. Hes my bestfriend, my lover, and he means alot to me. We also dont fight very often thats why I was so upset the other day about the irrelevant girl post. It effected me alot bc hes never done anything like that. I dont want to ramble along anymore or have any of you waste your time telling me things I really should have figured out on my own..
But thank you all again. I just need to talk to my parents and basically beg my brother to let me finish out the school year at his house. If i cant do that then Id have to ask my friend to let me stay with her for a short time. But Im writing down my goals, my wants, my needs,and my likes in life and I hope that this well help me stay on the right track
Thank you all VERY VERY much!

[Londres70]

I really don't see the age difference per se as the problem; I am viewing the bf more of a bad influence.  

Your family loves you alot and only want what's best for you; treasure that.

Definitely agree with Specialmom.  

[specialmom]

Oh, in all seriousness---------  I don't think there is 'something wrong' with a man of 28 wanting an 18 year old.  That is probably pretty common.  

I do think that plucking a girl right out from her parents home and the tender age of 18 by a man that is 28 would indicate his desire for control or he himself is immature or he just likes the 'young' woman look.  But by 20, 21, etc. that age difference isn't really that huge to me.  My husband is only 2 years older than me and I've never had a big age gap in people that I've dated but . . . my dear friend is married to a man 17 years her senior.  Very happily, I might add.  And as stated before, my husband has a few really good friends that married much younger women and these women are now good friends of mine.  Not a big deal.  (in my opinion)

But, that is not what I see as the issue here.  You are lying.  You are sneaking.  You are acting like a child.  Your parents are treating you like a child.  From what others have mentioned, you play around with pregnancy as well (which is just not very smart).  Because you seem to not be using good judgement (lying, sneaking, talking about babies)----   your parents are in fear that you will derail your whole life with this time period of not having your head on straight about what is important (YOUR EDUCATION and GROWING UP).  I can't say that I blame them.  I would be terrified of your current decision as well if I loved you dearly and wanted you to have a good life.  

So, consider that they DO have your best interest at heart.  If you move in with your boyfriend . . .   your life will be on a new path.  Not one I'd EVER want for my daughter as you will most likely become a statistic.  Being brutally honest knowing you won't hear me.  But 'hoping'  you do!  good luck

[shell921]

Get real. There is something wrong with any man who who is 28 and wants to be with an 18 year old. As others have said if you were both older this might not matter. My husband is 9 years older than I am. But we got married when I was 28 & he was 37. I was a more mature adult at 28 than I was at 18. And you will be too. When I was 15 my best friend began sneak dating a guy 24. She got pregnant and had to drop out of high school and marry this guy. Her poor parents were so upset. My friend and her husband had 2 kids and lasted about 8 years and then divorced. Then she and her then EX-husband had many bitter battles over custody and her life was hell-ish for many years! I'm tellin' 'ya girl--enjoy your youth while you are young. Don't get tied down. Don't move in with this older guy. It will never last.

[Londres70]

Moving in with your bf?  Is that what you are contemplating?  

Dear, dear, I wouldn't advise that at all.  I really think he is a distraction and is drawing you into things you shouldn't be doing. Dating someone and living together are two DIFFERENT things; trust me dear.  Your 100% focus should be on YOU and SCHOOL for right now.  That will be beneficial to you in the long run, not this bf.  Yes, you may be doing well in your classes right now, but I don't think you will continue to do well if you move in with this guy OR if you keep missing classes and assignments because you didn't have time to complete them related to spending time with your bf.  

May I ask what is your bf doing being that he is considerably older than you?  Does he work or go to school?  What exactly is he doing besides sneaking you off to be with him?  

Because of this bf, you have turned to lying to your family and doing things you know you SHOULDN'T be doing.   By the tone of your last post you know this is WRONG.  

MY POINTER......GO HOME and deal with the wrath of your lying with your parents.  With lying comes consequences.  Secondly, get focused completely on you and school; not this bf.  

Sounds like your family loves you and wants the best for you.  

Your statement...."Id rather lie to my family and tell them what they want to hear to make them happy or so that I can continue to do what I WANT TO DO or what option looks better to me"............  I can't justify you lying in this situation.  Would you want your family lying to you?  How would you feel?

I sure hope this bf and all was worth all the lying.  You aren't having "bad luck" dear; you are making POOR decisions dear and you have the power to make this right.