Aa
Age difference!
bottom line, im 18 and hes 26 turning 27 next month (weve been together for 5 mnths) and my entire family doesnt approve... but were very much in love, i just cant take the pressure, judgment and disprove from my family, what should i do? im almost ready to move in with him just to stand up to my parents and show them that i can make my own choices... any tips?
Thank you all, Unfortunately my luck keep getting worse.. Today I hung out with him after school.. knowing that it was wrong, yes, my other brother called (im also living with my brother and his girlfriend while Im "away" at school) and i LIED to him, this was'nt the first time. Im extremely fearful of judgment and ridicule form my family (more from family than friends or peers) Id rather lie to my family and tell them what they want to hear to make them happy or so that I can continue to do what I WANT TO DO or what option looks better to me.. well I lied.. and my parents are forcing me to move back home after only a few months into my freshman year. And im also doing very well in all of my classes.. Im leaving tomorrow morning and im really contemplation moving in with someone that i love and continuing education in a city that i really like (which should help me with my goals and wants)... I know this is alot but any pointers?
thank you all so much!
thank you all so much!
The age gap between 18 and almost 27 is HUGE. This is WAY more issue than a simple number. 18 is still a TEENAGER - He's been out of HighSchool and hopefully functioning as an adult for several YEARS. A nine year age gap may not matter when EVERYONE concerned is an adult but to be 9 years older than a TEENAGER is big!! I understand Your parents' concerns.
and
You are risking pregnancy at 18 with a five MONTH !! (OMGolly !!) relationship - That's GIANT poor choice on Your part - and His as well. In this Day and Age Men are responsible for Their own sperm - He should not be risking a pregnancy with an 18 year old Girl.
Maybe You Both need a few more years under Your belts ??
and
You are risking pregnancy at 18 with a five MONTH !! (OMGolly !!) relationship - That's GIANT poor choice on Your part - and His as well. In this Day and Age Men are responsible for Their own sperm - He should not be risking a pregnancy with an 18 year old Girl.
Maybe You Both need a few more years under Your belts ??
I remember being 18....
I've read your journal and would agree with a few of the above posters. I'd almost bet the ranch on the fact that your parents do not see this guy as a positive influence on you. Your journal said that you had an argument over an irrelevant woman.... if she was irrelevant, why the arguing? If you're arguing about irrelevant things, what is going to happen with the "real" relevant things? Things like pregnancy, your future, your education should all be your primary interest at 18, and I think your parents are asking to to take a minute and get everything back into perspective.
At 18, I believe that most people are fully capable of making adult decisions, but are not fully capable of dealing with the ramifications of those adult decisions. I'm not saying that older adults are completely capable of making the right decisions all of the time, but what all older people do have is experience.
It's real important for you to realize that your parents were 18 once, and really not too long ago. They made decisions or watched other people make decisions that didn't pan out so well. From that, they learned a few things and are trying to pass that knowledge on to you.
My oldest son is your age. He is a brilliant kid. He will probably tell you that he is sometimes too smart for his own britches. His mother and I have always given him just enough rope to learn how to tie a knot, but reeled him back in before he did something stupid with that knot. (I am frequently amazed by what my son knows and does not know.) My son is miles beyond my knowledge in books, but I have little faith that he would do a good job trying to take care of himself, completely on his own at this point in time.
In closing, you have your entire life in front of you. It's even possible to recover from a couple bad decisions, depending on what those decisions are. Your family is your family for the rest of your life. To you, they may seem like the dumbest, most ignorant people you've ever come across... but they are your family until the day you die. If I were you, I would not write them off as of yet. I'd listen good and hard to what they have to say.
(At the age of 45, I now realize how smart my mother and grandparents really were. I could have made my life a bit easier had I taken the time to listen.)
I've read your journal and would agree with a few of the above posters. I'd almost bet the ranch on the fact that your parents do not see this guy as a positive influence on you. Your journal said that you had an argument over an irrelevant woman.... if she was irrelevant, why the arguing? If you're arguing about irrelevant things, what is going to happen with the "real" relevant things? Things like pregnancy, your future, your education should all be your primary interest at 18, and I think your parents are asking to to take a minute and get everything back into perspective.
At 18, I believe that most people are fully capable of making adult decisions, but are not fully capable of dealing with the ramifications of those adult decisions. I'm not saying that older adults are completely capable of making the right decisions all of the time, but what all older people do have is experience.
It's real important for you to realize that your parents were 18 once, and really not too long ago. They made decisions or watched other people make decisions that didn't pan out so well. From that, they learned a few things and are trying to pass that knowledge on to you.
My oldest son is your age. He is a brilliant kid. He will probably tell you that he is sometimes too smart for his own britches. His mother and I have always given him just enough rope to learn how to tie a knot, but reeled him back in before he did something stupid with that knot. (I am frequently amazed by what my son knows and does not know.) My son is miles beyond my knowledge in books, but I have little faith that he would do a good job trying to take care of himself, completely on his own at this point in time.
In closing, you have your entire life in front of you. It's even possible to recover from a couple bad decisions, depending on what those decisions are. Your family is your family for the rest of your life. To you, they may seem like the dumbest, most ignorant people you've ever come across... but they are your family until the day you die. If I were you, I would not write them off as of yet. I'd listen good and hard to what they have to say.
(At the age of 45, I now realize how smart my mother and grandparents really were. I could have made my life a bit easier had I taken the time to listen.)
I will have to agree with specialmom on this one. Age is something that once out of highschool seems to diminish. For instance, me and my spouce have a 13.5 yr difference in our relationship. But I have been in the situatin of being in a serious relationship too young as well. When I was 22 I was pregnant, married at 23. 2nd baby at 24, and filed for separtation at the age of 26. This was not anything that I could have imagined for myself. No one thinks that you are going to be in that situation, before you do anything you need to really sit back and take a look at your bf. The spouce that will be yours for the rest of your life will push you to be the best that you can be, he will compliment you (not just physically, but your personality), you will know that he is the one for you, and if he does all of that for you, your family will see that and love him too. If he is already started to effect your school, and family life within only 5 months of being together, I am sure that it isn't going to stop there once you live with him or even stay with him for a longer period of time. Please do not move in with this guy. You are still so young and have lots to live and learn. Don't make the same mistake I did.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I did want to come back and make one comment about simple age difference. When my husband and I were in our 30's, some of my husband's friends dated and then married women 10 years younger than them. As you get older, age difference is less of an issue. Some of these women are 10 years younger than me and are my best buds now. So on the surface, an age difference can work----------- but I again doubt that this is the real issue your parents are having. good luck
Remember that family is family and in the end they'll last longer than this guy will. Do not allow him to drive a wedge between you and your family. Its only been 5mths, wait before moving in. Get to know him better before making such a decision. Also, you sound like you would move in out of spite, that is not a good thing. Sometimes our others can pick up on disaster better than we can, this happens because they are on the outside looking in. When you are within an issue it doesn't seem like you one, you have to be separated from it.
Take care!
Anna
Take care!
Anna
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