Aa
Did I make a mistake?
Well I have been seeing a guy for a month and the other night we decide to take the next step. We discussed it before hand just incase we were to have sex, we were not meaning for it to happen but it did. I have not had intercourse in over a year and him about 6 months. Well I told him I was rusty-cobwebs and all - lol. Well I am a little self conscious about my body (average size 12-14) but it did not bother him in my opinion. Well he we had relations and said goodnite and that we would speak to each other on Friday. He told me during relations that I look like I was tired - well I was riding him cowgirl and was getting tired 20-30 minutes into it. When we first began talking, he would call and text me all day (50 times)everyday, now that we have had sex, I have not heard from him in two days. I sent him 4 text in that time stating to him that I was sorry if I did anything wrong. That I like him alot and want him in my life. My best friend gave me some girl advice and told me to give him time to himself. I hope bad sex did not run him off or my body self-consciousness. Maybe he is giving me time to focus on my studies since I am a premed student(have midterms this beginning next week) and his is a manager at a retail store. I just to not want to lose him over a bad night of sex. When we first began to talk he said that he likes me for me and that I am his baby....I hope I have not lost him and he is just busy with work or giving me time to get through midterms.
Artemis, it's hard to tell what happened.
Don't chase this man. Really, DON'T. If he doesn't come after you, this will NOT turn out well. You will be chasing him for the rest of your relationship.
Who knows what happened. If you're riding him for half hour the first time your have sex and he's not getting off, give him up.
Really.
Best wishes.
Don't chase this man. Really, DON'T. If he doesn't come after you, this will NOT turn out well. You will be chasing him for the rest of your relationship.
Who knows what happened. If you're riding him for half hour the first time your have sex and he's not getting off, give him up.
Really.
Best wishes.
Well my best friend told me to give him time and maybe that is what I should do to see if he comes around. I am just confused by what I did right and wrong and what I did not do right and wrong. But racking my brain with those questions is driving me awol. Well I did not pay attention to see if he was getting off, but we both were hot and dripping in sweat. So I hope he got off on it. Well if it is meant to be...then maybe god will let it prevail.
Don't assume that it's something that you did wrong. Maybe he's thinking about himself the same thing that you're thinking about yourself... that he did something wrong. But, unless he speaks with you and offers you feedback about the sex, you'll never know. And, if he's distanced himself and not talking to you, then maybe communication is the underlying issue; and not the quality of the sex.
Thanks for the input. I mean I have sent him messages, so there is nothing more I can do. I have opened myself to him, even apologized to him for maybe doing something wrong.....that I may or may have not done. I care for him alot and dont want to lose him as a friend, lover, and confidant. I though the sex was banging......I hope he gets to me about what he is feeling soon, because I have told him how I feel via text and emails.
After all of your efforts... still no response!
stop apologizing to him... you have extended "the olive branch" and have gone well beyond what most would do in a situation like yours. In addition to him possibly being a poor communicator; this may also be a simple case of him having poor etiquette and displaying bad manners. But, since you apparently like him, I say... give him 1 more week to open up. If you still hear nothing from him; then, cut him free... and move on! And, consider your brief time with him to be "a learning experience."
stop apologizing to him... you have extended "the olive branch" and have gone well beyond what most would do in a situation like yours. In addition to him possibly being a poor communicator; this may also be a simple case of him having poor etiquette and displaying bad manners. But, since you apparently like him, I say... give him 1 more week to open up. If you still hear nothing from him; then, cut him free... and move on! And, consider your brief time with him to be "a learning experience."
I will give him a week to see what he has to say. Before we had sex all was going good, then afterwards things went downhill to where we are now no communication in two days. He is a gentleman to me and listens to me when I talk and we can talk for hours on end and that is what I like the most, wierdly enough from a 26 year old. Yes, I like sex but it is not everything to me. I hope to hear from him, but don't want to bombard him with emails, text, and phone calls, then he will think I am a stalker. I just hopes he understands where I am coming from and has the descency to respond back without breaking my heart.
I think you should write him off completely - sorry. Any man who doesn't have the decency to contact you after having sex the first time is a jerk. He just is.
You will probably never know why he disappeared, but disappearing men are REALLY common. Men can disappear at any "stage" of a relationship - usually it's fear about getting more deeply involved. It's possible that after 1 month of platonic dating with the guy, taking it to the "next step" with sex just put him over the edge emotionally, and he just doesn't want to deal with a "serious" or exclusive relationship with you.
I wouldn't assume it is ANYTHING to do with you - it usually never is!
Just move on and forget about him. Would you really want him back after doing something like that to you?!
You will probably never know why he disappeared, but disappearing men are REALLY common. Men can disappear at any "stage" of a relationship - usually it's fear about getting more deeply involved. It's possible that after 1 month of platonic dating with the guy, taking it to the "next step" with sex just put him over the edge emotionally, and he just doesn't want to deal with a "serious" or exclusive relationship with you.
I wouldn't assume it is ANYTHING to do with you - it usually never is!
Just move on and forget about him. Would you really want him back after doing something like that to you?!
I understand where you are coming from...that would be the same advice my mother would give me. I am 26 and find it hard talking to my mom about stuff like that. Well I don't know why he did not contact me. I am not going to write him off as a jackass or jerk just yet. I am going to give him a chance - one more week. When we talked on Thursday before doing the deed...he stated to me that he only wants to be with me and that he wants me to be his only lover. To be honest, I did send him a not so nice message after he did not contact me on Friday, but I did send him an apology after what I did because I like him alot and did not want to heart his feelings or show him that I don't care about him. So he could be confused by how I reacted towards him not calling or texting me.
don't bother with him. don't text him, call him, im him, myspace/facebook him....nothing. if you get "clingy" he might get scared off. or he might have been telling what you wanted to hear just to well....get in your pants. or he might....well who knows what men think and why they do what they do.
i actually asked my husband your question. to get a mans insight onto WHY they do these things. and what he said was 1. he was just telling you these things to get into your pants, 2. he's confused and needs his time or space, 3. there might have been something that happened that has him confused.
i actually asked my husband your question. to get a mans insight onto WHY they do these things. and what he said was 1. he was just telling you these things to get into your pants, 2. he's confused and needs his time or space, 3. there might have been something that happened that has him confused.
When I see him online on myspace or yahoo messenger last night I did not say anything to him. Yea he could have been saying what he though I wanted to hear to get into my pants, but he is too old for that **** he is 28 and I am 26. I told him how I felt friday and yesterday morning and I have not contacted him since. I just want to hear from him what he is thinking or what is wrong and maybe we moved to fast. But before we had sex it was mutual between us - hell we both knew we wanted to do it and we were feeling each other. We just talked, watched tv, and were just hanging out and then it happened. I was just shocked that when he told me he was going to call me on Friday and he did not it took me for a loop, so I reacted in haste and anger, but I apologized for being stupid and acting like a scorned woman. Heatherlynn22, thanks for the advice - especially from your husband...I have just not been the same since Thursday. I just do not want to loose him over something that we should sit down and discuss as adults. Spending time with him is more important to me than any bad sex we could have had...I just hope he understands that and feels it in the words I wrote to him over the weekend.
well...if he's gonna act like an immature teenager and avoid you, you don't need that. you're a grown woman who deserves a grown man. lol. not someone who's going to play high school games of ohhhh i'm not talking to her. that's something a 16 yr old little boy does...not a 28 yr old man. i have to say forget him (i know easier said then done) and wait for a real man to come along. if he does try talking to you just ask him if he's ready to act his age and ready to talk like adults.
If he does contact me I will let you konw via this post. He does need to act like a 28yr old not a 14 or 16 yr old. Maybe I should forget him and if he does not contact me back then I will move on and just not worry about him. I let him into my life as he did me and I would hate for us to have done that in vain. He said he wanted a committed relationship, if so he needs to act like it. I just do not want to think the worse of him, so I am gonna give him space and see what comes of it. All things are possible through our lord and savior Jesus Christ and that is how I have to think, because I have cried enough over the past 3 days about him not talking to me that I can't do it anymore.
Believe me, I know the hurt that you're feeling! I was in a 1 year relationship that ended last September with a man who's my age, 53. After several e-mails and phone messages, he won't respond or acknowledge my communication. Our issues weren't about sex; our conflicts came out of religious differences and opposing concepts concerning spirituality. And, although we weren't compatible enough for serious dating; I thought that there was enough commonality to maintain a healthy friendship. But, it takes two; and, he refused to put forth his 50%. So, it's true, this "not talking" attitude isn't a chronological age thing; it's a mental and emotional maturity thing.
He could have a maturity issue. And it is ashame because when we first started talking he made me like him more because he seemed mature, wanting to settle down, date exclusively, care about me and my life, have a mature conversation about career, life, family, ect. as well as not pouncing on me the first time he met me. Another thing that made me like him alot was that he did not care about my ethinicity, he liked me for me and told me that right off. I just hope he does contact me this week and prove me wrong in doubting his character.
good i'm glad you're not going to put up with the ****. there's a man out there looking for you. as my mom always told me let them find you, when you stop looking is when they land in your lap.
Guess what, he text me today heatherlynn22. He said that that the sex was good and I got his balls off but it was awkward - because I do not look like a white girl naked (e.g., nipples). He said that we can date but does not know about being intimate again, because it was not sex with a white girl. I do not know if his family or friends are influencing him, but I am confused and that is what I stated to him. How can sex be good and be awkward is what I asked him, he could not answer me. Well I will give him more time to think so he can realize what he said to me. Hell I told him he sounded stupid after what he said to me, how can sex be good but awkward. That is some ****. Well I am treading lightly with him. Atleast giving him time allowed him to open up to me.
Don't you find it odd and, maybe, a little insulting when he comments about the racial distinctions? I doubt that the sex was awkward; I think that it is he who is awkward. Are you sure that you want a friendship with him?
how can you not look like a white girl naked??? is he an expert on nipples? what a creep. i don't think sex can be good and ackward. that's.....just ...i dunno. that's the oddest thing i've ever heard a man say. did he explain why it took so long for him to text you? and WHY didn't he call???
MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well I am the first minority period he has dated. His family is from a small town so while I might feel insulted I do understand his situation. I know I should not be making excuses for him, but I know where he is coming from. We have a good time together which is what I love. We honestly can sit and talk for hours on end, like today we talked for 6 hours via text. We have the same interests/hobbies/likes/dislikes so kinda complement each other. Tomorrow or maybe later this week I will address the racial comments he made. But I have to be objective when I do so, because I don't think he mean it to sound like it did, putting his foot in his mouth. I will take one day at a time and maybe I will grow on him or maybe not, but time will tell. I like him as a person so that is enough for me to be his friend and go from there. I may sound like an idiot...but I like talking and spending time with him, so I am gonna take a chance on him.
Well I am african american, so I am not going to look like a white girl naked. Yea he stumped me when he said that the sex was good and awkward. He said it was like "ummm....trying a new food that you never had before and being like it is good, but do I want to taste it again...maybe, maybe not." I am the first minority he has ever dated so that is why the weird statements. The stated to me that he was busy with work and needed time to think as well before he contacted me. He said he did not forget about me, he was just busy and needed time to regroup.
Well, at least he's talking; so, that must give you a measure of comfort. And, for that, I'm happy for you. I must say that I find you're objectivity and understanding nature to be quite impressive. Perhaps, a friendship with you will teach this young man how to be equally objective and understanding. Good luck!
It does give me a little comfort that he is talking to me. Thanks for being somewhat overjoyed for me, I appreciate that. I am wise for my 26 years and I do not let things bring me down easily, well I at least try to not let them get to me. I hope that he can become more open to the unknown as we begin our friendship. Hopefully I can "grow" on him into more than dating/friends.....but I am not going to push it.
"I am wise for my 26 years" - are you?
this is plain that the guy was very interested in trying out sex with an african american. after he did it, he was done. you kept writing and he was like "oh, yeah. i forgot about her. she still likes me??? hmm..." go figure
keep your options open and use contraception/protection
this is plain that the guy was very interested in trying out sex with an african american. after he did it, he was done. you kept writing and he was like "oh, yeah. i forgot about her. she still likes me??? hmm..." go figure
keep your options open and use contraception/protection
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