Problems:
1) I get bored VERY easily with every relationship, can only reach orgasm by fantasizing about other men OR my man with another woman. Was in a relationship for four years, broke up 6 months ago, had sex with my ex, and still had to fantasize about other men.
2) I am insecure and needy. If the guy I'm dating doesn't do what I want (call me on time, or hang out with me when he said he would) I get very upset and lash out. I have difficulty controlling my temper.
3) I can NEVER walk away from a fight, I prefer to beat it to death. Even if that means me saying/doing the most irrational things imaginable like driving to my exes house in the middle of the night.
4) I don't feel complete if I'm on my own. I am always thinking about the guy of my dreams or whomever I'm dating- or when I'll meet the right guy. I used to have panic attacks when I was alone too long, although those have somewhat stopped.
BACKGROUND:
- I'm in my late 20s
- My dad was a severe alcoholic from my ages of 11-18. he got sober when i left the house for college. He used to pick on me, and i would always fight back. I was the oldest. He was verbally and emotionally abusive. I would yell every night at him and make life hell for him hoping he would realize the consequences of him coming home drunk- given that my mom didn't want another fight and my brother hid in his room.
- I had my first relationship when i was 17, and the guy I dated worshiped me. He essentially "saved" me from my abusive household and let me eat dinner with his family every night. I broke up with him at college cuz i was "bored" and he got a girlfriend. i tried to get back together, transferred to his school and had a mental/spiritual breakdown because i didnt know who i was without him. It took me 4+ years to get over him.
SOLUTIONS?
I dont' know where to start or how to work on what. I have so many problems, that guys say that i'm a great catch and would be a great girl.... if i didn't have this neediness and insecurity. How do I change? I play sports, read books, work full time and try to keep busy. Nothing seems to help. I still want a boyfriend- and I'm becoming a terrible ex-gf because I've contacted my ex so much lately. What do I do?