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My boyfriend and i have had sex before and it has been almost a year since we last had sex and his penis has grown.He is about 8 inches long and i am afraid to have sex with him again and i told him but he said that if i don't do it willingly he will do it himself whether i like it or not and my question to you is if i don't do it will it hurt if he forces me to or should i just do it and make him happy i am really worried and don't feel quite sure about it and when he tries to finger me it really hurts and sometimes he has to force himself to get his fingers to fit properly i'm really scared please help me
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Avatar universal
Sexual Assault/Rape is global; doesn't just apply to certain cultures.

It's NO cultural thing; it's a criminal thing.  



Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
Also, do you mind me asking, You say that you've had sex with this.. pig a year or so ago, and now. So, you stopped being intimate for a year? Can you tell us why that would be the case?
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I obviously agree with every comment before me and after (I bet).

Are you close to your mom at all? Can you not talk to her? or an Aunt? You need guidance in your life right now. This is no time to be shunning your mother, pigs like these is why women need to communicate with their mothers and become well adjusted, and in the know, to at least a certain extent. No mother in her right mind would not adamantly ask you to stop seeing such a selfish and dangerous ... pig.  You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear honey.

I think there are many imported families of Middle Eastern or Indian descent that live essentially by the rules (or lack of thereof) of their homeland, and it could be quite possible that you have been groomed to date this ... pig. If this is the case you, as with many young girls, may have come to the cross roads of your life. Where you must emancipate yourself away from some or all of your family, and adopt new ways in the new world.   I'm afraid the alternative for many is indeed to be raped by their husbands, on a regular basis, as well as putting up with cheating, which is the case in many marriages that I've become aware of.  The fact that you are coming here and having to ask this question is making me think that your mother may be a person that is herself being controlled and or abused and unable to be there for you. But that's okay. You have found a resourced that will stand by you and make sense to you, hopefully.

I think the best way to easily move on with your life, and live in a more equatable environment, and to know that you can raise your children in a more equitable environment, is to research how to get a student loan, that will cover the cost of living and the cost of books, and tuition. It is very easy to find a shared house near a university where you could live with kids like yourself from a vast array of nationalities that are interested in acclimating to US standards. You could have a wonderful life. And you're of age to do so. You are at the beginning of what could be a grand life, or you are at the beginning of subjugation ( which means to force to become subservient, or to enslave) It is up to you my dear.

This may not be the case at all with you, but it might be, as it is with so many young women who seem very confused by their upbringing as to how they should be treated by a partner. Just something to think about. You have rights in the US. What you are talking about is criminal. Period. Nobody that cares about another, would ever treat them like you are describing. Not in a million years. You deserve much much better than that. I hope you open up some more , and let us help you while you're going through this.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
End things and go to the police.  Tell them about his threat and see if they can file a restraining order.  Go to your parents'/close relative's (preferably) or a good friend (if parents/relatives are not an option) and tell them not to let him in or let you open the door for him because you will want to even though you took the steps to get away.

He is not going to stop this behavior unless you get police involved.  Even then, he may be willing to risk it.  Still, one call that he's broken his restraining order and he's going to be in some trouble.

You need out.  If he makes you have sex despite you telling him you don't want to and are scared to, it is rape.  You could be married and it would still be rape.  To rape someone is to have sex with someone who has told you no.  It does not matter if that person has had sex with the rapist before, it is still rape any time you say no and the person does not stop.

You need to get away before this ends up any worse than what you have already had happen.  Get law enforcement involved the second you step out that door.  Call them and tell them you do not feel safe when you are getting ready to leave so you have someone there in case something were to happen.
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Avatar universal
It states she is from Kansas in the US; not the Middle East or India.

You sound younger than 19 and you bf sounds older.  Why can't you tell anybody about this?  Where is your family?  How old is this bf?  

Hon, you need to end things pronto with this guy.  He is only thinking about himself apparently and NONE of this is in your best interest.

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You know...you're fortunate. Most women have no warning that they're about to be raped.   You need to stay away from him now because he's dangerous and he's wrong.

You have a right to say NO!  I don't care if you're a wife, a virgin, not a virgin or anything else. You have a right to say NO.  He's a liar and he's crazy.

Stay away from him; he's going to hurt you.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with Vance.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I assume you are from the middle east or India or a country like that?

If so I am sorry, but you also need to leave him someway somehow. Talk to your parents and let them know what he said.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Honey,  he's not going to change or stop. He is just going to continue and get worse. He has some very serious issues and the longer you stay the worse life is going to be for you. I've seen a lot of smart,  caring women stick by abusive men and it never ends well.

You need to leave him. If he threatens you or hurts you, call the police and get a restraining order.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
i'm 18 and he's 19 and i can't tell anyone because if he finds out he will beat me again like he did last time i tried to leave him so what will happen if i tell someone i just want to find a way to make him better and for him to stop his ways
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
It is rape. Why can't you tell anyone? How old are you and he? This man sounds like an abusive predator. YOU are the ONLY person who decides when and with whom you have sex. You could be naked, on top of him making out, and if you say no to sex and he forces you, that's rape. You could be having sex with him and change your mind, tell him to stop and if he didn't, that's rape.  What country do you live in?
Helpful - 0
1415482 tn?1459702714
Sex...that you do not want...from anyone...is rape. No means no. He's a sad excuse for a boyfriend. No one is even allowed to even touch you in a manner that you deem to be inappropriate, even if you are a "special services lady" or have had sex a million times!


xoxoxo Anna
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
He told me it is not rape because i am not a virgin and we are together so that gives him the right to do whatever he wants to me and as me being his girlfriend i must listen to him and please him in any way he wants
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Avatar universal
No i'm not allowed to tell anyone about this but i just wanted to know if i was wrong for telling him i'm not going to because he told me that it was all my fault and i'm feeling like it really  is and i've told him sorry but he won't accept he said if i listen then he will forgive me
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So you want to know if we recommend your boyfriend rape you or if you should have unwanted sex with him? Dump him. He is a sick individual. If he forces himself on you, report him to the police. No one who loves you and cares about you would pressure you to do anything you are uncomfortable with. Get out of this relationship, now.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
What? He's going to force you if you don't do it willingly?  That's against the law my dear and if he even gets near you in that manner you run and call the police!  It's rape.

He's not anyone you need as a boyfriend...he's not a nice guy at all. You have every reason to be afraid so stay a way from him!  Have you told anyone else about this?
Helpful - 0
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