Help--sad :(

[guinness413]

I feel like I am in a rut with the marriage. We have a 6 year old and a 20 month old and all we do is fight. I know a lot of it is from sleep deprivation and money issues but I feel he is mean to me and the kids. Just a lot of negativity and mean things being said that I am partially responsible for, I believe due to retaliation. We do not engage in sexual activity much anymore, probably due to the kids and I am sad. I have tried telling him and he gets defensive

Now I am dreaming and imagining about being with other men, although I would never act on it, I guess because I feel unloved and unappreciated and am failry certain that is not healthy or normal?

Any thoughts or advice?

[PromisedLand]

try to arranage a weekend away...there are plenty of places you can go without the kids and just be with yourselves to talk, enjoy each other and just plain recharge...my wife and I did this several years ago and one of the Pocono resorts and it was wonderful and if you can spring for more money...try couples.com in Jamaica (Negril) for a wonderful time of being pampered and doing what you want to do and no one to bother you to do this or that...lie on the beach...walk 20 feet to a bar shack, or wait for them to come to you....or sleep in..just enjoy each other and try to get that spark back...it will do wonders for you.


Jim

[guinness413]

thanks everyone and no he does not beat me or the kids or do drugs and holds a job and all that so yes I am grateful for that. We just are in a rut but everyone's thoughts and tips are great advice

[megochick101]

If he won't go to counseling with you, why not just go yourself? It'll make you feel better in the long run, and i'm sure the therapist will have tips to help revamp your marriage.

[Judy246]

You said it, your marriage is in a rut. Life has changed with children, work, appointments, schedules and not enought time for everything and just plain old tired and at the end of the day. You both probably lack rest. He is definately taking out his frustrations on you and that's just unfair and unexceptable. Time to have a discussion with him on how you feel and ask him, how can we come to happy medium for all and take the time to spend quality time with each other. Get a babysitter and go out to dinner, a movie or a mini vacation. I also recommend a marriage counselor or a priest who are trained help out marriges in trouble and I say priest, because if a couple is married by a church and has taken sacraments, a priest is trained to advice...just to clarify any misunderstanding if anyone questions why a priest. You don't have to be religious to get free advice. Anyway. Good luck and let  us know how you are coming along...Judy

[jandd]

Does he beat you?  Beat the kids?  Sexually abuse you or the kids?  Get drunk?  Use drugs?  Cheat on you?  Does he hold down a job?  Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try to see the things that attracted you to him in the first place.  If he kids are an issue, hire a babysitter or dump them on the grandparents for the night, have a nice meal, doll yourself up and drag him to bed.  He's probably as frustrated as you are, and it sounds like he's under a lot of pressure too.  

[guinness413]

Maybe for me but he thinks it is me. I am sad; sex, once a month if that and not by my accord. He blames the kids for staying up late and for his work being tiring and he can say nasty things to the kids that all just makes me sad. I blame his upbringing but he is a grown man. Trust me, I am not without fault but I think I am craving attention and that's why I am being nicer to these men than normally? Certianly not cheating, the guilt would get me

[coolas]

Is marriage counseling an option?