Going crazy

[lalila]

I keep getting into relationships that don't work. Sometimes it's not even a relationship , I realize too late they are just sleeping with me. And now when I think about these things my mind just goes, I start leaving things I can't pay attention to anything house is a mess. Feels like I just break down. Going crazy

[lalila]

terrible relationship with my father, we dont really talk even. or i listen sometimes, its like hes a different person, but he touched me when i was a kid, he gave me a good hard pinch on my *** when i hugged him and already understood what sexual harrassment is, i felt really violated. and he gave me dirty looks and made inappropriate comments about how good i looked. and he had anger outbursts sometimes that were horrible. had a really sad childhood, one i cant even really mention or think about without crying.  

i do think i try to hold on to my bfs too tight and want them to love me maybe a bit too much, because i want to feel loved.  by someone appropraite. not sexually harrassed, like happened at a few part time jobs, dad, even my mother.

[lalila]

yeah im not sleeping with anyone right now, but how can i ever tell if people like me? like those guy friends would take me on dates and well ok i found one weird element is, they dont always want to kiss.
on the other hand, my bfs loved kissing me, but they didnt take me out on dates. we lived togethr or one lived pretty close, thats one reason, but still pretty inexcusable in a years time to only go out with them maybe 1-2.
well so my relationships were crappy or abusive, then somehow my friends get the idea to hold hands with me or kiss me or flirt without actually really wanting a relatioship with me.  its pretty confusing and i never understood why they wanted to spend so much time with me if they didnt want to be in a relationship with me.  two times i was on holiday staying at my friends house so its understandable if they literally have to be near me anyway, but the other guy he lives in my city and goes to my school, he doesnt need to see me outside of those hours. one he might be bored, two he might just want sex. three he actually says he likes doing things with me, but just later later on after we had already been sleeping together and what i thought dating he said a relationship probably wouldnt work or only short term.  and once he said maybe in the future who knows. but anyway i was pretty hurt by all this. if u dont want to be in a relationship with a person now, and you dont love them, you probably wouldnt want to be with them in the future either, or else i wouldnt accept this anyway. i think its just horrible.  i think they just never straight out told me they dont want to be in a relationship with me simply cos they thought if they just acted romantic for a while it could lead to some sex. i didnt have romantic feelings to those friends until they acted romantic towards me or being extra sweet or kind for no reason.

well all the friends ive known for a long time, between 1 year to something like 6 years, but two of them lived in another country so i havent really seen them that much.  yeah i think its a red flag if they just want to have sex with u period. or any variation of "go get a condom/ill get a condom" is a red flag cos my bfs never said that, i mean my bfs actually ask if im ready, and dont assume i just want to have sex the first time they touch me.  i actually wasnt ready for sex with my bf for months, cos i was a virgin then.  one friend was drunk and thats what he explained.  one friend said 'ill wait' when i said i dont want to have sex with him right now. but even that, i mean he was for weeks being sweet to me and looking like he would take it slow but i mean he wanted into my pants from day one right from the time i basically got off the plane.  or maybe not that, its just chemistry also.  when im near a guy, and we are both attracted to each other its hard to stop things happening. i dont sleep with many guys, it happens to be people i knew, and i thougth they were nice people, they had been dependable at friends, so i grew feelings for them. but i mean they already found so many ways i couldnt be their gf, whatever the reason was. but they never told me that till after, or till i ask. actually because of a previous mishap with a friend, i asked this friend if we could actually be bf/gf and then his kinda face shifted, like this oh no, kinda face. anyway it kinda went bad i felt like he was seducing me, i mean i kept saying no but cos i saw him everyday, and he was being really sweet to me, it was just hard to say no.

Specialmom: Yes it does have something to do with that i feel happier after having sex with someone i like. I mean ive never had sex with people i dont know.  But its just that sex brings all these endorphins.  beyond that, i like hugging people, i like touching, caressing, but only for a chosen person. i mean i dont enjoy doing that to everything, that person has to be special to me.  it just hurts if they dont feel the same way.

[akitagurl12]

I had this problem alot in the past.  I think the best thing you can do is not have sex for awhile with them.  Also, try to see them clearly and don't let your mind edit out potential problems.  I used to get so caught up in a guy that I ignored or made excuses for ways he would disrespect me.  Guys shouldn't be trying to have sex with someone they just met either, and I think when they push for that right away, it is a red flag.  Go for friendship first.  That is what I am doing and I am saving myself alot of heartache and drama.  Good luck:)

[specialmom]

dear, your subconsious would be what is playing tricks on you and you wouldn't be aware of using sex for the feeling of being close to these men.  That is something for you to ponder and to see how it plays a role.  What made you believe these men had mutual feelings for you?  What signs were you MISSING?  This is how you change the next situation.  Rather than believe you had no role in it at all, you must look for how  you could have done something differently to have a different outcome.  The scenario of believing men love you and using sex to be close to them is a very common pattern of abused women and with your past, I feel pretty confident that this is playing a role.  

I think that sometimes we have unhealthy thinking that we have to change.  There were probably signs that these men were not commiting to you and I think if I were to advise you, I'd tell you to think back on what those signs could have been.  

You need to develop a strong sense of self that does not include a man in your life for a bit in order to start on the road of seeing things in a realistic way.  I do wish you luck.  Is therapy an option for you?

[lalila]

Sometimes u just don't kno right? If I'm going out with someone most days of week and we kiss, I wouldn't think we were just friends. Tho that's what happened. Now I actually ask if we're actually dating

[lalila]

Yea I wasn't using sex to be close to them, but instead I already thought they were close to want to have sex with me because I was hanging out with them all the time and thought we had mutual feelings but it was kind of a lie. Maybe they were bored I don't really know what. Though both of them just didn't really want a relationship with anyone right now but one said if the right person came along. I felt kinda used

[specialmom]

Hi there.  I saw your other post about your past.  Hon, I would say that you are definately depressed and definately should seek a counselor to sort out what is going on.  Parents that are emotionally abusive lead to their children growing into adults with skewed ideas on what kind of relationships they should have and what their value to others is.  But your inner voice knows better and is telling you that you are worth so much more than that.  And you are dear.  Is counseling an option for you as well as seeing a physician with help for potential depression?

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, this is a trap that many fall into so don't feel alone.  First, the way you write of how you are feeling and how you are overwhelmed right now to the point of not being able to take care of your house and such to me sounds like you may be depressed.  Could that be the case?  If so, I think that getting some help is essential.  Depression is very treatable.  Issues with sleep, feeling hopeless, lethargic etc. are all symptoms of depression.  These symptoms must be present every day for at least 2 weeks in order to meet diagnostic criteria.  Again, depression is very treatable and it is hard to make things better in our life when we are under a cloud.  

So, many women use sex as a way to feel close to someone. They want to If you just wanted sex, then you'd not have the feelings that you do.  So, you are not a casual sex kind of girl.  Don't have it then.  You'll find the men that are serious about getting to know you will stick around and the ones that just want sex will be gone.  And that is okay.  You don't want them.

I do wish you luck.  Do you have a good relationship with your dad by the way?  

[TTinKKerBBell]

Try not sleeping with them until AFTER the relationship develops.