Aa
Should i contact him?
Ok heres the story... Ive been seeing this guy for like 5 months.I know him about 3 years and ive always liked him but i fell really badly for him about a few months ago when i really got to know him. He is a really nice guy but he gets jealous when it comes to me talking to other guys. He starts ignoring me, being mean to me and not spending as much time with me... He isnt my boyfriend so I continue talking to other guys and just having friends and hanging out with them. He has kind of an anger management problem... The most he does when hes angry (most of the time) is ignore me. He says the reason why we arent together is beacuse he cant trust me. But what i dont get is he isnt my boyfriend but expects me not to hang out with other guys. I even met his family and he introduced me as his girlfriend, his friends most of them think we're a couple. I admit a couple months ago I got drunk and kissed another guy and told him about it. He got reallyyyy angry and didnt talk to me in almost a 2 weeks. I messed up a little but everytime we have an arguement he brings it up. I gave him my passwrd for my facebook account. He had it for a really long time and I changed it when he ignored me. We fight all the time for everything, once he called his friend/ neighbour and told him not to call me and come around me because he is my boyfriend and everyone knows that. Most of his friends use girls so he tries to keep me away from them. I admit trying to make him jealous a couple times with my friend. At first but then i realise he is the jealous type. Recently i gave him my password for facebook and he went and saw some messages with me talking to other guys about normal things... I also remembered once he said to my friend... "I dont trust her, im trying but shes making it extremely hard, and she isnt reassuring at all, she needs to set her priorities straight,, she says shes not gonna do it and as i turn my back she does it! If that girl had like me she would have think about going and getting drunk and kissing another guy, or going out again with the same people i told her not to go anywhere with".... simple things he would get angry for like once i went to watch my friend take his tattoo and he got really angry. He is still angry about that and isnt talking to me 3 days. So im wondering if I should continue calling him because he wont answer or what the hell to do??? ive tried so hard with him!! I cant leave him because i love him and he isnt the type to reason with. What should i do???
Best Answer
Hi Kim, he was terribly hurt by another woman in the past and has put up a defensive wall not to get hurt again. If you sit him down and tell him you love him and tell him you want to become closer and really define your relationship, i think you will get what your looking for. He wants to feel safe with you before commiting.
At first we "love" "at first sight", then as we start to get to know someone, we define our relationship and what our expectations from the other person are. Then, we create a lifestyle together, and then we decide what type of love we have and whether we want that type of love continue. Because "love" is a very complex relationship, and has the tendency to be very emotional for both parties, and we need to give it our full respect and the time that is required for love to reach it's maturity....so be patient.
You admitted you played a game of wanting to make him jealous, he got jealous, it worked out, he cares about you and wants you as his love.......
he's immature, probably because of lack of experience....
he may have had a bad relationship, he may get over his trust issues , or he may make his next partner pay for his pain, we don't know that yet though....
he may have many deep seated problems, you don't know that yet because you're not that close, so again, run, or be patient and be fully informed about the person before you make any decisions........
this type of problem solving is part of life, at home, at work, anywhere. As complex human beings, we need to take things slow always and fully understand what really going on with ourselves and with other people before we make any rash decisions, always be in control of what's happening to you by always thinking a situation through fully.........
You admitted you played a game of wanting to make him jealous, he got jealous, it worked out, he cares about you and wants you as his love.......
he's immature, probably because of lack of experience....
he may have had a bad relationship, he may get over his trust issues , or he may make his next partner pay for his pain, we don't know that yet though....
he may have many deep seated problems, you don't know that yet because you're not that close, so again, run, or be patient and be fully informed about the person before you make any decisions........
this type of problem solving is part of life, at home, at work, anywhere. As complex human beings, we need to take things slow always and fully understand what really going on with ourselves and with other people before we make any rash decisions, always be in control of what's happening to you by always thinking a situation through fully.........
Relationships do not have to be hard and should start off healthy if possible. This man already shows you he has issues with trust, no matter how hard you try to show him you are a faithful woman it will not change his past thoughts. People that have trust issues has to learn to know they are worth loving it comes from within through Christ Jesus. When you know you are loved by God then you can love others until then you will always feel unloved and alone. Those who feel unloved will continue to hurt others while learning to receive love from God because God is Love and is the only way we can learn how to Love others is through Him.
I see this the same as SpecialMom and Londres. He's controlling and manipulating - and not even a BoyFriend? but You "love" Him?
When He feels more "ownership" in the relationship, He will be MORE demanding - not less.
Your last sentence: "He isn't the type to reason with" pretty much says it all. Are You prepared to go through a lifetime with SomeOne of this mind set?? Jealousy will not be Your ONLY issue down the road - there will be others and as You said, "He isn't the type to reason with".
You sound very Young. Give YourSelf time to know more people.....then make a better "choice" in a partner. We do have CHOICE - we are NOT bound to "love" SomeOne who is not a good Relationship for Us and Our Future Happiness. His Future Happiness is at stake as well - He's not "happy" being jealous and suspicious - He should have therapy to work on His insecurities.
When He feels more "ownership" in the relationship, He will be MORE demanding - not less.
Your last sentence: "He isn't the type to reason with" pretty much says it all. Are You prepared to go through a lifetime with SomeOne of this mind set?? Jealousy will not be Your ONLY issue down the road - there will be others and as You said, "He isn't the type to reason with".
You sound very Young. Give YourSelf time to know more people.....then make a better "choice" in a partner. We do have CHOICE - we are NOT bound to "love" SomeOne who is not a good Relationship for Us and Our Future Happiness. His Future Happiness is at stake as well - He's not "happy" being jealous and suspicious - He should have therapy to work on His insecurities.
He is controlling/manipulating. Don't confuse "control" with "love." RED FLAG.
He has anger management issues.......another RED FLAG.
"ive tried so hard with him!! I cant leave him because i love him and he isnt the type to reason with. What should i do???"...............Well, how to expect to have a relationship with a guy who you can't even reason with? Another RED FLAG. BTW: You can LEAVE him if you want that.
He is doing all this and he ISN'T even your bf OR wanting to be your bf? Why is that?
If you don't mind manipulation and control then go for it; pine after him. You will figure out in time you are making a terrible mistake.
Think long and hard about what you are doing here.
Totally agree with SM.
He has anger management issues.......another RED FLAG.
"ive tried so hard with him!! I cant leave him because i love him and he isnt the type to reason with. What should i do???"...............Well, how to expect to have a relationship with a guy who you can't even reason with? Another RED FLAG. BTW: You can LEAVE him if you want that.
He is doing all this and he ISN'T even your bf OR wanting to be your bf? Why is that?
If you don't mind manipulation and control then go for it; pine after him. You will figure out in time you are making a terrible mistake.
Think long and hard about what you are doing here.
Totally agree with SM.
COMMUNITY LEADER
Again, as I stated in the other post, you need to understand that this is not a healthy or mature kind of guy. He's using his giving the cold shoulder to you to manipulate you into doing what he wants. this doesn't get better but worse over time as you aren't even in a relationship with him yet. This does not mean he cares about you--- it means he wants to control you and this almost always ends very badly. Steer clear of a guy like this. Even if it is hard and you feel you like him, you will thank me later if you take my advice. good luck
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