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Is my sister telling the truth that my uncle molested her?
First of all, sorry for the long post. I tried my best to shorten it up. Secondly, thank you for the having the time to read this.
My sister is 12 years old. We live in a separate house because our parents are divorced. She stays with my mom, who works at night, my uncle and her 3 year old child Diane, and my brother, aged 18. So yesterday, my sister sent a text to my father saying that she is so scared but he must not panic. Seeing it as an emergency, my father rushed into their house to ask what the problem is. When we got there, we asked her what's wrong. She just said that our uncle scared her last night and that she just wants to go home with us. My father said no because they have school tomorrow. My father left and I stayed with my sister. I was kind of irritated because she always does that. She always texts our dad that something happened, something is an emergency, and that she needs to see him at once. She always exaggerate things. I believe that she does that because she thinks that no one would give her attention if she does not exaggerate her stories. Anyway, back to the story. I talked to her. I asked her why she was sobbing. At first she won't tell me anything but when we got out of for a walk, she told me that our uncle tried to touch her private parts last night. I was so shocked that I kept on asking her to repeat the whole story. As a sister, my first reaction was to get mad.I really wanted to punch my uncle in the face. I talked to my brother and told him everything. He got so angry as well. We kept on thinking that this must be true because it is too much for a 12 year old to lie about. I mean, where would she get that story and why would she even lie about it. We told our mom everything. All she said was that she was thinking. She wants to believe my sister badly but she keeps on saying that he knows his brother too well and he wouldn't do that. She even confronted our uncle but he denied it. He was firm that he did not do anything. I got angry at my mom for not believing in my sister. Then she talked to me. This was what she said.
She is not saying that she does not believe our sister nor does she say that our sister is lying. All she's saying is that our sister keeps on exaggerating thing. Our sister is angry at our uncle and his child. She is angry at our uncle because he always tells on my sister to our mom. Every time she does something wrong, my uncle immediately tells our mom. Therefore, she gets in a lot of trouble most of the time because of our uncle. Secondly, she hates our cousin because ever since they moved to another house, which was 6 months ago, all our attention went to our cousin because she's the youngest and we're all fond of kids. Our sister got used to being the baby before but since our parent divorced and they moved out, no one's been giving attention to her. Then my mom reminded me the numerous times my sister lied and how firm she was when she tells a lie. This made me think. Could my sister be lying or is she really telling the truth? Is it just a way to seek attention from us? All she keeps on saying to us now is that she want our mom to kick our uncle and his child out. Repeatedly. She does not want to live in my father's house. She just wants to get our uncle out of here. Is there any way that we can confirm if she is telling the truth or not? Please help me. I don't want that our uncle get kicked out of the house because of some lie. He has a child and they really have nowhere else to go. They have no money and my mom is the only ones helping them. As of now, I'm still on my sister's side. I really want to help her out. Thank you so much.
**My uncle and I are really close. Even my brother. He's like a best friend to us. So I really don't want him to get evicted if this is all just a lie. And I worry about our cousin.
My sister is 12 years old. We live in a separate house because our parents are divorced. She stays with my mom, who works at night, my uncle and her 3 year old child Diane, and my brother, aged 18. So yesterday, my sister sent a text to my father saying that she is so scared but he must not panic. Seeing it as an emergency, my father rushed into their house to ask what the problem is. When we got there, we asked her what's wrong. She just said that our uncle scared her last night and that she just wants to go home with us. My father said no because they have school tomorrow. My father left and I stayed with my sister. I was kind of irritated because she always does that. She always texts our dad that something happened, something is an emergency, and that she needs to see him at once. She always exaggerate things. I believe that she does that because she thinks that no one would give her attention if she does not exaggerate her stories. Anyway, back to the story. I talked to her. I asked her why she was sobbing. At first she won't tell me anything but when we got out of for a walk, she told me that our uncle tried to touch her private parts last night. I was so shocked that I kept on asking her to repeat the whole story. As a sister, my first reaction was to get mad.I really wanted to punch my uncle in the face. I talked to my brother and told him everything. He got so angry as well. We kept on thinking that this must be true because it is too much for a 12 year old to lie about. I mean, where would she get that story and why would she even lie about it. We told our mom everything. All she said was that she was thinking. She wants to believe my sister badly but she keeps on saying that he knows his brother too well and he wouldn't do that. She even confronted our uncle but he denied it. He was firm that he did not do anything. I got angry at my mom for not believing in my sister. Then she talked to me. This was what she said.
She is not saying that she does not believe our sister nor does she say that our sister is lying. All she's saying is that our sister keeps on exaggerating thing. Our sister is angry at our uncle and his child. She is angry at our uncle because he always tells on my sister to our mom. Every time she does something wrong, my uncle immediately tells our mom. Therefore, she gets in a lot of trouble most of the time because of our uncle. Secondly, she hates our cousin because ever since they moved to another house, which was 6 months ago, all our attention went to our cousin because she's the youngest and we're all fond of kids. Our sister got used to being the baby before but since our parent divorced and they moved out, no one's been giving attention to her. Then my mom reminded me the numerous times my sister lied and how firm she was when she tells a lie. This made me think. Could my sister be lying or is she really telling the truth? Is it just a way to seek attention from us? All she keeps on saying to us now is that she want our mom to kick our uncle and his child out. Repeatedly. She does not want to live in my father's house. She just wants to get our uncle out of here. Is there any way that we can confirm if she is telling the truth or not? Please help me. I don't want that our uncle get kicked out of the house because of some lie. He has a child and they really have nowhere else to go. They have no money and my mom is the only ones helping them. As of now, I'm still on my sister's side. I really want to help her out. Thank you so much.
**My uncle and I are really close. Even my brother. He's like a best friend to us. So I really don't want him to get evicted if this is all just a lie. And I worry about our cousin.
In the original post she says many times that the uncle tells her mom everything. This means he is in constant contact with her and very involved this the families ties. This leads me to believe that he did not try to touch her as she says as he knows she would say something. Also he might not have tried to touch her in that way but was trying to fix her pants. Close family members do have some personal things that they are allowed to do over a stanger. I remember when my sister was 12 (im 15 years older) and she wore a bra for the first time. I looked at her breasts and she told me that i was being nasty. I told her that i just noticed the bra for the first time. I wasnt staring but did a quick glance. but i could tell she was threatened and very sensitive about sexual things.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I wasn't saying WE as in anyone in particular but everyone including myself. As much as it seems she could be lying----- what if she isn't.
And agree that the Uncle may be leaving to get away from the issue because he doesn't want to be accused (wrongfully or otherwise) or anything more. I think it is a good thing for him to leave as well.
And agree that the Uncle may be leaving to get away from the issue because he doesn't want to be accused (wrongfully or otherwise) or anything more. I think it is a good thing for him to leave as well.
To add: I did say there was a POSSIBILITY she is lying, not that she is definitely lying.
"We all can say the child is lying but what if she isn't"....SM
Well....I never said the girl is lying......what I said was that just because the uncle is leaving the home doesn't make him guilty automatically. It is smart that he is leaving whether he is guilty or not.
If all this is going on the mother should consult someone professional who can help her sort this situation out to get some kind of clarity.
As I said in my INITIAL post these situations are just very difficult to sort out period. It is a case of "he said/she said."
Well....I never said the girl is lying......what I said was that just because the uncle is leaving the home doesn't make him guilty automatically. It is smart that he is leaving whether he is guilty or not.
If all this is going on the mother should consult someone professional who can help her sort this situation out to get some kind of clarity.
As I said in my INITIAL post these situations are just very difficult to sort out period. It is a case of "he said/she said."
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm of the notion that the uncle needs to move for two reasons. One, what if it is true. We all can say the child is lying but what if she isn't. And two, he needs to protect himself from accusations.
I feel for a 12 year old that may have learned manipulation as a way to survive. While it isn't a good trait, it is often born out of unfortunate circumstances.
I don't know about the family dynamics here and how they contribute to all of this but am sure that they do.
good luck
I feel for a 12 year old that may have learned manipulation as a way to survive. While it isn't a good trait, it is often born out of unfortunate circumstances.
I don't know about the family dynamics here and how they contribute to all of this but am sure that they do.
good luck
If the Uncle molested Little Sister it needs to be known. If He is a Child molester - there are still other Little Girls out there who are in danger. You are MORALLY obligated to find the truth - If Little Sister is lying You all need to know that and if Uncle is lying then the authorities need to know - the next Little Girl will have to be kept from talking and You know what that means!! There are Children in the news right now that did not survive Their ordeal with a molester. Child predators don't stop molesting and they become MORE dangerous. If You don't find the truth or report this so the truth can be found, then You ARE "taking chances regarding this matter" - very serious chances, indeed. Someone is lying and this is a Big, Life Changing Lie, be it Him, or be it Her.
Please, You Should Do Something!
Please, You Should Do Something!
Then find the closest place. as Tink and Londres are stressing it is a horrific thing he is being accused of. You have your life and to me are assuming way to much here. There is a persons lifes reputation at stake. I think it is worth the small effort to drive to a place where the test is offered. If the girl is lying and gets away with it she will do it again, This is a great power for a young girl to have and believe me, grand power to a young person is a very tempting thing to possess.
I know that nothing's been solved but my mom's going to talk to him later. Unfortunately, polygraph tests aren't available in where we live. I just don't want to take any chances regarding this matter.
Well....if you were accused of something so horrific wouldn't you be acting different?
I can't say his moving out equates guilt....it could equate he doesn't want to be accused of "this and that" and caught up in unnecessary drama.
I can't say his moving out equates guilt....it could equate he doesn't want to be accused of "this and that" and caught up in unnecessary drama.
I sorta see this the same way as Life360. I don't think Uncle moving out is necessarily a sign of guilt. He could be completely innocent but is now afraid of what Your Sister might accuse Him of next. If He is charged with molestation - well, that ostrasizes Him for the rest of His life. If this is reported He would be removed from the house anyway simple for the safety of the Child whether She is telling the truth or not. They would remove Him FIRST and FOREMOST and then conduct the investigation - so, I don't think it's fair either, to assume His move as a sign of guilt. The other really sad part of this situation is if Little Sister IS being dishonest, She sees this as a win and could this could lay the ground work for Her to take advantage of lying to get what She wants Her entire life. If She IS being dishonest, She needs to learn She cannot make such serious allegations against an innocent person.
Good Luck With This
Good Luck With This
We still dont know the truth. Nothing has been accomplished only suspicion and the possibility that the uncle has been falsely accused. You can still do something about it by having the child take the ploygrapth. please dont continue with only suspicions its not fair. and you owe more than signs of guilt to the uncle.
Hey guys, I just found out that my uncle's looking for another house already. We haven't talked to him since so he doesn't know that we've been thinking about kicking him out. That's good for everyone, I guess. As for me, I think that's a sign of being guilty. He won't even let her daughter out of their room. They're locked in their room up all day long. He acts differently around me now.
I feel sad that all of these happened. To think that Christmas is just around the corner. I really am close with our cousin. Now, I think he's distancing her child from us and we can't do anything about it. Anyway, thank you for all your support. It's really nice to talk to strangers sometimes. :)
I feel sad that all of these happened. To think that Christmas is just around the corner. I really am close with our cousin. Now, I think he's distancing her child from us and we can't do anything about it. Anyway, thank you for all your support. It's really nice to talk to strangers sometimes. :)
OMGolly!! I DO NOT know words to comfort You or advise You!! I'm only here to say I realize!! and I understand!! Your predicament AND Your delimma in this situation. OF COURSE!! You don't want Your Baby Sister to be molested!! OF COURSE!! You don't want Your Uncle to be falsely accused. This would follow Him the rest of His days - so absolutely, You would want to be certain He's guilty of this accusation.. I don't profess to know the solution here - but Others' have suggested polygraph and, I too, think that may be the only choice You all have in order to feel more certainty. Your Uncle MUST understand that You have to pursue this and Your Sister MUST understand that She has to be willing to "prove" Her accusation since it is coming against a member of the Family - a member Who is important to Many others and that You CANNOT ostracize Him without validation. If She IS telling the truth, I would think She would be up for validation. Perhaps tell Her, You don't WANT to doubt Her but You ALSO don't want to doubt Your Uncle, so this is a MAJOR delimma for You. Bottom line, if He HAS done such a thing, that Your Support, Your Loyalty is for Her, but in You own mind You HAVE to absolutely sure that You are taking the correct stand.
Good Luck - I SO hope You can figure what to do and that it's the "right" thing to do. My heart is heavy for You to have this predicament!!
Good Luck - I SO hope You can figure what to do and that it's the "right" thing to do. My heart is heavy for You to have this predicament!!
She does not want to live with me and my father because our aunt and grandma there verbally abuses us. They have this anger issues I think. My sister's childhood wasn't really something I'd wish for any child to deal with. Anyway, I tried asking her if she really is sure. She was firm on her answer. She even agrees to take a polygraph test. I told her that our uncle could be sent into prison for this so she should really be sure. That she should think about the consequences of her action if this wasn't true. After a few hours, she talked to me. Told me that it was just a lie. All she wants is for them to leave the house. I told her that it would be okay. That I'll do my best to sort it out. Then just now she asked me what's going to happen. I told her that due to her saying that it was all a lie, our uncle's going to stay here. Then she told me that it wasn't a lie, again. Everything really happened. She just told me that she said that because she doesn't want our uncle to be in prison because she said that she does not want our cousin to grow without a father, with a broken home, like her.
I'm just so tired right now. This is a case of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'. I seriously think that she's telling the truth but basically everyone doesn't believe in her anymore. I really feel sorry for her.
As for my uncle, he won't talk to me. Let alone look me in the eye. My mom said that my uncle's acting like that because he got hurt that I wasn't talking to him anymore, that I judged him immediately. For me, I think he's evading me because I was the only one who did not believe in him.
I really am confused right now. I feel sorry for my sister that no one believes in her. My mom, brother and sister thinks she's crazy. That really hurt her. What if it happened to me and no one believed me?
All I'm going to do now is be there for my sister, I guess. I'd like for her to have someone she can confide in with or just talk to. If I have to sacrifice the relationship I have with my uncle, then so be it. I won't ever regret that I chose to believe my sister. After all, I'm the only one she's got. Any opinion would be appreciated. And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You guys really helped a lot.
I'm just so tired right now. This is a case of 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'. I seriously think that she's telling the truth but basically everyone doesn't believe in her anymore. I really feel sorry for her.
As for my uncle, he won't talk to me. Let alone look me in the eye. My mom said that my uncle's acting like that because he got hurt that I wasn't talking to him anymore, that I judged him immediately. For me, I think he's evading me because I was the only one who did not believe in him.
I really am confused right now. I feel sorry for my sister that no one believes in her. My mom, brother and sister thinks she's crazy. That really hurt her. What if it happened to me and no one believed me?
All I'm going to do now is be there for my sister, I guess. I'd like for her to have someone she can confide in with or just talk to. If I have to sacrifice the relationship I have with my uncle, then so be it. I won't ever regret that I chose to believe my sister. After all, I'm the only one she's got. Any opinion would be appreciated. And thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You guys really helped a lot.
To me it sounds like she just hates the uncle since he is always telling on her. It really would be a better situation for her to live with her Dad. She needs him at this stage of her life. I wish you all the best.
At this point, I would think offering the sister a chance to move in with her dad would be the way to go. If she takes that, great, problem solved. If she doesn't take that and continues to live with her mother, it seems to me she's making this up.
I have to say here that I'm not one of those people who always believes sexual abuse allegations. I think they're often lies or at least distortions. In your sister's case, there is more than ample evidence that she's making this up.
I must say right now, your uncle is in a VERY dicey place here. His whole life is on the line - if she continues to want him out, she may ramp up her accusations and he may end up in prison.
Is there any way your uncle and his child can come live with your father? I think your sister is a totally loose cannon, and she's a danger to everyone right now.
I have to say here that I'm not one of those people who always believes sexual abuse allegations. I think they're often lies or at least distortions. In your sister's case, there is more than ample evidence that she's making this up.
I must say right now, your uncle is in a VERY dicey place here. His whole life is on the line - if she continues to want him out, she may ramp up her accusations and he may end up in prison.
Is there any way your uncle and his child can come live with your father? I think your sister is a totally loose cannon, and she's a danger to everyone right now.
I think I might be tempted to ask the 12-year-old (and, for fairness, the uncle) to take a polygraph test. As Londres says, if the child was really being molested, she would be very glad to move away from the molester, she would go to her dad's happily and wouldn't want to come anywhere near the uncle. The fact that she is saying she got molested AND the only solution is for the uncle and cousin to leave, seems that perhaps she might simply be attempting to manipulate the situation.
This is a serious issue that needs a true answer. Some one in your family should ask the uncle that this needs to be cleared up for the family to go foward in life and that you do believe him but would like him to take a polygraph test. These tests can be arranged privately throurgh your local police dept. I would not have the 12 year old do the test but only the uncle. If he is innocent he will take it.
Pfff. This has got to be a very difficult position for you all to be in especially your mother.
Well.....what kinds of things has your sister lied about in the past?
I hate to say this, but perhaps she could be lying about this too. It is difficult to believe her based on her behavior of lying and embellishing situations. Then you stated she doesn't like the uncle and his child there.
Hmmm.....I just don't know. I mean, if I was almost molested I wouldn't care if I had to leave my mother's house to live at my father's house so long as I was NO where near the person who was trying to molest me.
There is really no way to "prove" this; this is a "he said she said" situation. Ideally, your sister probably should stay with you and your father and this should be futher looked into. Your mother should consult a child psychologist about this and get his/her opinion on the matter.
It just looks too suspicious that your sister didn't like the living situation and is willing to do anything to make the living situation to her liking. If this is the case, then I would say your sister needs some professional help.
Difficult to really figure out what to believe. One hand you don't want your uncle and his child out on the street because of a lie and on the other hand you don't want your sister not to be taken seriously and end up being actually molested or raped.
Well.....what kinds of things has your sister lied about in the past?
I hate to say this, but perhaps she could be lying about this too. It is difficult to believe her based on her behavior of lying and embellishing situations. Then you stated she doesn't like the uncle and his child there.
Hmmm.....I just don't know. I mean, if I was almost molested I wouldn't care if I had to leave my mother's house to live at my father's house so long as I was NO where near the person who was trying to molest me.
There is really no way to "prove" this; this is a "he said she said" situation. Ideally, your sister probably should stay with you and your father and this should be futher looked into. Your mother should consult a child psychologist about this and get his/her opinion on the matter.
It just looks too suspicious that your sister didn't like the living situation and is willing to do anything to make the living situation to her liking. If this is the case, then I would say your sister needs some professional help.
Difficult to really figure out what to believe. One hand you don't want your uncle and his child out on the street because of a lie and on the other hand you don't want your sister not to be taken seriously and end up being actually molested or raped.
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