Wow, I just looked at your age, you are 23? So I am guessing that he is around the same age?
I don't think you need anyone to justify your break up as long as you think it is a good reason but.....since you asked. Yes, I think it is a good reason, he was basically throwing a tantrum, when I read this post I though I was reading one of a 16 year old based on how he acted throughout the attempted date. Even when he was being a jerk you were trying your hardest to salvage the date and he STILL managed to ruin it.
I still don't understand why he couldn't have just filled his tank up on the way to the restaurant. Not at all justifying his behavior but I think he was feeling really small since his girlfriend was driving and paying for dinner but if that is the case he should have done something about it.
Thank you!!! It just makes me feel better knowing I did the right thing. Sometimes I think that he wasn't "that rude" just because I love him. But from the outside looking in...its nice to know what other people see of it.
Jeez, what an immature jerk!
I wouldn't have even driven him back home to his car; I would have left his stupid, coat-less rear end in the cold to get a taxi to get back to his car with an empty tank of gas.
A good reason to break up?! Heck yes! He whined and complained like a baby even when you did all you could to, like GRose said, salvage the date and show him compassion amidst his 10 year old girl-like tantrum. Then he lost his temper and shouted a humiliating insult at you in front of tons of people, not to mention the awkwardness both you and the waitor must have felt at him refusing to order and eat and making an argument with you about it. Seriously!
You deserve a man that has a maturity level beyond a 10 year old girl's, along with respect, decency, and appreciation for you.
Thanks! You are making me feel so much better! I was thinking of getting back with him today...mistake. I didn't live with him, luckily.
So yeah, after reading what you wrote, honestly you are so better off without him. He needs to grow up and stop acting like a baby. And if he loved you he never ever would have said such a hurtful thing to you. My boyfriend of almost 2 years gets mad at me and the same goes that i get mad at him, but we never do stuff like that to one another. I'm sorry but I think your ex needs to grow up and stop acting like a 2 year old.
I agree, its hard to see just because i'm in love with him. So the things he does I don't see as a big deal, and that's why i was having second thoughts. But a couple days before that, i got a coupon for dinner at two meals for $12.50. So i took him out to that, and he decided after I paid that he didn't like the food they served so he didn't eat. And then he got mad for no reason and told me that I was being mean because he wanted to go get my money back and I didn't want to make a scene. so he went straight home. I just feel like I work hard to make him happy and nothing works! But now I feel guilty because he is being nice, but i can't give in!
Of course he's being nice. He wants you back. But I guarantee his behavior will be on the up and up for a week or so and then he will pull that bs act on you again soon. He's very immature and ungrateful. You are better off without someone like that.
That's true...if I get back with him then he will just go back to his mean self after a couple months like before!
I have an ex husband like this. No matter what I did he was never happy with me. I had a car that was in perfect condition, it was paid for, it was my first piece of good credit and I was VERY proud of myself for owning it. Anyway, his truck's lease ran out and he was unable to finance it because his credit was crappy at the time, so he was left without a vehicle. I let him use my car to go back and forth to work with, and he griped about it the whole time.. "the car is too small", "your car smells funny", "I can't stand a standard car", "the car is burning oil", blah blah blah blah.. so when it came time to buy a new car for him, he wanted to TRADE my car in! The dealership only wanted to give $200 for my car!! I was in tears because he kept insisting that I needed to trade it in because it was old and ugly and was a piece of sh*t. I said F you, i am NOT trading my car in! In the time it took him to finally work out a deal on the SUV he was buying he by "accident" left the handbreak down on the car 2 times in three days.. my car rolled into a busy Maryland suburb street... by the grace of God no one hit the car, or was hit by it. Just because it was mine and because he was in a lousy spot in life, he had to make me feel lousy too. Like you whatever I did nice he found a way to make me look like an a**. If I paid for dinner "it s*cked", if I paid for a movie "it s*cked", anything that I paid for he hated. period. I honestly think it is some kind of chemical imbalance that blocks them from accepting and appreciating the things they are given.
The most complicated part of my relationship was that he wanted me to throw myself at this feet and lick them if he paid for something for me. I mean he would throw a hissy fit if I did not whale over how wonderful he was for thinking of me and appreciative for the things he did for me. It was such an uncomfortable marriage. Constantly walking on eggshells and constantly having to watch what you do or say... it's just not normal.
You cannot please people like this.
I can't believe that!! Its crazy!! I'm so scared I won't find someone I love as much as him though! And I won't have the same feelings...and be excited to see if...and wanna be with him so much...and the same for him.
You will, you always feel like that but then you move on and eventually meet someone new that you start developing those feelings for. It takes time but your situation is still fresh. You need to give it a chance. It is hard but you will see as time goes by it gets easier.
Thank you! I hope that its soon!
Is this the same guy you broke up with in June?
Sounds like you'll be better off without him. That said, is it possible that your perspective of your part in this relationship is inaccurate or slanted? Could it be possible that his perspective of you is very different than your perspective of you? Just wondering if pinching his face like that is common or if you buy things to control him or perhaps how you say things isn't how he hears them? Not saying I think you do, just wondering if his perspective of you could be very different than your perspective of you. It sounds like you still should not be in a relationship with this guy regardless--just giving you something to think about.
NO..pinching his face is NOT common, I know it was wrong, but he wasn't listening to me, he wouldn't even look at me! I barely pinched him, i didn't squeeze his cheek. AND NO!!!! I don't buy him things to control him!! Where would you even get that!? I hardley ever buy him anything! I bought him dinner twice last week, so what? We had been dating a year, its not always up to him to pay! I have never tried to control him!
Definitely good enough reasons to break up with him. I am also going through a difficult breakup right now (also at our 1 year point) and it's like I keep trying to convince myself that maybe it is actually better to be with him instead of without him.. But NO. Be strong! You deserve better! And seriously, in all honesty, I also thought I was reading a post from a 16 year old! His behavior is ridiculous and embarassing. Time will help, but you should stay strong and move on!
Thanks so much!! And its good to hear from other people that are going through the same thing. Its so hard to be strong! He always texts, trying to be so nice, so i think he's changed...but he hasn't. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup!
This is the type of guy that everything that does not go his way will be your fault. I am guessing that you are already contemplating taking him back. Arent you? Come on, be honest!
"its not always up to him to pay!"
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Says him (and you listened)
I never understood women who pay for dates and its not just because I am alot older than you because even when I was your age, some of my friends paid for their boyfriend or would go half. I always told them they were off their rocker.
You said you are afraid of being alone, but there are plenty of good men out there and no reason for you to be alone, but let a man be a man and let him pay for dinners and things like that. Maybe thats why he seemed to resent you that night. If he is going thru hard times with money, so that his ego doesn't get hurt by you paying, you could have made a nice candle light dinner or something. And if he's NOT going thru hard times job wise or whatever - there is no reason for you to pay. You are creating a monster. I'm serious. Next you'll be feeding him grapes. I'm good to my husband, but when we were dating the only time I paid for his dinner was his birthday. Once you get married its all one pot - so thats different, but break them in right! Yep, I know cheap men hate to hear things like this -but real men and women that aren't libbers would agree - maybe. Well doesn't matter if no one agrees. I wouldn't be with a man who expects me to pay for anything period.
I'm not saying this to offend you, but don't buy a mans love. It won't work. Men like a challenge. There are so many women that will fall all over a man - dime a dozen, let a man pursue you, not you him.
I'll copy and paste my last comment again below (you obviously didn't read that part):
"Not saying I think you do, just wondering if his perspective of you could be very different than your perspective of you. It sounds like you still should not be in a relationship with this guy regardless--just giving you something to think about."
Obvious a case of he's wrong, you didn't do anything wrong within the relationship. However, what you DID do wrong is choose poorly. Especially if this isn't the first time you've chosen this type of guy.
All the best to you.
Daisy, sometimes guys get in some kind of a pissy mood, and don't seem all that happy.
But for him to say that to you loudly in a restaurant, something is gravely wrong with him boyfriend-wise.
If that was the only thing he ever did that seemed off, I'd still think that was enough. As it is, he's always whizzed off about something.
What do you like about him? I hate him already and I've never met the guy. I bet people at the other tables haven't forgotten that scene, you trying to placate, him being an a*hole.
Good riddance to bad trash, I say.
Daisy, you say you don't want to be alone but you ARE alone. Just because a man is physically available doesn't mean he's emotionally available. You might have someone to sit with at dinner, but that's all. You still don't have the specialness that makes a relationship tick. That's not your fault. This one just isn't *the* one. That has NOTHING to do with you - it's all his issue.
Believe me, there are guys out there, stuck with difficult girls, wondering whether is they leave, will they ever meet a nice girl that they can be with. You know, the kind of guys who will smile *with* you because he knows you worked hard to afford a nice meal, and won't feel threatened or punish you for doing well in your life. There are great guys out there, who once you get to know them, STAY sweet and caring (it's not just a temporary phase). They won't jerk you around or make you drive an extra block just to show that - even though you have money - they're still in control.
The only catch is meeting a great guy takes time, and usually happens after some disappointment. But that's because, like you, they're rare. So it takes a little chance and some luck meeting them. When it happens, you'll know what you were missing from this guy with no hard feelings. Good luck!
Honey, the way it seems, if you'd continue your relationship with this man, he would make you a really depressed, perhaps abused woman. I can see why he got offended if you did keep telling him that you were buying him dinner, but that does not give him a right to complain the whole time or be so mean to you. I'm glad that you've been strong and not gotten back with him. Stay strong honey and thank God that you got out of that one in time :)
Thank you so much! I'm going to print out your comments and read them over and over when I get weak!