Leave or work things out?

[HeatherLynB]

Last night around 9pm i get a call from my little sister, she was whispering, which made me mad at first lol, but then i realized she was crying and trying not to be loud. She was sitting in her closet crying trying to catch her breath...when she calmed down a bit she told me that she went to get on the laptop when she saw that skype was up. Her husband said he was showing his mom how to use it to talk her friends back home (his mom is visting) she said ok, but then noticed there was another conversation so she clicked it and it was some girl her husband went to school with, she read a little bit of it and it seemed friendly and as she was about to exit off it she saw...

Husband: "are you dressed?"
Girl: Lol Why?
Husband: Cause id hate to call you while ur naked...even tho i wouldnt mind seeing that...hahaha lol hahaha

She said she looked at him, shut the laptop and went upstairs to call me.  I told her that he had no right to say things like that to other women! She said he tried to tell her the girl is a lesbian and that it was a joke! LIKE ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME!? Man i felt so bad, she cried and cried and cried...to make things worse, she is 7 months pregnant! He kept telling her he loves her and it was a joke, but honestly why joke about something like that? Any feed back on some advice here? Shes over at my parents house, she packed some things and left while everyone was sleeping i met her over there and she was all puffy from crying and now running a fever. I feel so bad and so hurt for her. What would you do in a situation like this?

[penswriter]

Like I tell my moms, aunts and cousins who insist on butting in on my marriage, let it be. It's her life, her marriage, her husband. If she wants to leave she should do it on HER terms...not what sisters say. If she wants therapy, she should do it on THEIR terms. Yes...their. Not hers. Theirs. A marriage is about two people not one. If one commits to therapy and not the other 9 x's out of 10 it won't work. If they BOTH agree on it. Good for them.

Either way...just butt out. Give minimal advice, let her know it's her life and her marriage THEY need to work on it.

One thing that REALLY REALLY REALLY strains a marriage is having other people give their 2 cents about what you should do. It's irritating and is a good way to get pushed away. I've already pushed away 85% of my friends and family b/c they simply can't keep their comments and "advice" to themselves about something they know nothing about.Out of you and your sisters, the only one who truly knows her husband...is her.

[specialmom]

I think it is important to remember Heather that people post a here and others try to help them which often includes a different perspective than one was originally looking at the situation.  Even when we do not like the advice, it is usually given with the best of intentions.  

[Redhenful]

I would investigate further..
But most likely..hes just a cheating creep..
There is no other reason for him to talk to another woman that way.. none. Period.
So..hes either already cheating..or trying to...
Personally, i'd leave..real quick.
My relationship with my husband is built on trust.. if i cant trust him then we have nothing.... And there is no sense in staying together and ME being miserable.

[HeatherLynB]

Before you bring children and husbands into this get your facts straight! Every family has drama and i do not involve my daughter or my husband in "sister drama". And as far as you saying i stand to lose in this situtation...what may that be? Because im not here telling my sister to get a divorce! I titled this post "leave or work things out" to get feed back of what other people would do...not to run off and tell my sister to get a divorce! Open your eyes and READ BETTER before you start telling me that i need to back away from my sisters marriage...i do not get invovled, i support her choices and comfort her in any way that i can.

[HeatherLynB]

Thanks for writing back everyone! I do not bash my sisters husband nor do i say negative things about him. Yeah i may call him a jerk and a say he can sometimes be a d*uche bag, but all in all i just comfort her. All i told her was that its not right for him to be writing those kinds of comments to other women. My sister said she felt fat & ugly...i had to reassure her that sometimes guys can be dogs and their brains shut off for a pair of t*ts! But i do not tell her to leave him or divorce divorce him. She asked me what she should do and i always tell her to talk it out or if she is mad to step away and cool down so that arguments dont get heated. Oh and HaYnSweetie isnt our real sister lol, we have known eachother for years, shes like my little sister. Her and my little sister are very close so she knows more of the situation than i do, but we both dont tell her to leave her husband, every couple has problems and we are there to list and comfort her when she is upset.

[RockRose]

Heather,  I just went to your profile.  Between you and your other sister discussing the third sister's husband who has a wandering eye on an internet bulletin board,  and discussing it with her on the phone,  I think all of you need to back away from your sister's marriage and let her either learn from this or not.  

I can't imagine that all  this sister drama is a positive force in your lives with your children and husbands.

[RockRose]

What specialmom said,  about treading lightly in the advice department.

This is her life,  and you only stand to lose here.  It's likely she won't break up with this guy,  and it's likely if you take her side in all this your sister will tell her husband what you said and then they'll both hate you.

She's a grown woman now,  about to be a Mom,  and she needs to keep private arguments between her husband and herself private - unless they involve something like physical abuse or suspected child abuse.  

You do not stand to win here.

[specialmom]

I agree with Vance.  I'd tell her to investigate it further but to not blow it too out of proportion.  Is it great?  No.  Would I be upset?  Yes.  Is it cause for immediate divorce?  Not in my opinion.  Do they have other marriage issues?

By the way, make sure you tread lightly in the advice department.  You do not want to be blamed for any decisions she makes now nor do you want to bash her husband if she stays with him----------- she'll always remember what you said.  So just be supportive but don't get too overly involved.  This is her marriage to figure things out in.  good luck

[Vance2335]

While the comments to another woman are hurtful I see no reason to up and leave over that. If this is an isolated incident then just a comment to a woman (espically if it was a joke) is no reason to leave. I think she should go back to her husband and talk with him.