tacky..sort of

[love138]

I actually never did this but, i was thinking about it months ago..anyways there was this nice guy who fixed something in a relatives house.. anyway i was instantly attracted to him when i first saw him and wanted to say something to him but i felt insecure about it and didnt really say anything..fast forward i was thinking about calling his business card to try and ask him a question about something business related hoping it'll lead to something else but never did b/c i felt it would be sort of stalkerish and tacky..which it is. would it have been tacky? lol Thinking about it now I sort of regret not saying anything to him b/c he seemed like a decent guy with a good head on his shoulders. I believe he works in the area where this relative lives but theres a small to none chance that i would actually run into him again

[Londres70]

Ditto SM.....can't say it any better than that.

[specialmom]

love, I'm curious what you are getting out of this.  I think in situations like what you describe, the fantasy of it all is very intriguing and the uncovering of the mystery is like an adrenaline rush.  It's like an out of control crush that isn't really based on reality.  This concerns me.  This guy most likely isn't anything like you fantasize him to be.  He could be with a partner and have a life that isn't open to someone right now, etc.  Don't waste valuable time in your life doing these things that are bordering on obsession in my opinion.  

Instead, and I say this with brute honesty, get busy in your life.  When I've been tempted to do these sorts of things, I'm essentially kind of bored, lonely, etc.  Throw yourself into work, school, bettering yourself and your life.  Get out there and live an authentic life and fight the urge to live for memories of a slight contact with someone and then fantasizing it into something more.  

Wouldn't it be better, for example, to join a gym, go work out on a regular basis (good for mind body and soul) and while there strike up conversations with a guy that is also there.  And then get to know him.  And find out you have actual things in common and you are both available so why not go out sometime?  That is dating.  When you have to work so hard to 'find' someone, etc.  there is just too much fantasy involved for it to ever really materialize into anything healthy.  Don't waste your life away doing that and live for what is right in front of you.  good luck

[Londres70]

Is this not playing games?  Having a fictitious profile on FB to check someone out?  That is a violation as far as rules are concerned.  I would recommend you deactivate that account asap and not try to contact that guy in this manner.

Is this the same guy your friend tried to contact for you using FB a while ago?  If it is I would recommend you not contact him again.

[love138]

Im like 80 percent sure

[love138]

I seriously need advice. I think i found the guy on FB but im not too sure if its him. I made a FB page under a different name just to be nosy to look at someone else page..because i dont use that site..out of curiousity i look him up and i think i found him but im not sure..should i message him to make sure  if its him? Honestly i dont use FB
and it sort of looks like the guy but im not sure.

[love138]

I don't play any games with these guys. I don't give them a chance. With that other guy, I wasn't completely sure about him that's why it lasted the way it did.

I was asking because I was considering calling and I wanted to see what others would think. No harm in that. If anything happens I'll update but like I stated I don't think it was any harm in asking for others advice

[Londres70]

"fast forward i was thinking about calling his business card to try and ask him a question about something business related hoping it'll lead to something else but never did b/c i felt it would be sort of stalkerish and tacky..which it is. would it have been tacky?"..........Then you say "know...its very awkward at this point b/c i was seriously considering calling around that time  but i felt it was tacky."  If you thought it was tacky then there really is no point asking others about it.  

"dont do anything to attract these loser guys..they approach me..i dont approach them. I dont give them anything to feed off of. They just think im attractive or whatever and try to talk to me and play games.".......Well, then.....just don't play the game with them for one minute, one month or one year.  

All the best.  

[love138]

Im not talking to that other guy anymore I dont think that it was tacky to look him up  considering I knew the guy and we had conversations and i got to hang around him for awhile. I deleted his #. I felt like I needed complete closure in that situation thats why i did it. The thing with him is that he lead me on in a way and I didnt understand what his problem was..but i knew something was off with him even when we first met i just wasnt completely sure...now I have closure so that situation is over.

With this guy i dont know him..he doesnt know me..doesnt even know my name and i do think its tacky to call him because i didnt really talk to him I just said Hi to him..that its and he pretty much said hi to me and asked me how i was doing...that was it. I didnt have any conversation with him..

I dont do anything to attract these loser guys..they approach me..i dont approach them. I dont give them anything to feed off of. They just think im attractive or whatever and try to talk to me and play games

Im not sure on what im going to do..someone who commented said i should leave it alone b/c it was months ago and i agree with them as well

[Londres70]

I see some major concerns here:

"I do have a fear of rejection...also embarrassement...thats why I never approached him in the first place .".............Probably should work on this as this has to be resolved before you can proceed.  Definitely an obstacle.

Seems like you start thinking negative about the situation before it is even begon.......negative talk, i.e. he might be married or taken already, he might be a loser just like the ones I met before, he probably won't remember me (which you can't say he does or doesn't), he is too good-looking to be single, etc.  You do this until you've completely talked yourself out of taking the chance and have no more courage to proceed with the situation.  

In regards to the past "losers".......there is always a chance this will happen, however, if it seems like it is a pattern I would say you need to reevaluate what you are doing/saying to attract these men and most importantly are you seeing or receiving red flags from these men and aren't heeding to them.  For example, I just viewed your other post about a man you met in a class and outside of class you both only chatted via text.  Although this was a "red flag" you proceeded with the situation.  You even had someone checked out his FB for you after almost a year of pursuing when you should have left the situation completely alone.  It was clearly obvious he wasn't interested in anything serious or having an actual relationship with you.  I would consider this......."stalkerish and tacky"........I am using your words.  

Then.....you are saying it's being "weird and tacky" about pursuing this other man you saw 6 months ago.  He hasn't given you any indication that he isn't interested, however, you won't pursue him.  This isn't "stalkerish and tacky" at all.  This is called "taking a chance."

I think you should figure yourself out first before thinking about pursuing anyone.  You are having problems appropriately assessing these situations and appropriately responding.  

[love138]

I know...its very awkward at this point b/c i was seriously considering calling around that time  but i felt it was tacky. He wouldnt remember unless he has good memory. Im just disappointed i never said anything to him and when someone told me they recently saw him around i felt like it was a sign or something...lol

[TTinKKerBBell]

I don't think it's "weird" but I do think enough time has passed that it might be a little awkward at this stage.  What if He hardly remembers You by now? and You had to remind Him what, when and where?  I kinda, sorta agree with You that it would be a bit tacky now - You said it was "months ago".

Don't be afraid to show an attraction if such an opportunity arises in the future.  That's what flirting is for; to let each other know when there is an attraction.

[love138]

No one think that it's weird to do?

[love138]

I'm all about taking chances but it's sort of seems tacky to me

[love138]

More than likely I am going to leave it alone. I just wanted to see if it would haven been weird to do because at 1 point I thought about it

[TTinKKerBBell]

You said this was months ago?  I think I would probably let this go after so much time has passed but I would use this experience to encourage myself next time I felt an attraction to someone.
Whatever You decide, I wish You luck

[love138]

I dont have low self esteem..im just a bit insecure about it..and its so random to call someone out of the blue after all this time (his business card) when he probably doesnt remember me..i know if the roles were reversed i would probably be shocked but flattered if a guy did that especially if he wasnt a loser and it was coming from a geniune place

[love138]

I do have a fear of rejection...also embarrassement...thats why I never approached him in the first place  (and i thought he was involved which he probably is). I was a bit shy about it. I didnt think he would of been interested in me so i never said anything (hes a bit older than me). I didnt really talk to him b/c i was nervous. I pretty much said "hi" and thats it..It is an email on the card but its his work email..

also at the time i was thinking about this other guy that i was talking to who i did like but i felt that he was playing games with me and i guess that sort of made me not want to say anything to this guy b/c of that situation..i guess his life was more "put together"  than mine and he thought that i was naive or whatever b/c he was a little bit older than me as well...with this guy i now regret not saying anything to him...b/c the guys who have approached me after that were losers.....theres no chance that i'll run into this guy anywhere but if i do see him i would approach him. Im sort of a hopeless romantic as well so im hoping i'll run into him somewhere..lol

i dont know..i'll think about it but i probably wont do it. I feel like its some fantasy that i want to happen but i know in reality it probably wont :/

[Vance2335]

As a man, nothing would make me happier then to have a woman who I thought was attractive call me to talk or whatever. Not saying it will lead to anything but it's worth a shot. No harm can come from it.

But it strikes me that you might have low self esteem?

[nursegirl6572]

Amen Annie!  :0)

[AnnieBrooke]

"If I were young and single and I really felt a spark, I probably would find a way to at least explore it further."  Dang straight, nursegirl.  Life is too short to be so tied up by fear of some imaginary consequence (what is he going to do, post it on the front page of the paper?).  If I was single and liked someone, I'd act on it in a heartbeat.

[nursegirl6572]

Well, you never know unless you try!  How do you know he doesn't remember you?  Sounds like there was some chemistry between the two of you, so he may have been in the same boat, interested, but shy about pursuing you (especially if he met you in a work environment).

I honestly don't think an innocent contact is at all stalkerish or unprofessional at all.  I think the fear of rejection and embarrassment is holding you back more than anything (and I get that).  Does he have an e-mail address on the card?  If so, that would be a perfect way to reach out without too much pressure.  You could send him something like this...

Dear "adorable guy's name",

I hope you don't mind me contacting you out of the blue.  My name is X and we met briefly at my "relative's name"'s house.  I would love to maybe get together for coffee or drinks sometime to get to know you better.  If you're in a relationship, I apologize, I just figured I would try to contact you to see what you think!  Looking forward to hearing from you, and I hope you aren't offended by my being forward.

Signed,
You


You get the idea.  I think you should take a chance!  You just NEVER know.  How cool would it be if he reciprocated your sentiment?  Yay!  :0)  I'm a hopeless romantic, so I'm all for it!

The only other way you could maybe pull off an initial contact that wouldn't be so forward is if you found out where he hangs out and try to "bump into him" (which it sounds like you've already explored that a bit and can't come up with a place you'd be able to see him).  

You COULD also go with the other plan, which was to call him about something work related.  What does he do?  Maybe there is a small job you could have him do?  Or at least look at?  That really may work, it would enable you to garner some more info, test the waters, and go from there.  And just think of the cute story you'll have for your grandchildren some day!  (lol...just teasing)

Give it some thought!  If I were young and single and I really felt a spark, I probably would find a way to at least explore it further.  Good luck sweetie!

[love138]

It's not hard it just seems unprofessional and stalkerish
1. He doesn't know me and doesn't remember me... This was like 6 months ago.. But I stated someone saw him recently as last month and that's what made me think of it
2. It's his business card... I'm assuming not a personal number... If it is then it will still seem odd if I called it.. All and all I don't want to bother him while he's working with this foolishness lol
3. He could be involved. At first I thought he was married but I'm pretty positive he wasn't but he could have a girlfriend or whatever
If I ever do seem him I would definitely say something to him but I don't see him so pretty much I should just forget it

[AnnieBrooke]

You know, when I was a cute teenage girl with not that many interesting dates I would get so darn mad at the cute boys who said almost exactly what you are saying here to their buddies and never asked me out.  I would have liked it!  What is so hard about calling him and asking if he'd like to have a cup of coffee?  

[love138]

I don't use FB and I tried to look him up and found pretty much nothing. He's a good looking guy so I wouldn't be surprised if he were involved. Someone I know actually saw him driving  so I guess he's around but I don't see him at all.., very slim chance I'll see him.  I was actually thinking about calling months ago just for the hell of it but it seems odd and desperate so I never did. I wish I would of approached him ibut I was insecure/ shy. Even a relative said that I should of said something to him