Aa
married but in love with another man and cannot get him off of my mind!! :s
I am with my husband for 8 years, married for 1. We have always had understanding issues and continuous fights, about 11 months ago I fell for a co worker and was physically intimate with him for 5 months. My husband figured this out, confronted me and I spoke the truth and since then my life has been worse (but he promised me otherwise). he said he wants to still be with me but can't stop taunting, physically abusing and torturing me mentally whenever we fight for any F**king reason. He then gets back to normal as soon as he realizes I might break the tie. The problem is, I still love the other guy and have been thinking of him everyday for the past 6 months and my situation is getting worse, I have even started dreaming of him. What should I do? Tell my husband that I love the other guy? Please help, I am very confused and sad :(
Best Answer
Hi
I m going through similar kind of situation if you are ok with it we can talk on email or med help
Drop me message if you would like to have a chat
I m going through similar kind of situation if you are ok with it we can talk on email or med help
Drop me message if you would like to have a chat
Thank you for the candid feedback. I really appreciate it.
A couple of things I would like to clear here, every time, I had problems with my husband that seemed to bad, I have advised that we split, even before we got married. He never agreed and wants to be with me no matter what. To speak the truth, I suffered all through and he did not (I am referring to the time before I met the other guy) cause I never gave him a reason to be hurt and he has been insecure since day one. The reason I did not leave is because I was promised every single time that this was last and candidly I did not have the guts. Also I did not get into this other relationship with an intention of finding comfort, it just happened as we worked together, his presence would make me happy and that continued for sometime and then I realized what it feels like being happy, being in love...
I did find your advice good and will either end my marriage for good or continue and go couple counselling until I can last take the pain or until things get better.
A couple of things I would like to clear here, every time, I had problems with my husband that seemed to bad, I have advised that we split, even before we got married. He never agreed and wants to be with me no matter what. To speak the truth, I suffered all through and he did not (I am referring to the time before I met the other guy) cause I never gave him a reason to be hurt and he has been insecure since day one. The reason I did not leave is because I was promised every single time that this was last and candidly I did not have the guts. Also I did not get into this other relationship with an intention of finding comfort, it just happened as we worked together, his presence would make me happy and that continued for sometime and then I realized what it feels like being happy, being in love...
I did find your advice good and will either end my marriage for good or continue and go couple counselling until I can last take the pain or until things get better.
Before you do or say anything else to your husband consult a professional therapist and get his/her's point of view. In fact, the two of you should be working this out with the help of a couples' therapist and THEN you can truly determine if you want to salvage the marriage or not.
Secondly, this other man.........I wouldn't recommend pursuing him. If he has no qualms with cheating with a married woman then I would say he is NO gentleman. You two would never be able to really trust one another because your relationship started off in an less than ideal way IF you decided to be with him vs. your husband. I would NOT recommend "man hopping" as a man isn't the answer to all your woes/problems.
Thirdly, I can empathize with your husband. He has been cheated on and is going through an array of emotions, however, no one should ever put up with physical abuse.
Lastly, if your husband and you don't seek counseling there is NO way this marriage will last. To be honest, you are just 26 and have been with your husband since you were 18 and these situations have a propensity to not work out in the long run.
You don't love this other man.......You love the escape he provides from your REAL problems.
Secondly, this other man.........I wouldn't recommend pursuing him. If he has no qualms with cheating with a married woman then I would say he is NO gentleman. You two would never be able to really trust one another because your relationship started off in an less than ideal way IF you decided to be with him vs. your husband. I would NOT recommend "man hopping" as a man isn't the answer to all your woes/problems.
Thirdly, I can empathize with your husband. He has been cheated on and is going through an array of emotions, however, no one should ever put up with physical abuse.
Lastly, if your husband and you don't seek counseling there is NO way this marriage will last. To be honest, you are just 26 and have been with your husband since you were 18 and these situations have a propensity to not work out in the long run.
You don't love this other man.......You love the escape he provides from your REAL problems.
Amen!
This is a lose lose situation. Your husband is rightfully angry over being cheated on and you are still carrying on with the other guy. There's no trust or loyalty in any direction and all 3 of you would be better off single. That's a fact.
This is a lose lose situation. Your husband is rightfully angry over being cheated on and you are still carrying on with the other guy. There's no trust or loyalty in any direction and all 3 of you would be better off single. That's a fact.
Life is not all about us ,as thats why God made other people. If this were not so we would be sitting under a tree wondering where everyone is and have not joined the party! These other people that God made are not here for our amuzement and use, they are here for US to bring guidance and wisdom.
They are here for US to build our trust and integrety. They are here to heal our wounds, to love us, to share their live with us and for us to in turn do the same to them. Its called sharing.
They are not here for us to fullfill our fanticies but we are here for them.
can i get an Amen?
They are here for US to build our trust and integrety. They are here to heal our wounds, to love us, to share their live with us and for us to in turn do the same to them. Its called sharing.
They are not here for us to fullfill our fanticies but we are here for them.
can i get an Amen?
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm, I'm a little confused. You have only been married a year but started cheating 11 months ago? So, one month into marriage, you cheated?
And then you expect your husband to act as if nothing happened right away and you are a little miffed because he promised that but isn't quite able to do it yet?
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation as it does indeed sound dreadful. I hate to think of anyone suffering and miserable.
But in all honesty, this is 100 percent your doing. IF you were unhappy, you didn't' have to marry after 7 years. If after one month you were so unhappy that you were tempted by another person--- the right thing for you to have done is to have been honest, separate from your husband, taken some time ON YOUR OWN, sorted out your feelings, figured out why you stayed in a bad relationship for so long. Why didn't you leave?
You broke the trust and vow with your husband. He's not going to just get over that really quickly. We can't just say 'sorry' and expect someone to move on from that without a LOT of effort on our part. Counseling, working through the hurt and emotions and yes, letting our partner vent about the hurt and damage we've created.
Yes, that is hard to sit through. But, if you want to be with your husband, it's what you do.
And the new guy? That is just a fantasy hon. Any relationship that starts while we are married is a fantasy because it is only the FUN parts of a relationship. Great sex, good conversation, excitement, compliments, etc. But when REAL life settles in like bills, mother in laws, work stress, house duties . . . the fantasy ends. And then the new guy and you have what ALL couples have that begin in infidelity have--- TRUST issues. He knows that if you get unhappy with a man, you'll look for another as you did when you found him. And if he is married, you know the same thing.
So, forget about the fantasy (especially if he is married as well!!!!!!!). You need to be a strong and independent woman that doesn't need a man. If you are unhappy in your marriage, break it off. Go to counseling. Stay single for a while and figure yourself out so that NEXT time you get in a relationship-- it will start on the up and up and you will be in a better position to make good choices (again, stayed with a man for a long time when unhappy and cheated on him). If you want to stay in your marriage, go to counseling, fall on your sword as you did wrong, big time and give it time.
There is no carpet big enough to sweet this under. You have to do the work for anyone (including YOU) to recover from it.
good luck
And then you expect your husband to act as if nothing happened right away and you are a little miffed because he promised that but isn't quite able to do it yet?
I am sorry you find yourself in this situation as it does indeed sound dreadful. I hate to think of anyone suffering and miserable.
But in all honesty, this is 100 percent your doing. IF you were unhappy, you didn't' have to marry after 7 years. If after one month you were so unhappy that you were tempted by another person--- the right thing for you to have done is to have been honest, separate from your husband, taken some time ON YOUR OWN, sorted out your feelings, figured out why you stayed in a bad relationship for so long. Why didn't you leave?
You broke the trust and vow with your husband. He's not going to just get over that really quickly. We can't just say 'sorry' and expect someone to move on from that without a LOT of effort on our part. Counseling, working through the hurt and emotions and yes, letting our partner vent about the hurt and damage we've created.
Yes, that is hard to sit through. But, if you want to be with your husband, it's what you do.
And the new guy? That is just a fantasy hon. Any relationship that starts while we are married is a fantasy because it is only the FUN parts of a relationship. Great sex, good conversation, excitement, compliments, etc. But when REAL life settles in like bills, mother in laws, work stress, house duties . . . the fantasy ends. And then the new guy and you have what ALL couples have that begin in infidelity have--- TRUST issues. He knows that if you get unhappy with a man, you'll look for another as you did when you found him. And if he is married, you know the same thing.
So, forget about the fantasy (especially if he is married as well!!!!!!!). You need to be a strong and independent woman that doesn't need a man. If you are unhappy in your marriage, break it off. Go to counseling. Stay single for a while and figure yourself out so that NEXT time you get in a relationship-- it will start on the up and up and you will be in a better position to make good choices (again, stayed with a man for a long time when unhappy and cheated on him). If you want to stay in your marriage, go to counseling, fall on your sword as you did wrong, big time and give it time.
There is no carpet big enough to sweet this under. You have to do the work for anyone (including YOU) to recover from it.
good luck
Hi, you cant stay with your husband as it appears he wont forgive you and i really cant blame him (no offense) and hes most likely back with you for two reasons, one is unconscious reason, that he pretends it never happened but then reality hits him that it did and he torments you as you have tormented him.
If you love other other guy then be with him as it appears its your happiness that important here anyway.
If you love other other guy then be with him as it appears its your happiness that important here anyway.
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By staying in the marriage, that is a distinct pattern. It was a choice and fear of leaving may have motivated it--- but what was behind that fear? That you couldn't take care of yourself? That you were afraid to be alone? Unless you address these, you will always be in a position that you very well could make bad choices as you did when you stayed in the bad marriage and you cheated on your partner.
And remember, much of what we do is subconscious. I'm not suggesting you were consciously aware of this new man as a band aid but that in essence, that was what he was.
Try not to be with the new man during any transition period until you explore who you are with no man. Then you are in a better position to find someone to be with.
good luck