In love w/a married man

[wannabefree330]

I have been involved with a married man for a little over a year.  At the time we met, he told me he was very unhappily married and was only with his wife for the sake of his children.  He is afraid that if he leaves his wife will take the kids and he'll never see them again.  In March, he told me he was going to give his marriage another shot, and commit to trying to make it work.  That meant no longer seeing me.  If at the end of the 6mo he still felt the same, he would file for divorce.  Of course i was devastated at his decision, but love him enough where I want him to be happy.  Before march we would see eachother at least 3 times a week.  The sex is phenomenal and unlike anything i've ever experienced.  We have complete open communication and i think that is why it is so amazing.  Since March, we have seen and slept with eachother several times.  He says he still loves me but is still going to complete the 6mo he committed to.  We text and talk to eachother every day and he tells me daily how he misses me.  I miss him and being with him.  I feel like he is my soul mate.  He has encouraged me to date other people, but gets very jealous when I even mention talking to other men.  He does not get angry, but communicates and tries even more when he knows i'm tlk'g to other guys.  I still feel committed to him, and hope that someday we can be together.
Am I crazy?  Will this ever materialize?  I told him I would wait till hell freezes over to be with him.  Anyone with similar circumstances?

[mami1323]

These posts don't get deleted, they go into the archives until someone resurrects them again.  Just stop posting on them.

[ThereUare2]

Oh goodness they're here for others to read and learn, to avoid making the same or similar mistakes

[Tiggywnks]

does the person who started this post ever come back to see peoples views....as if not then maybe the post  should get deleted.?

[Tiggywnks]

Thanks for your comments, your right I am in a much better place now  and my son completes my happiness, as for the wife who choose to stay quite knowing her husband was with myself and others,is it my fault she maybe has low esteem due to the fact her husband will never be faithful…nooo!

If she chooses to stay with him knowing truly what he is like then that is down to her  I can truly understand how she feels as he cheated on me which left me hurt and low esteem  too and he has his ways to get back in the good books which always worked because I loved him very much, but I walked away from him for my own sanity and knew he will never change which would always hurt me when I found out about the other woman and it was very very hard to do but I did it and I made the right choice, in my view each to there own on how or what makes them happy.


Tiggy :)

[lostandconfuddled]

Wow, that's a heartfelt story. Glad you have a happy ending with your baby.

Have you ever thought how his wife feels though? Maybe she had her reasons for not saying anything to him or you, like low self esteem. I think it's strange that you say you have no empathy for her. Was she nasty on the phone when you spoke? How did she handle it?


Anyhow, you're in a better place now, and it sounds like you're much better off without him in your life.

[yoyita72]

Its been a yr u posted this.R u still go through the same situation?If u r, think about it twice.If he really loves u he would get a divorce no matter what.His children are always going to b his and he will hav the rite 2 c them.that is just an excuse.U think about your self b-cuz u r just wasting your time.GOOD LUCK with this relatinship.

[Tiggywnks]

Hi mami1323

Thanks for your posting and questions, no I dint have any clue he was married and that’s why I was so stunned when found out as I had married guys hit on me in the past and can spot a mile but was properly fooled this time!

Seems how he got away with it was, he is in the Uk Army and was posted 30 mins away from me, I saw him couple times in the week and spent all weekend’s or most with him either at my house or we went away, we had every day contact at different times of the day or evenings if we didn’t see each other, he asked me to marry him about 13 months into our relenship, however to cut a very long story down, it turns out his wife of 4 years is also in the UK Army but based about hour and half away from him and training to be a nurse, she was living in nurse quarters there and he was in there married quarters on his post, so she would go down to him  for her 2 days  off a week to see him and then go back to her base for the rest of the time, so he managed to keep us both happy and have contact with us both, yes he did answer his phone calls at times or leave it in the car.

Him and his wife don’t have any children, i believe she has fertility issues as I once used too, so I can see how he got away with it, she said they went away a lot on holidays which I was told he was on exercise with work  and in his job you wouldn’t think any less, he used to call me some times from over seas or send me flowers as well!

Don’t get me wrong it was not all happy, he was a typical male and if didn’t get his way he would sulk or mental play head game with me, I used to make excuses for him to my girlfriends when we talked because I loved him and I don’t fall in love very easily nor do I need a man in my life for the sake of being  alone, we were well matched mentally and sexually and I have never experienced love and hate in a relenship like I did with him before, sounds corny but true, what I find and still can not get my head around it is the fact his wife knew from the start to finish that we were involved deeply, she told me he used to carry my picture in his wallet as she looked, she got my numbers of his phone and used to call them which thinking back now I just thought it was a wrong number calling me, I fell pregnant the first time but miscarried at 5 months, then again 3 months and again she saw all my scans via email I would send to him if he couldn’t make my appointments, the list goes on and when I found out all this I felt  robbed of my privacy, it has took me a lot of courage and strength to get in a better place now then I was back last June /July and of course with having my son recently I have moments when looking at my son who is the double of him but I did get the better end of the deal and my life wouldn’t be content and happy if he knew about his son, as harsh as it sounds I know I made the right choice for us both and more so when found out recently he is playing away again but this time on his door step since he is now  living with his wife on her base, so she might of got rid of me but  for sure my place has been taken and she has the mental torture yet again he’s cheating and always  will but I have no empathy for her what so ever .

Pheww sorry so long but hopes it answers some of your questions. x

[mami1323]

Can I ask if you suspected at all that he was unavailable?  Was he away in Iraq for the majority of your relationship?  I'm sorry you had to experience that, and I don't think it's your fault at all since you were an unwilling party in all of his lies and betrayal.  I just find it odd that you didn't know about anything.  Why I say that is because usually when you date someone, they bring you around their family and friends and are available on the weekends.  When someone has a family and a wife and you are the other person, they must not have been very available.  Did you meet his friends or family?  Did you hang out with him frequently or was he only available to you when it was convenient for him?  Did he go hours or days without talking to you?  Or not pick up your calls all the time?  I just wanted to know how 2 years of this happened and you didn't pick up on anything odd.  Again, it's nothing against you, I feel sorry that you had to go through that.  I'm glad you were able to get away though.  

[Shara21]

awww, sad story but i'm so happy for you for being strong enough to leave him and not look back. Good for you for being so level headed about this and doing whats best for yourself.

Shame on him, shame on all men and women who play with married partners, or who are married and cheat.

Lets hear it for people who have enough respect for themselves and others to walk away from these manipulators!!!!!!

YAY YOU!!!!!!!~

[Tiggywnks]

I have been reading all the advice about being involved with a married man or the mistress is a home wrecker and ****, but what about those who get involved with a married man and don’t know he is married?

That situation happened to me and I hadn’t a clue he was married  and I was with him 2 years, if it had not been for friends reunited I would never of know either, when I did find out you can imagine how I felt and to add to the heartache I had a call from his wife informing me she knew from day one about us as she hacked into his email account and kept tags on us that way but yet did nothing but sit back for some reason which I will never get answers, for the last 9 months my life has been tuned upside down and trying to move on which is very hard when you get calls of him while he is in Iraq serving for 4 months trying to make amends, little does he know when I did cut ties with him I was also pregnant and I have just had my first child Archie which he knows nothing about  and never will.

The moral of the story is from my experience those married men who play away will always play away as a leopard never changes it spots  and am thankful I had the courage to walk away with some self dignity and don’t have to put up with the mental head games is he or isn’t he cheating on me again.


Tiggs :)

[waringblender]

A year of your life is gone because of your being involved with a man who isn't worth the paper his phone number is printed on.

I guess you could be glad that it wasn't 5 years, or 10 years, or whatever, but this is just pathetic. Walk away from this now. If you can't do it alone, get a therapist to help extract you from this sad situation - which will only turn out badly for you. What a shame.

[madmac]

As a man I'll tell you that it matters not why anyone cheats what matters is that he/she did. No-one can help who they "fall" in love with but what they m/f should do if they find out the other is married happily or not is to step off and deal with the emotion the best you can. It's said that time will heal all wounds so give it time.

[mayflowers]

oh, I didn't read down that far.

[mami1323]

Hey may, we were commenting towards Scanty's response on the thread.

[mayflowers]

Does anyone realize that this post is from June 08?  Wannabefree probably doesn't even look at this post anymore.

[mjml]

tbh i couldnt live with that either but like i said its a flaw in character! Its so much worse with children involved! hope things work out for u you sound like you could do with a break! x

[mami1323]

Thank you for saying that.  It is a hard battle, it's difficult to regain trust and even more difficult to fight my thoughts of should I stay or go.  So it does take a lot of strength.  I definitely feel that yes, the cheater is to blame but I do fault any woman who could be comfortable with making a decision like that.  It wasn't just me and him, I have a child and he's the innocent victim in all of this.  I know being a woman myself, I couldn't live with myself if I knew I was doing that to a family.  

[mjml]

if i followed my head in some situations i properly wouldnt be here alive to be perfectly honest so i have to disagree. i do sympathise with all women who have been cheated on and all men, there is more then likely the person cheating at fault in my view overall those who cheat have a weakness in character and i think the partners who stick around to fight another day are the strongist characters ever. x

[mami1323]

I've had it happen to me as well, so it strikes a similar nerve with me.  Although, I chose to stay and work it out, it's been a tough road trying to rebuild what was damaged.  In my situation, the woman knew as well and continued on, in the hope of having us break up so she could be with my fiance.  It just didn't happen that way for her.  So I have no sympathy for someone who deliberately gets involved with a man who is already with someone else.  Even though, it is the man's responsibility not to stray, the woman should have enough respect to walk away and not continue.  You can help who you fall in love with.  Follow with your head instead.

[imanaddict]

Thank you for your kind words!

[mjml]

i am so sorry this happened to you no one deserves pain like a family falling apart! i think it strikes a nerve with everyone causing pain shouldnt happen! the unfortunate thing is it happens alot and people need our support on this site from all sides! but i do agree if you know from the start you shouldn't engage! x

[imanaddict]

I must apologize for my  rudeness. This type of thing just really strikes a nerve with me. I have a zero tolerance for cheaters simply because I know the pain of being cheated on. I have had my family torn apart because of it and a son without his father so I know first hand the pain it inflicts. No you can't help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you date and start relationships with. A simple "No,  you're married" and this conversation wouldn't be happening right now.

[mjml]

Everyone makes mistakes who is anyone to judge anyone else! you cant help who you fall in love with, yes she may be slightly at fault for this as she knows he's married but the most disgusting person is the person cheating not the one he's cheating with. if its not with her he'd prob be with someone else unless he truely loves her &u cant say he doesnt however some men & women are so cunning that to get what they want they will say and do anything! YES women cheat and men get hurt too! Thankfully i am lucky enough to have never been cheated on & no i havent cheated on anyone! You have one life live it to the full! do have consideration for others &how they may feel but how do u no that this married man's wife isnt cheating to? or that its a swingers thing no one knows what goes on behide closed doors &no one deserves to be judged!

[mjml]

typical male wants his cake and to eat it too! lol babe by the sounds of things he isnt going to leave his wife plus he has children and i'm sorry you do have to think how they would feel about you if he did leave his wife as much as you properly don't care! End of the day sweety it comes down to are you ready to put your life on hold for someone who isnt commited to you? has alot of baggage to come with him! &for something that may never happen? Its your life you have to be the happy no one no one can do it for you! could you live with the guilt? could you trust him to not cheat on you?. Think what you want in life! maybe your own children? a man who is all yours & not shared? TRUST!!! i use capitals because other then loving each other that is the main thing no trust no hope no relationship! sex is sex & you need good chemistry there but (and this is only my oppion based on seeing it happen with a few people &experiance of relationships) maybe he's keeping you sweet because the sex is so good! men dispite what they say (minus a few) are ruled firstly by their penis! You have one chance in life make it worth while & happy! let me no how u get on!

[suzi-q]

If my husband ever cheated, I wouldn't kick the girl's butt...yes, she is a skank and a loser and a home wrecker...but it would be my husband's fault also...he would have had to say "yes"....I wouldn't kick any butts...I would just open the door and throw all his **** out and tell him my lawyer would be in contact.....

I take pity on women who have to cheat with married men...especially those who do it relentlessly...they definitely have serious issues.....what a horrible way to live a life, knowing that you are destroying others....revenge belongs to God....not me.